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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at teacher regarding dummy?

262 replies

Masha31 · 15/11/2017 20:36

My daughter turned 4 in August 4 and started foundation/reception class in September. She still has her dummy at bed time and in the car on the way to school. I'd rather she didn't have it and we are planning on 'sending it to santa' (or something along those lines) but it doesn't overlay worry me, she's content with it and not doing any harm.

However, today I dropped her off at breakfast club and a dummy dropped out of my pocket onto the floor and one of the morning supervisors handed it to me.....off I went to work.

I then arrived to pick daughter up from her afterschool club and the lady from the club took me to one said to say that she'd been asked to hand me a leaflet because daughter "has been seen to have her dummy in at breakfast club and said told the teacher she has it a lot at home. Mrs has spoken to daughter about her dummy so here's your Drop The Dummy leaflet". I was slightly taken a back and said she doesn't have the dummy at breakfast club and, slightly in shock, took the leaflet off her and left with my daughter.

I asked daughter about this and she clearly said " Mrs said that I have to give my dummy to Santa and that I'm not allowed it any more", I asked her how that made her feel to which she replied "sad because it helps me get to sleep".

Now don't get me wrong, I know at 4 years old she could do without it. However, AIBU to think that the teacher has no right to tell a my 4yo that she's not allowed her dummy or speak to her about it before speaking to me or my husband first? If they wanted to hand me the leaflet and/or contact me first then fine, but not challenge my daughter about it!

It also has angered me that this was triggered by me dropping the dummy at breakfast club and the staff in there have clearly gone and told someone at the school/the teacher. Slight bit of overkill don't you think?! Confused

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 16/11/2017 19:18

Saj1988
but to have one at 4 will, if not controlled and ultimately removed, will restrict the ability to communicate.

I hardly think a quick trip to school and falling asleep in bed with it is going to restrict her speech! She is already in school and nobody has noticed anything wrong with her speech.
And I doubt she does much talking when she is sleeping.

And if you had read the thread you would see that the op is going to be telling her dd to give the dummy up to Santa at Xmas.

TittyGolightly · 16/11/2017 19:25

this is one of those tricky transitions like potty training that needs to be tackled at some point

At some point when the child is ready, which is individual to each child.

rcat · 16/11/2017 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hudson123 · 16/11/2017 19:42

I love the way people are giving their opinions on dummies! OP asked for opinions on the current situation not whether or not you agree with her daughter ever having one!

Hudson123 · 16/11/2017 19:44

Personally I would be surprised by their 'advice' but would just ignore them. You know your daughter and will do what is right for her xx

Cuddlymummy77 · 16/11/2017 19:48

If it’s not affecting her speech then I don’t see how it’s any of their business! They only saw a dummy drop on the floor, not in her mouth!
My ds still used a dummy as comfort to fall asleep until the Christmas after his 4th birthday, he was in reception class.
I sucked my thumb until I was 11! Even at school!

😡 Seniorcitizen1! Very judgemental!
You’re obviously a perfect parent?!

Bluntness100 · 16/11/2017 19:52

I’d also accept their support. You want to get rid of it, they’ve taken the first step, you just need to tell your daughter they are right, they only said what you were thinking of saying anyway.

Not seeing the big deal here.

JerryGiraffe · 16/11/2017 20:10

You are definitely not BU. It's nice the school are happy to support but they definitely overstepped the mark and went about it the wrong way. My son is 3, never wanted a dummy but is a thumb sucker. I would be livid and likely go batshit if his nursery had behaved that way.
Maybe speak to the them and acknowledge their attempt at support but be very clear that you are unhappy with how they went about it. Good luck

ibblebibbledibble · 16/11/2017 20:16

What a load of nonsense. I literally could not care less what anybody thinks about my 3.5 year old twins still using a dummy at bedtime. Do people really give a shiny shit what others think about things like this? Honestly people think too highly of their own opinions. What's the saying... opinions are like arseholes....

cheval · 16/11/2017 20:25

Oh for goodness sake, interfering, and unhelpful! It’s between you and your child as to when and how it happens as to losing the dummy. Remember top-flight city banker on radio a few years ago who admitted he has a bits of childhood blanket sewn into his suits for reassurance!

