Re: staff visiting employer in hospital

[ChangeyNamey1893]

My MIL recently became critically ill after a long illness. She was cared for at home by a maid.

She got very ill and eventually had to go in to hospital where she sadly died a week after being admitted. During the week she was in hospital we only had immediate family visiting (her husband, her children, their partners, her brothers and her husband's siblings).

Later when arranging the funeral the maid was told which days would be best for her to attend. She had a bit of a go at FIL and made it clear she was annoyed and upset that she hadn't been allowed to visit in hospital (he ignored this).

Were we being unreasonable to not have her visit? I wouldn't expect to go and visit my boss on his deathbed! This maid although nice is prone to being over emotional and also a source of irritation and exasperation for MIL.

I am profoundly atheist but I would not have made the decision your family did. I attempted to answer questions about how our maid fitted into our family and you stated that your maid was treated as an employee, for what it is worth my maid was an employee, she was paid for work and she worked hard. You asked if AIBU, some said no and some said yes. Some felt you had treated the maid with too little respect, some felt your family had respected your MIL’s wishes.

I don't think she would have horrendous a different response on most domestic help forums as this isn't a normal way to treat long term maids. I've witnessed some appalling treatment of maids (from all nationalities, this isn't a 'culture' thing, some of the worst offenders have been British) but I actually think if would be unusual for a long term maid not to be given a chance to say goodbye. Of course, the worst offenders never had longterm maids as the maids didn't renew contracts.

The way you gave talked about the woman here makes it you with the plank not the responders on this thread. You asked for opinions, were given them and your only response has been to complain that people aren't playing nicely. There is nothing you can do about the situation now but I still think you owe the woman an apology or at the very minimum an acknowledgement that you can appreciate why she might be upset. Isn't that human decency?