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Original poster

to have just cried when DS told me this? (edited by MNHQ)

299 replies

ReallyNormalForNorfolk · 16/11/2017 16:37

He's only just turned 7, and appears to have worked it all out for himself. Santa doesn't exist, does he mummy? It's just you and daddy isn't it? I honestly didn't know what to say. I don't like to lie exactly, and sort of changed the subject to how you can believe in things that you can't see - like love, different people's gods, etc. He then said religion was a load of rubbish and not true as he had never seen an angel come down from heaven. Fair dues, a rational analysis I guess, but I was hoping that this moment wouldn't be quite so soon.
He is in fact a very rational little boy, and I don't want to lie to him, and give him the time to make his own mind up - but I am sad to say I did shed a tear or two because it seemed like such a loss of innocence/watershed type growing up moment. I said "should we forget about xmas then?" No, he still wants the presents! I haven't confirmed or denied anything - just feel a bit awkward about it all -wwyd?

OP posts:
Fatjilly · 17/11/2017 19:38

Its very simple. If you believe in Father Christmas then he'll come. Once you stop believing then your parents have to give the stocking and presents instead. And for the record Father Christmas IS real!

Cromwell1536 · 17/11/2017 19:39

My, my value, you are chippy and cross. And you with a Ph.D and all. I've never come across any such attitudes as you describe on MN or indeed anywhere. Apart, maybe , a tiny bit, from my (Australian, working-class origins though class-migrants, Lutheran, Rotary) in laws who like to send their grandchildren slightly tiresome cards about goats they've bought.

Father Christmas was pretty much a busted flush in our household by age 5 of first child. Hasn't stopped Christmas being fun and welcome. I find the Christmas decorations, tree, music, food, guests, presents and atmosphere of goodwill during a break from work and school do the trick.

Madsy1990 · 17/11/2017 19:56

Fuck me, there are a lot of mardy bastards on this thread. All this 'congratulations you've got a smart kid' and 'first world problems', is there really any need to be such dicks?

emmcan · 17/11/2017 20:07

Seven is old enough to realise you get lied to sometimes. Especially by people that claim they love you.

grannytomine · 17/11/2017 20:12

I always told mine when they asked "that" question that Santa Claus was St Nicholas and we would then look at the story of Bishop Nicholas who became St Nicholas, we would talk about him being a good man and of him helping the poor. They liked the story, I think children do like to hear about kindness. They never actually asked if he brought the presents at Christmas and I never said he didn't. The eldest is in his 40s and has never actually told me he doesn't believe, I assume that means he believes the story of St Nicholas which is much more about the spirit of Christmas than the consumer event it is generally viewed as.

I think I was 7 when someone at school told me there was no Father Christmas, I remember feeling a bit disappointed but it wasn't the end of Christmas.

WanderingStar1 · 17/11/2017 20:14

Poor you! My DTs are ten in April and I'm 99.99% sure they still believe! I know one or two in their class don't and we have had the discussion about different religions etc but I really think they do still. They did suss out the tooth fairy a few months back and I just laughed - but when they then asked about FC I went all straight faced and said 'well, obviously that's totally different isn't it' and they agreed. No doubt at some point it will segue into the 'well it's up to you but if you don't believe he might not bring you anything?' and then it's all downhill - but I totally sympathise in you wanting to stretch it out as long as possible....... Wine

Dozer · 17/11/2017 20:20

You say he's a rational type. Reality is just as "magic" as stories. You can be skeptical and have joie de vivre!

valuerangeweetabixandmilk · 17/11/2017 20:30

Madsy Grin
Spot on.

CasanovaFrankenstein · 17/11/2017 20:32

Madsy you nailed it!

Lot of unnecessary coldness at the OP here.

WitchesHatRim · 17/11/2017 20:33

So anybody that doesn't believe in Santa should cancel Christmas according to your logic?

ChocolateWombat · 17/11/2017 20:34

If they are 10 it really won't be just 1 or 2 who don't believe!

I find this whole topic very interesting - both how parents handle it, but also how kids respond.

  • some parents are desperate for their kids to keep believing for as long as possible. They keep going with all the Santa fairy dust and everything and when asked questions about it either lie or evade the issue. For some people, Father Christmas has almost become like some kind of religion and people just can't bear the idea of their kids not believing it, or think it will absolutely ruin Christmas. And despite this, of course most kids by the age of about 8 have worked it out. They realise their parents can't bring themselves to say the truth for whatever reason and then thy show both self interest and empathy - they just go along with it all - they do it to be sure the presents will keep coming (especially if it's been said that if you don't believe FC won't come - the worst of all things to say, in my view) and also because they don't want to hurt their parents who long for them to believe. And this can go on well into adulthood. So you get parents who are sure their 10, 11, 12 year olds still believe. Haha! Presumably by the time the kids are grown up the parents accept they don't believe anymore, even though the conversation has never happened.
I find it all quite bizarre and wonder if this failure to address the truth or be willing to talk openly is also an issue for those families in terms of talking about how babies are made and other issues which need discussing as children grow up.
  • other parents also love their kids believing and enjoy it. And when their children start asking, they are perhaps a little bit evasive, but when they get the direct question, they are honest. And yes, they are a bit sad that a phase of childhood has passed, but they accept and u derstand that it is part of growing up, and that part of being a parent is helping children do that as they are ready....and that real joy can come from being honest with kids about all kinds of things and helping the, to understand and grow in an age appropriate way - it's one of the things we can feel pleased with ourselves about our parenting.....that as our kids grow, they know we will listen to their questions and be honest and not refuse to accept them gradually growing up. And those families still have great Christmases - they probably still do stocking and get up early to open to them and have lots of fun. If there are younger ones, the older ones know to keep the secret and feel a bit of a sense of being a bit more grown up 'in the know', and once all the kids know it's not real, families still have wonderful Christmases, full of gifts and fun. It doesn't mean innocence is over. Those 7 and 8 year olds who don't believe are still very innocent over loads of other things. Childhood doesn't end when you realise FC doesn't exist.