flumpybear · 16/11/2017 20:54

DD had a milk bottle in bed to go to sleep til she was 4.5 - getting her iff it was like going cold turkey!!! But no, overstepping a line there! How’s her teeth and speech? If they’re suffering then yes perhaps but I suspect not

flumpybear · 16/11/2017 20:58

Those saying the child may need something to help push her to stop - perhaps the first step is the teachers ASKS the mum if she wants help

All you anti dummy mummies ... you didn’t have a sucky baby then lucky you!! One of mine was and a dummy soothed him, self weaned at about 8 months! Angry

SparkyBlue · 16/11/2017 21:25

My four year old still loves hers for bedtime. Sometimes she forgets about it so gradually she is easing off without any fuss or drama

Abbylee · 16/11/2017 21:36

They fibbed and went on to intercede with your dd. I would be angry. (Head told me that a quick hug at drop off was "spoiling" my dd, I smiled breezily and ignored him)

However, I never had a dummy and when I had dc, chose not to use one. I bf t's until 14 months ( preg with dd, so stopped) and dd moved to a bottle of water/juice until 2 or 3. I didn't want to give them something that I would have to take away!

BUT my slow to get to point is that I used yoga to relax them enough to go to sleep. No thumbsucking, but they had stuffed animals and I usually stayed until sleep.

It was my version of "yoga", start at toes and move up "hold tight, let go, breathe in, breathe out". Toes, Feet, ankles, calves, etc. I am not sure if it was the concentration, the relaxing or the breathing but it worked. No thumb,

Best wishes to all of you lucky ducks! I miss Santa holidays.Flowers

Dangermouse559 · 16/11/2017 21:42

My DD is 5 and still has a dummy at home. I don't see why it's any of the teacher's business if your DC has a dummy or not, I know that if it was me in your position I would be very annoyed. It's entirely our decision as parents whether our child has a dummy or not. I think that it's disgraceful to act in the way they did, well meaning or not asking your child isn't acceptable.

MrsPeacockDidIt · 16/11/2017 21:47

This is not the schools place at all. My DS was sucking his thumb in the womb and it was obvious that he was going to be a sucky baby. I did not want him sucking his thumb so dummy it was. He still had it at night when he started school. His speech was excellent so no worries there.

MrsPeacockDidIt · 16/11/2017 21:49

Sorry too soon

He had started to be teased by friends who saw dummy in his bedroom. One night when he was around. 4.5 I asked if he was ready to give it up and he said yes. No fuss nothing. Just like potty training wait till they are ready. Far less stressful for everyone.

ton181 · 16/11/2017 22:45

Dummys can cause lots of dental and palate problems you should ideally get rid of the dummy by age 3 or it will cause permanent deformities - fact. Google pics of dummy damage to teeth pictures, and see.

NK493efc93X1277dd3d6d4 · 16/11/2017 22:53

If you don't take the opportunity now then next time it may be the other children who raise this with your son.

Appears to me you've put it off for 3 years or so and should now bite the bullet.

TittyGolightly · 16/11/2017 22:53

it will cause permanent deformities - fact.

It might cause issues that need sorting out later. Not certain. Not fact.

caringcarer · 17/11/2017 00:26

Personally i think dummies are disgusting things and none of my children ever had a dummy. However she is your daughter and if you want to stick a dummy in her mouth then that is your choice and not the schools providing she does not have it at school where other children may laugh at her.

BakedBeans47 · 17/11/2017 00:30

Maybe they thought they were doing you a favour in case you didn’t know how to approach it yourself? I’d let it go.

midnightmisssuki · 17/11/2017 00:46

I never used a dummy but that teacher was out of line - you are the parent not her. I would be furious.

crimson54 · 17/11/2017 08:19

Lot of posters saying it's not the school's business, but it kinda is. Along with everything else their job is to help your kid integrate within the class.

Kids are naively honest at that age - if another child asked whether your dd still had a dummy she'd probably say yes as it's her normal. Kids are also cruelly honest at that age and there's every chance that could lead to her being called a baby and made fun of...which also has the potential stick throughout their time in that class (i.e. years).

Sure it could've been handled with more tact, but rather than be angry on this occasion it would be better to pick your battles as I suspect the teacher has your dd's best interest at heart.

TittyGolightly · 17/11/2017 08:40

Maybe they thought they were doing you a favour in case you didn’t know how to approach it yourself?

And if the OP had no intention of stopping it? Not the teacher’s place to take over and speak to the child without having discussed it with the parents.

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