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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be unimpressed at DH having 3 large glasses of wine last night...

188 replies

RaisonableLady · 17/11/2017 11:01

First off - I know there are many people who are dealing with properly serious alcohol issues and I don't suggest I'm in the same boat... this is just a question about habits...

So last night I got home at 7 and DH was on his first large glass of white. (The DCs had been with the childminder till then btw).

He had 2 more by the time I took the kids up to bed at about 8.45. He wasn't argumentative but - as DCs correctly pointed out - he was being blummin annoying... wittering on about nonsense, glassy-eyed...

It was an ordinary week-day evening. I wasn't drinking, so he was drinking alone - (I don't have much - which I know colours my view ). He hadn't finished work for the week - he wasn't celebrating anything - we were all just watching It Takes Two and Masterchef.

Unsurprisingly, he fell asleep, snoring loudly, on the sofa before 9.30.

Help!! I just don't understand the point of downing 6 units of alcohol on your own... But then he's not necking a whole bottle, doesn't do it every night... Thoughts welcome.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 17/11/2017 16:11

Oh what nonsense. Missed out on alone time with his wife? He had a drink, he hasn't died!

hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea · 17/11/2017 16:14

NHS recommend men and women not to drink more than 14 units of alcohol a week, spread out over 3 or more nights. The OP's dh is drinking 10 units a night once or twice a week. So actually, yes, that is a problem regardless of anything else

The NHS guidelines are meaningless arbitrary nonsense. Where have you got the impression that anything over those "guidelines" is a problem of some kind?
It's simplistic and silly.

BarbarianMum · 17/11/2017 17:04

So link to some meaningful research then hot because all the research i know of shhows drinking a couple of bottles a week is harmful.

midnightmisssuki · 17/11/2017 17:07

YABU. It’s because you don’t drink that you’re judging your DH.

Allthebestnamesareused · 17/11/2017 17:07

I don't drink at all but my DH sometimes has a couple of glasses of red wine of an evening.

He has a very stressful job and if it helps him unwind then so be it.

So what if he fell asleep he clearly needed it.

As long as there is no worry about alcohol abuse I don't see what the problem is.

hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea · 17/11/2017 17:37

I'm not google, look yourself. Plenty out there.

BarbarianMum · 17/11/2017 17:47

I have looked and I can't find any. Go on, give me a hint? Researcher's name, publication date, anything?

hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea · 17/11/2017 17:49

You really can't find anything to tell you that the government guidelines is not an arbiter of problem drinking or not?

Not really trying, are you?

FinallyDecidedOnUserName · 17/11/2017 17:50

I’m with you @christmaspudding1

mumisnotmyname · 17/11/2017 18:01

Sometimes I have a couple of glasses of wine in an evening, my DH may or may not and vice versa, I am not up for having my moderate drinking judged by my partner. I may also fall asleep early regardless of wine consumption. But it isn't okay for your DH to leave you to do all of the work with DC, he needs to be stepping up working with you on that. If he drank so much that he couldn't then he should apologise and ensure he eats nibbles while wine drinking so he can pull his weight with child care next time.

BarbarianMum · 17/11/2017 18:01

No I said I couldn't find anything to show drinking more than 14 units a week is safe. Most studies suggest less.

LakieLady · 17/11/2017 18:16

If he's only irritating, talking nonsense and asleep on the sofa by 9.30 when he's had a drink, I'd say that was a result. My DP does those things a lot of the time, stone cold sober. Should I LTB? Grin

As long as he does his fair share of childcare and household stuff overall, I think YABU. If he generally leaves it all to you, YANBU. I don't think the drinking itself is much of an issue, and I don't think it's excessive, especially if he's had a particularly stressful day.

Original poster
RaisonableLady · 17/11/2017 18:46

He hadn't had a stressful day. Not much work to do, no childcare and an afternoon out with his mate.

He wasn't drinking to unwind, but for its own sake. Does that make a difference to all of you saying the poor cherub was just kicking back after a hard day??

Lots of you clearly think the 3 large glasses isn't a problem.

Ok - I'll take the majority vote on quantity even though it seems completely pointless to me.

It was the effect - enough to get DH to the glassy-eyed stage.

And it wasn't a one-off. I wouldn't have posted if it was. It's how he drinks.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 17/11/2017 18:59

It's how he drinks.
That would worry me.
Not just having the odd glass. Having to drink to the detriment of the family. It doesn't matter he isn't getting shit faced and vomiting. He's drinking more than is healthy. Regularly. It's affecting his kids and relationship.
Ignore the "well I drink a bottle a day and I'm alright" brigade. It's not healthy.
And if he had had a bad day? Alcohol is not a good stress relief strategy.

Ttbb · 17/11/2017 19:28

@NickyNacky, he was passed out asleep. They're both working parents. This time when the children are sleeping is the only chance they're going to get to spend proper time together, to have time to discuss matters relating to the sonestoc and married life together, this is the time that husband's and wives spend cuddling, telling each other that they love one another, talking about things that have made them unhappy, planning holidays/housemoves/Christmas plans, discussing problems and finding solutions. But of course all of these things aren't really important and it's fine for him to get regularly drunk at OPs detriment. What kind of idiot prioritises their wife over their wine right?

Pengggwn · 17/11/2017 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iamyourequal · 17/11/2017 20:06

Are you sure it was only the wine? If my DH was talking rubbish and glassy eyed after 3 glasses of wine I'd be surprised. Surelying men need more than that to get to that stage?

IsaSchmisa · 17/11/2017 20:13

I dunno, three large glasses is close enough to a bottle. On an empty stomach and tired, I wouldn't be that shocked. OP hasn't said anything about DHs size either. He could be five six and slender!

Original poster
RaisonableLady · 17/11/2017 21:27

He's not the biggest bloke TBH.

BTW came home tonight to find no feckin dinner - his turn. And one DC in tears 5 mins after I got back because he snapped at her. Angry

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 17/11/2017 21:48

Hungover or just being a twat?

Original poster
RaisonableLady · 17/11/2017 22:20

Twat

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 17/11/2017 22:25

Struggling to see his plus points TBH.
But I read that and nearly gave you a MN "did you mean to be so rude?!"
Then I re read my comment! Blush

Nicknacky · 17/11/2017 22:28

Oh ttbb give over with the over reacting drama. Maybe that's how you spend every minute of your blissful night but most married adults don't need a window of only a couple of hours to do all the rubbish that you just said.

I'm lateshift this week and not seen my H for days, think we will cope not cuddling on the sofa and so will op.

Original poster
RaisonableLady · 17/11/2017 23:06

Him not you Wolfiefan!

And actually Nicknacky there are other problems. We don't get 'quality ' time. It is an issue

We had what I thought was a good talk about it all the other day. Now I feel as sad as before.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 17/11/2017 23:12

It sounds really sad. Is there an underlying issue? Short tempered and drinking for a reason?
I have been known to be twattish on occasion OP. Grin Just took me a moment to realise you weren't saying I was this time!

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