To be unimpressed at DH having 3 large glasses of wine last night...

[RaisonableLady]

First off - I know there are many people who are dealing with properly serious alcohol issues and I don't suggest I'm in the same boat... this is just a question about habits...

So last night I got home at 7 and DH was on his first large glass of white. (The DCs had been with the childminder till then btw).

He had 2 more by the time I took the kids up to bed at about 8.45. He wasn't argumentative but - as DCs correctly pointed out - he was being blummin annoying... wittering on about nonsense, glassy-eyed...

It was an ordinary week-day evening. I wasn't drinking, so he was drinking alone - (I don't have much - which I know colours my view ). He hadn't finished work for the week - he wasn't celebrating anything - we were all just watching It Takes Two and Masterchef.

Unsurprisingly, he fell asleep, snoring loudly, on the sofa before 9.30.

Help!! I just don't understand the point of downing 6 units of alcohol on your own... But then he's not necking a whole bottle, doesn't do it every night... Thoughts welcome.

You wouldn’t last long with my ex boss who used to have six cans every night, regular as clockwork.

And he still turned up for work at 7am every morning.

If it’s not regular, and he’s not physically hurting anyone (like, he’s not a nasty drunk) then what’s the problem? Three glasses doesn’t mean he’s mortal, and if he fell asleep in the chair, just leave him there.

Penggwyn- an affect is an ornament in baroque music.

Just skimmed through this thread... the same points of view crop up.

I like a glass of wine. Look forward to it even. There seems to be an attitude on MN that if you actively like wine, you shouldn't be having it... You have to have this magical 'can take it or leave it' attitude. If you genuinely like something, you don't tend to have a 'take it or leave it' approach though. For example- chocolate. Everyone would agree chocolate is not exactly healthy but they wouldn't give you this sanctimonious lecture about looking forward to your chocolate treat, would they? Even if it was a huge bar of galaxy. Alcohol in moderation is ok for most people - unless of course you enjoy it - then you'd better lay off

My husbands been doing this fairly regularly for the last year or so and I think its caused a huge wedge between us.

He's not his normal self and passes out so we don't have any time together without the kids.

I'm afraid I can't offer any help, but your message has spurred me on to talk to my chap tomorrow (he's passed out).

Drunk people are so boring and annoying. And if he’s leaving all the childcare to you and the cooking after you’ve been at work all day too, that’s not really on. Have you talked to him abou how you feel? I don’t think you’re being U at all.

'Wolfiefan

If your drinking affects your relationships and family then you're a problem drinker'

This - my DH has finally accepted he has an issue and asked for help. It has taken him having a full blown meltdown and smashing things infront of DS and me kicking him out for him to hit his rock-bottom, he started like the OPs OH and descended into drinking 12 cans a night because he'd had a hard day and about 20 cans a day on weekends because its the weekend, leaving me basically as a single-parent but with an extra dependent - he is now sorting his issue and working hard on relationship with DS. Whether there is a future in our relationship remains to be seen as his relationshio with alcohol has done so much damage...
Agree with others OP that DH needs another way to de-stress, perhaps you both take up something new and have 1 night per week each 'off' and share the parenting the other 5 nights? x

As an aside, effect can also be a verb - it means 'to bring about'

Oh Marry I wish you well. At least he has realised there is a serious issue. Good luck for the future.

Thankyou Wolfie

Bit late with my tuppence-worth, but anyone with first-hand experience of the decent into alcoholism will recognise warning signs in your DH's drinking, as you will have seen from some of the posts. He's using alcohol as a tool, to make him feel different, and it's having a harmful effect on his family life - he's missing out on time with you all and it's causing a rift between you two. He might not be drinking gallons, but he's drinking it fast, for maximum effect. It's not quite just harmless relaxation. Don't get me wrong - I bloody love a drink - and I will often have a drink in the evening, especially if I'm particularly tired or pissed off, so in a sense I too am using it as a tool - but it's not affecting the people around me. He's not too far down the line though - I'm not entirely sure what you can do to nip this in the bud, except suggest that you quietly try to work out what's not right with him - why is he drinking to feel better? I wouldn't recommend getting into battles with him about his drinking. He'll be defensive and it won't help. See if you can come at this from another direction. Hope things get better for you.

The impact on a drinkers relationships with their children and partner is not just the few hours that they are 'glassy eyed' - when they are effectively emotionally (and often physically) detached from them at the very best - but it is also all the stress caused at other times - dealing with the grumpy, moody, argumentative, tired hung-over parent who doesn't help out for the next 24hrs and snaps at the kids - the stress leading up to an event where the resentment builds and the nagging starts as you are all anticipating the shame they will cause.

What is his background OP? Often drinking is self medication for hidden hurt from childhood.