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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not go to a funeral of a colleague I disliked/who was unpleasant/who I had nothing to do with.

379 replies

Jilly12345 · 17/11/2017 11:44

So I work in a place that has 5 floors, and 150 people. One guy from my department- I will call him Steve (who was lower management) has always been a curmudgeon, and a right old misery. Whenever I asked him for anything that I needed, he huffed and puffed and said for fuck's sake! under his breath. He was very rude to people, especially women, and could never understand why WOMEN were in higher positions than him.

He was often passed over for promotion, because of his attitude, and was disgusted when a woman 10 years younger than him, rose above him in rank. (This was last year.) After that, he did everything he could to make life hard for her.

His wife left him 7 years ago (after tolerating him for 10 years,) and he has been alone since. A miserable, bitter, angry little man.

So on Monday, he died. A brain embolism. The funeral is next Friday. Everyone is being asked to give to a collection (don't know why - or who it's going to - as he had no wife or kids,) and to give a fiver each. Maybe it's for flowers. F knows. Also, everyone in our department is expected to go. (35 people.)

I am not a hypocrite, I couldn't stand the man, and have no wish to mourn him. He barely spoke to me, he was rude, he was a misogynist, and he was a bigot. I have told my line manager today that I am not going. She has gone batshit, and said I cannot refuse to go as that would look TERRIBLE.

Hilariously we are all expected to use half a day's leave or lose the morning's pay to attend the funeral. I have spoken to several colleagues of mine since speaking to her, and they don't want to go either. Confused

What can I do? Why should I go, when I couldn't stand him, he was a miserable git, and we rarely spoke?

OP posts:
limitedperiodonly · 21/11/2017 23:06

Before I'd been through this kind of thing at work daisychain01 and SandyY2K I had no idea. I thought I was very robust and could cite employment law just like you,

I n reality, people can make your work life very unpleasant

ivenoideawhatimdoing · 21/11/2017 23:36

Just because he's dead doesn't erase what he did when he was alive.

Don't go. Simple.

She can't do anything about it.

Angrybird345 · 22/11/2017 06:32

Op - what happened with HR?

Blodplod · 22/11/2017 09:29

I don’t think the OP will be back @Angrybird345. She updated her reasons why upthread

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