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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think we make sex out to be more important than it is

289 replies

purpleangel17 · 17/11/2017 13:05

Sex seems to be the centre of the universe these days. It is used to sell things all the time. People want to be sexually attractive. It is assumed sex is an essential part of any relationship. People talk as if they have a 'right' to sex, to frequent, 'good' sex, however you define that. Maybe men feel the 'entitlement' more but I think women feel it too.

Does anyone else find it a bit sad? It just feels the world is so focused on individual pleasure these days.

OP posts:
Original poster
purpleangel17 · 17/11/2017 14:54

No, no-one has said anything to me recently. Been called frigid several times for stating my position when a date has crossed a line but nothing to trigger a thread!

OP posts:
Mamabear4180 · 17/11/2017 14:54

OP I'm with you on everything you say! Sex to me is only any good in a loving relationship and it isn't the most essential part either. there's far too much pouting and self absorbed nonsense in social media and the media generally. Kids are being taught they should have sex whenever and with whoever. Sex is no longer special to people or valued in the right way. It's all sad, I completely agree. IMO sex should never be a casual thing.

Queeniebed · 17/11/2017 14:54

Can you give an example of where masturbation has taken over someone's life? You are making statements without any factual basis - has something happened to you?

EdmundCleverClogs · 17/11/2017 14:54

They may be against more casual forms of sex but the Christian marriage service basically says go and enjoy sex.

Sorry, but what? I mean if you’re going to bring feminism into this, saying that religion actively encourages sex for pleasure when women have been killed for being too sexualised is almost laughable. Yes, even in Christianity - the religion that seems women to be the source of ‘original sin’, and when we ‘go forth and multiply’ we are ‘punished’ by making the multiple bit horrifically painful and possibly fatal.

Queeniebed · 17/11/2017 14:55

What did trigger the thread then?

MsHarry · 17/11/2017 14:55

Well OP, unfortunately you have had bad luck with a date that calls you frigid. As someone said upthread, you just haven't met the right person.

Skarossinkplunger · 17/11/2017 14:56

Mamabear casual sex can be special too.

JacquesHammer · 17/11/2017 14:57

IMO sex should never be a casual thing

Don't have casual sex then!

Kids are being taught they should have sex whenever and with whoever

No, I am teaching my DD she CAN. There's a difference.

Original poster
purpleangel17 · 17/11/2017 14:58

There is a difference between religion and people interpreting a religion to their own end. Deja vu on this argument!

Yes people have used religion as an excuse to keep women down but that doesn't mean it is actually what the religion says.

OP posts:
Original poster
purpleangel17 · 17/11/2017 15:02

Double standards here - if I am being criticised for allegedly judging people who have casual sex - even though I have said I am not - why is it ok to tell me my celibacy is 'because I haven't met the right man yet', ie I am wrong?

I would argue that if you were not socially conditioned to see sex as essential, you would accept that me not being as bothered about sex is as valid a viewpoint as thinking it is all important.

OP posts:
StickThatInYourPipe · 17/11/2017 15:02

JacquesHammer

100% agreement with you, if people don’t like causal sex, they shouldn’t have it. Not judge everyone who does.

Also people should teach their children that they own their own sexuality and other people’s opinions shouldn’t be taken into account. As important as it is to know to say ‘no’ when you don’t want sex, it is equally as important to say ‘yes’ when you do as long as it is mutual

KKOKK · 17/11/2017 15:03

i think you're confusing single with celibate.

Queeniebed · 17/11/2017 15:04

I think you have a valid viewpoint to be celibate but not to make the sweeping statements about sex that you have done. I get the impression you feel like you are being judged for your life choices so you are making sweeping judgy statements

StickThatInYourPipe · 17/11/2017 15:05

purpleangel17

No one gives a fuck about you being celebate (although if you’re masturbating, you technically are not)

What people do care about is you equating mutual enjoyment of sex to someone forcing themselves into someone as they see it is a right.

JacquesHammer · 17/11/2017 15:05

I would argue that if you were not socially conditioned to see sex as essential, you would accept that me not being as bothered about sex is as valid a viewpoint as thinking it is all important

I think celibacy is easy to adhere to when you're single: are you truly celibate by choice or is it because you haven't met the person you want to have sex with? It's a valid question.

StickThatInYourPipe · 17/11/2017 15:06

Celibate* sorry phone error

Original poster
purpleangel17 · 17/11/2017 15:07

I am not equating it at all. Nowhere have I said having mutually consensual sex for pleasure is wrong.

And people are judging me for being celibate by implying I 'just haven't met the right man'.

OP posts:
SloeSloeQuickQuickGin · 17/11/2017 15:08

Sex is a basic human right, you'll even find it in legislation for people learning disabilities, physical disabilities etc, the right to have a sex life. this cannot be withheld from them.

MsHarry · 17/11/2017 15:08

I would argue that if you were not socially conditioned to see sex as essential, you would accept that me not being as bothered about sex is as valid a viewpoint as thinking it is all important.

I was brought up on the same planet as you OP. I was even brought up as a practising Catholic. My own physical urge and desire tells me I want sex, not any indoctrination of any kind. It was never spoken about growing up. I feel a strong physical desire, maybe you don't.

JacquesHammer · 17/11/2017 15:08

And people are judging me for being celibate by implying I 'just haven't met the right man'

They're asking a question

If I was single I wouldn't be celibate

Mamabear4180 · 17/11/2017 15:10

If I say 'IMO sex should never be a casual thing' that is my opinion which I'm entitled to.

Original poster
purpleangel17 · 17/11/2017 15:10

JacquesHammer, I said earlier that I will be celibate until such time as I am in a committed relationship and believe the person to be a potential life partner.

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 17/11/2017 15:10

You being celibate is your business, OP (though if you are dating, it's better to be upfront about the fact that you are looking for a long term relationship that starts slowly, just so as not to waste other people's time.)
Casual sex can actually be very healthy (as long as no one is lying to whoever they are having it with: about their sexual health, their intentions or whatever). It demystifies sex, it gives you a chance to experiment with things you are interested in trying out - and it also does wonders for your boundaries and dickhead-radar.

The trouble with building sex up to be the Wonderful Prize at the end of a long dating quest is that sometimes you get there and find the otherwise lovely person is absolutely crap in bed - and you've invested so much in the relationship that you are reluctant to bin them and walk away. So you end up enduring not-very-good sex because you don't want to hurt the person's feelings.... until one of you gets bored, and then you start the whole cycle again. (This also used to be a problem for those socially pressured into waiting till marriage - two inexperienced fumblers together, having been given all this bullshit about the wonderful specialness of the wedding night, quite often had a shitty time and never really managed to make it any better...)

MsHarry · 17/11/2017 15:10

I know sex is not essential, I just want it. I wouldn't hurt anyone to get it and it wouldn't take over my life.

EdmundCleverClogs · 17/11/2017 15:11

why is it ok to tell me my celibacy is 'because I haven't met the right man yet', ie I am wrong?

Well that depends, would you break celibacy if you met the right partner? If that’s the case, the people telling you that aren’t wrong. If you are saying you’d still be celibate even if you met someone you could see a future with on a romantic level, other posters would be wrong, though in that scenario you cannot be cross if the person you falls for won’t accept long term commitment without sex.