And why would anyone say 'if you don't believe Santa won't come' - it's the worst of everything.....children are desperate for presents, and this comment forces them to deny what they have grown to know is true, or are seriously wondering about and then means they cannot ask their questions. Crazy!

valuerangeweetabixandmilk · 17/11/2017 20:36

Cromwell not chippy. And yes a PhD.
I believed till 11. Not a thick child and my critical thinking is fine thanks Smile
Children believe what they want to.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 17/11/2017 20:36

These utterly bizarre people who believe stopping believing in Santa is a sign of intelligence ... not sure you’re that well placed to be criticising others for their lack of rationality and logic!

Fabulousdahlink · 17/11/2017 20:40

I went with Santa as a the representation of/ spirt of the season..jolly,, giving sharing family etc which we all certainly believe in..the'personification' of the chrostmas spirit or ethos. Kept my lot going until the last one worked it out too.

Impostress99 · 17/11/2017 20:46

What a dramatic OP.

piesinmyeyes · 17/11/2017 20:52

My DD is 10 and we both know Santa doesn’t exist but I told her (jokingly) that if she doesn’t believe she won’t get any presents, She laughs and we both go along with it. So she still has to write a letter And we keep the lovely tradition going because it suits the festive feeling

kastiekastie · 17/11/2017 21:18

when my son asked me I said 'where do you think the presents come from them?' he said some people said it's your parents so I said 'okay well what do you think?' he said 'how can it be you when you get presents too?' (yu,p I did and still do get myself Santa presents because I am especially good in my own head). It took him a few weeks of quizzing and working it out and then eventually when he did work it out for himself I said 'now you're quite a grown up boy and you have to keep that surprise for younger children' so we don't lose that magic. I still get santa presents for both of us. In fact last weekend I told him I'd seen Santa in poundland buying some of his stocking presents - my son has learnt to wink recently which is very cute and he loves the opportunity to try it out. If he ever says - even aged 12 - that he knows it's me, I say oh right well I'm on strike then. We just keep it as a joke between us now, is what I'm kind of trying to say. He's sounds like a smart kid and you can still all love Christmas - just make up some new traditions.

dinoboogie · 17/11/2017 21:25

Definitely planning to lie and let my kids humour me when it gets to this point Grin

libbs75 · 17/11/2017 21:56

I can remember being 19 and my mum bursting through my door wearing a Santa hat with my xmas stocking a little pissed telling me to shhhh and bloody well go to sleep 😂😂 I use to tell my kids that sometimes mums and dads helped Santa out and put extra in. But they now love seeing there cousins believe in him,

Clairaloulou · 17/11/2017 22:12

I’d just like to say.... isn’t the world shit enough? What is so wrong with celebrating a fairytale and injecting a bit of magical feeling? there is plenty of time for them to experience all the crap things going on in the world.

BikeRunSki · 17/11/2017 22:14

DS(9) worked it out this week. He was very agitated and yet very coy about telling us. We had little chat about "well, what do you think etc..." bt you know, he's not daft. Then we decided that we should keep the secret from DD(6) and all keep Father Christmas going for her. Which means that DS would have to keep having a stocking too. He thought that was an excellent idea!!!

(In our family FC brings stocking presents, family have always done big presents)

TittyGolightly · 17/11/2017 22:53

I’d just like to say.... isn’t the world shit enough? What is so wrong with celebrating a fairytale and injecting a bit of magical feeling?

Yes, the world is shit enough without me telling an active and absolute lie to my child.

You can celebrate a fairytale (or the meaning of it) perfectly well without having to believe it’s real!

TittyGolightly · 17/11/2017 22:54

DD may not have santa, but I’m not sat showing her footage of wars instead!

Chocwocdoodah · 17/11/2017 23:39

Jeez Titty, do you really have to refer to it as “lying”? It’s just something some of us tell our kids to, you know, make them happy. It’s not perjury ffs.

Julie8008 · 18/11/2017 00:13

Easter is magical even though we dont pretend there is actually a real giant sized rabbit running around laying chocolate eggs. Halloween is magical even though we dont pretend ghosts and witches dont actually scare people into giving us chocolate. Christmas is just as magical if you dont pretend the old man with a beard and and a red suit who sneaks into your bedroom when you are asleep and decides if your naughty or nice is actually real.

Children get as much if not more from the holiday if they know the truth. I think parents are very precious for some reason.