to think we make sex out to be more important than it is

[purpleangel17]

Sex seems to be the centre of the universe these days. It is used to sell things all the time. People want to be sexually attractive. It is assumed sex is an essential part of any relationship. People talk as if they have a 'right' to sex, to frequent, 'good' sex, however you define that. Maybe men feel the 'entitlement' more but I think women feel it too.

Does anyone else find it a bit sad? It just feels the world is so focused on individual pleasure these days.

[purpleangel17]

Not everyone who prioritises sex, no. But I have seen it happen.

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

I don’t know who all these people having sex above everything else are. I like a good shag as much as the next person (unless that’s you OP) but I certainly don’t put it above everything else.

I do think you are coming across a little bit ‘holier than thou’ OP. I don’t just you got your celibacy, to be honest I don’t care what you get to, but I couldn’t imagine never having sex again.

[rightknockered]

I just read your last comment. I could never date someone if I didn't fancy them and didn't want to rip their clothes off. Otherwise they'd just be a friend surely

[HungerOfThePine]

I get your point that it is sold heavily and from that point of view it devalues it in a way.
Sex is important to those who feel it is and it is to me, but not just any old sex with anyone. Sex makes me feel closer to a person and is something that usually you only share exclusively with them unless your doing it for kicks.
It's another plane of emotion/connection that you share with them and as others have pointed out a real physical pleasure What's not to love.

Having a dry spell at the moment and I miss it but mostly because I want to be close to someone than the act itself.

[StickThatInYourPipe]

Not everyone who prioritises sex, no. But I have seen it happen

I think we need an example because I have no idea what you are talking about if you are not just judging people for enjoying sex

[mustbemad17]

Agree with Hunger you get a deeper sense of intimacy with a person when you literally give your all. The cuddles afterwards prove that 😉

[OrangeCrush19]

Completely agree re sexy being at the centre of sales and marketing for a lot of industries. It’s so depressing.

I used to love sex - had it regularly through my twenties and early thirties, especially with casual partners.

But I’ve come to realise that sex outside a relationship isn’t for me - I get too attached and then unhappy.

I’ve also come to the conclusion that relationships aren’t for me. I’m shit at them. I’m more productive and more content when I’m single. Lonely, but less angsty. I genuinely don’t know how other people manage them.

All of that means I probably won’t have sex again. That makes me feel rather sad - but I’m definitely less sad about it when I can manage to avoid adverts and films for a couple of days. There are more things in the world to focus on.

[ReanimatedSGB]

Also it's a very, very big mistake to blame predatory male behaviour and abuse of women on the fact that we now have a more 'permissive' society. When the social rules were that sex was only for marriage and that women didn't really like it, there was as much if not more rape and abuse of women -and a lot less help and support for women who were mistreated by men.
It's actually the case that women talking about their own sexual choices, refusing to restrict sexual activity to marriage or romantic relationships, and being unashamed of the fact that they like sex, kink, group sex, using toys etc that will improve interpersonal relationships as we lose the idea that sex is a thing women must ration out to men as men are obsessed with taking more than they are offered...

[purpleangel17]

Well, I am sorry if I am coming across as 'holier than thou' because it wasn't intended. I have been musing on the subject for a while and wanted to see what others' views were and I do respect them even if I would make different choices.

Examples of people putting sex above friends/family/kindness:

people who have casual sex when in a relationship without their partner knowing and agreeing to it

people who sexually harass

people who develop obsessions with porn

people having sex before they are ready to because they feel they should

[RagingFemininist]

I agree with you purple
Food, water, being in contact with people (social side) and touch are vital to human beings. Remove that and you have a pretty bleak existence (if you have one).

Sex on the other side is a want, not a need.

And yes society has wiped that into a frenzy and told us that yiucant have a fulfilled life wo it.
I disagree. Totally possible to have fulfilled life wo it.
But if you see sex as a need and something that is a due, then not having sex will be pretty hard to live with. Same actually than if you think you deserve then it’s very hard to accept that you dont have that.

[ReanimatedSGB]

There is nothing wrong with being asexual either. It's up to the individual/s concerned.
But if you realise you are asexual while you are in an existing monogamous relationship, you have to accept that (unless your partner is also asexual or very low-libido) that you should either end the relationship or allow your partner to seek sex elsewhere. Because it is very unethical to decide that you are entitled to stop another person having sex just because you don't like it.

