to think we make sex out to be more important than it is

[purpleangel17]

Sex seems to be the centre of the universe these days. It is used to sell things all the time. People want to be sexually attractive. It is assumed sex is an essential part of any relationship. People talk as if they have a 'right' to sex, to frequent, 'good' sex, however you define that. Maybe men feel the 'entitlement' more but I think women feel it too.

Does anyone else find it a bit sad? It just feels the world is so focused on individual pleasure these days.

But as a society we have moved away from eat to nourish and have sex to reproduce to everything for pleasure, it seems to me. If sex is only meant for reproduction, why do we have a clitoris? It's not needed to get pregnant, purely there for our delicious pleasure .

Sexual harassment, as per #metoo is a completely different kettle of fish. Encouraging people not to feel ashamed if they wish to have consensual sex is light years away from assaulting or harassing someone.

I agree to some extent:

• women are often portrayed, valued, judged according to sexual desirability, to the extent that we care way too much about (for example) being out in the summer with our imperfect bodies showing or about buying £££ of creams and makeup "just for ourselves" even, and try to prevent ageing and spend loads of time and money on our appearance
• somehow sex in a relationship is seen as completely relationship-defining but also it's seen as selfish / indulgent/ freakish / ... for (especially women) to want it, care about it, explore anything out of the mainstream. And of course the amount of sex defaults to whoever has the lesser libido. The other person should just not care that much because it's not that important after all!

MsHarry I'm early 50s and I can assure you you don't need to worry.
My age/stage has not affected our sex life at all.

Agreed Yorick but the entitlement that some men feel they have to sex is part of the same societal tendency I was talking about. It can be a dangerous tendency. In my view.

Food, sex, water
These things pretty much drive human existence.

One thing I don't like. Is people passing comments such as.
You need a good shag.
We don't always know the reasons behind why some people do not have or do not want to have sex, do we.

One thing I don't like. Is people passing comments such as.
You need a good shag.
We don't always know the reasons behind why some people do not have or do not want to have sex, do we.

You say we have sexual freedom - do we? The whole #metoo campaign suggests we don't.

Sadly some will always show predatory behaviour. That doesn’t mean we should be ashamed of sexuality and enjoying our bodies. That’s why it’s more important to teach that sex and respect are the two things that go together, rather than the old ways of ‘sex must only be in marriage or between two people who really really love each other’. The taboo and perversions of sex for pleasures stems from these old ways, making it ‘dirty’. It’s no such thing, and it’s absolutely fine to enjoy it freely and only for pleasure. Other animals do so, after all.

Don't know why that posted twice

I think if you found a partner who rocked your world you might pass on the ‘celibate through choice’ thing.
There’s no way if you were having really really good sex with someone you really fancy the pants off, that you’d be sat there writing this thread. You just haven’t met the right person.
And not partaking means you might never!

I am not suggesting people shouldn't have or enjoy consensual sex. Just that as a society sex seems to me to be up there above pretty much anything else. And I think family/friends and kindness and helping others should come before it.

What Edmund and mustbe said.

Those unable to have sex for whatever reasons aside, sex is what makes a relationship between a loving couple unique. We have best friends, work friends, aquaintances etc, but the sex part is a binding, unique bond and experience between a 'couple'.

Nature makes or intended to make sex enjoyable, as its vital to the survival of the species.
An orgasm is simply a pleasurable reward for the act that continues the human race.

I'm not sure who you meet OP but of course it's not more important than family, kindness etc. It's part of life. I don't put my sex life above any of those things. I'm not sure what you're getting at. most people have sex, enjoy their family and friends, are kind and helpful to others. They are not mutually exclusive!

I might be sheltered but I have no idea what planet you live on OP.

In my life and those of my friends and all the other normal people I know, the things you listed that you feel should come first generally do.

But it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t enjoy sex or think of it as an important part of my relationship

If I met someone I was attracted to I would want to let the relationship develop through getting to know them, spending time with them and non-sexual intimacy before thinking about having sex. I fully accept most men wouldn't wait as long as I would want to but that just means they aren't the one for me.

But my personal choice about that is separate from the point I originally made which is simply that I think putting sex/pleasure too high up the priority list ultimately has damaging effects on society. And you all think IABU and that is fair enough!

And I think family/friends and kindness and helping others should come before it.

Umm they do . No one ever says ‘oh I’d love to visit you, grandad, but I would rather be rogered senseless by my boyfriend today’ or ‘Sorry Big Issue seller, I’d love to donate but I need to go home and have personal time with my Rabbit’. Sex and day to day life do not cross paths, unless you’re an exhibitionist.

Well I quite like it!

Try thinking about it like music, OP. Some people are just not very interested in music: they don't actively object if someone else has the radio on, but they do not buy music, actively seek it out, or have much of an idea what to say when someone asks them about their favourite songs or musicians. Some people are keen on music, have particular bands they will go out of their way to see live, buy lots of records and also like to read about music. And some people like to make music; they sing, or play instruments and would be very unhappy if they were told they had to stop doing that now, because they are 'too old', or because a partner objects to that interest.
You could make a similar analogy with sport.

Humans (and some mammals) evolved, broadly, to find sexual activity pleasurable rather than just necessary for reproduction. Some human beings are much more interested in recreational sex than others are (don't forget that plenty of sexual activity doesn't involve PIV anyway).

It's fine to have a low libido just as it's fine to have a high one. There is nothing wrong with fetishizing monogamy/commitment when it comes to your own sex life (and monogamy and romantic love fit the definition of sexual fetishes pretty well - the fetish object needs to feature before the fetishist can enjoy sex...) There's nothing wrong with having lots of different sexual partners on a casual basis, as long as you treat them all with kindness and courtesy.

I agree that sex with a partner cannot be exactly framed as a 'right' because it's dependent on a partner being available/willing. However, it would be a breach of human rights to, for instance, prevent any member of the general public from masturbating in private, or stop them from seeking willing sexual partners.

Do what works for you, but remember that other people who are more interested in more sexual variety are doing what works for them and not harming you. And they are mostly happier than those who either can't find enough willing sexual partners or who are so guilt-ridden (due to the influence of their own or other people's imaginary friends) that they can't even work out what they might enjoy.

I think you are being unreasonable, sex is necessary, it's a natural urge as a human being. I know I could never be celibate.
The using sex to sell thing, is marketing. People are more likely to be attracted to a product if an attractive young woman is used to advertise it.

Everything I willingly do in life is for pleasure. I mean, what's the point otherwise? Food for example; i'm a bit squishy round the edges but i have the attitude live to eat not eat to live. Sex? When i was single i had a few playmates; actually that is how i met my now OH! We definitely have sex for pleasure, the fact we now have a baby on the way is a very good bonus!!

I was single for 5 years. I had a few one nighters, with no strings on either side. Why not??? There's more to life than falling into some boring category that society says we should fit into. If you can't have fun in life, what's the point in living?

The using sex to sell thing, is marketing. People are more likely to be attracted to a product if an attractive young woman is used to advertise it

Or Chris Pratt... just sayin