[purpleangel17]

rightknockered - in my experience (and I slept around a lot when younger before I established my current personal sexual code), whether or not you fancy someone on an initial date or two is not a good indicator of whether someone would make a good boyfriend. Attraction can grow.

[ReturnOfTheMackYesItIs]

All of your examples are nothing whatsoever to do with normal healthy sex.

[sallythesheep73]

Yes I agree there's too much emphasis on it - all over TV, magazines etc. Boring.

[StickThatInYourPipe]

I’m sorry OP but none of those reasons relate to people having sex for pleasure. You have come on to look down your nose at people (more specifically women due to your choice of audience) and when the conversation hasn’t gone the way you wanted it to, you have changed tonit being about people having affairs and sexual assault.

[RagingFemininist]

And it ha snoth8ng to do with a ‘permissive’ society.
I for one, do not believe we have such a permissive society. I have no issue with women say8ngbthey want sex etc...

I do believe sex is a want not a need.
Sex being a want doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ever have sex or only under certain circumstances. It just means it’s not essential to life.

[NinjaLeprechaun]

"Also regular orgasms are good for your health"
It's perfectly possible to have orgasms without having sex. It's also entirely possible to have sex without having an orgasm.

I think I understand what you're saying, OP. I haven't had sex with an actual other person for... a very long time... and I don't particularly miss it. However when I was in a relationship I had sex a lot and liked it very, very much.
You might want to look up the terms Asexual or Demisexual. Although people who don't feel the same way tend to think they're made up things, I think they're pretty much what you're describing.

[RagingFemininist]

SGB I fully disagree with you.
If you happen not never want to have sex, then it’s up to YOUR PARTNER to decide if they want to carry on.
It certainly nitbthat person responsibility to either end the relationhsip or accept their DP is having an affair.
A respectful relatuinhsiomwhous be that both partners are TALKING about it and TAKING A DECISION TOGETHER.
Not one person imposing their POV or one person feeling so guilty they can’t meet their partner needs that they have leave in shame of their inability.
Because that’s exactely how it reads.
If one is unhappy about the number of times they have sex, it doesn’t give them the right to be disrespectful.

[Hogtini]

If you don't think it's important then you're not doing it right .

[mustbemad17]

OP you say that people judge you for being cellibate, but in fact your entire post is basically looking down at those of us who aren't. Touch hypocritical don't you think?

No i don't need sex to live. But i like sex. I live a normal life, i'm a fully functioning member of society. So why shouldn't i? Regardless of who it is with, male or female, whether i'm single or in a relationship?

[purpleangel17]

I think they do - they are about people seeking their sexual pleasure at the expense of others. Because society has conditioned them to think sex is essential and a right. And I am not looking down my nose at anyone, anyone who knew me in real life would tell you I am not judgemental about people at all.

[KKOKK]

I think being celibate by choice would be more relevant if you were in a relationship, in that you would be purposefully removing sex from a relationship which might ordinarily have sex in it. Being celibate by choice when single is not worth mentioning from my point of view. So i'm not sure if i see your point.

[JacquesHammer]

You say we have sexual freedom - do we? The whole #metoo campaign suggests we don't

Actually I don't those two are in anyway related. We DO have more sexual freedom; the advent of contraception etc, the changes to statute meaning marital rape was illegal. That SOME men are still predatory isn't a result of sexual freedom.

Sex is massively important to me, I couldn't be in a sexless relationship. It doesn't work for me.

I don't spend much time thinking about others' sexual habits though, which makes me wonder why you think what other people do is "sad" if you're totally happy with your choices?

[EdmundCleverClogs]

people who have casual sex when in a relationship without their partner knowing and agreeing to it this isn’t ‘the norm’, this is just bad behaviour.

people who sexually harass are arseholes but not representative of the general population.

people who develop obsessions with porn an addiction and mental health issue.

people having sex before they are ready to because they feel they should the only good point you’ve made. There is a culture of ‘everyone is doing it’, hence why respect should be a key factor of teaching sex education. However, again that just stems from the old taboo of ‘sex is naughty, it’s only for married people, let’s do it so we have something to brag about’.

You don’t seem to understand your type of view - the idea that sex is only to be ‘special’ - is what makes it such a prevalent force in society. You make it taboo. You’re saying ‘it shouldn’t be important’ minimise the fact it is important to many people. What should be important is respect, and understanding you are not owed sex, rather than you shouldn’t enjoy it too much.