To be annoyed at teacher regarding dummy?

[Masha31]

My daughter turned 4 in August 4 and started foundation/reception class in September. She still has her dummy at bed time and in the car on the way to school. I'd rather she didn't have it and we are planning on 'sending it to santa' (or something along those lines) but it doesn't overlay worry me, she's content with it and not doing any harm.

However, today I dropped her off at breakfast club and a dummy dropped out of my pocket onto the floor and one of the morning supervisors handed it to me.....off I went to work.

I then arrived to pick daughter up from her afterschool club and the lady from the club took me to one said to say that she'd been asked to hand me a leaflet because daughter "has been seen to have her dummy in at breakfast club and said told the teacher she has it a lot at home. Mrs has spoken to daughter about her dummy so here's your Drop The Dummy leaflet". I was slightly taken a back and said she doesn't have the dummy at breakfast club and, slightly in shock, took the leaflet off her and left with my daughter.

I asked daughter about this and she clearly said " Mrs said that I have to give my dummy to Santa and that I'm not allowed it any more", I asked her how that made her feel to which she replied "sad because it helps me get to sleep".

Now don't get me wrong, I know at 4 years old she could do without it. However, AIBU to think that the teacher has no right to tell a my 4yo that she's not allowed her dummy or speak to her about it before speaking to me or my husband first? If they wanted to hand me the leaflet and/or contact me first then fine, but not challenge my daughter about it!

It also has angered me that this was triggered by me dropping the dummy at breakfast club and the staff in there have clearly gone and told someone at the school/the teacher. Slight bit of overkill don't you think?!

Ugh. Was happily reading through the thread before coming across a walking dead spoiler. Why would you do that? I'm a season behind and that's really annoyed me.

Anyway, dummy wise - yes I think they over stepped. It's not like she's walking around with it all the time, which would impact on communication. We've just got rid of dummies after 3rd birthday but our nursery had no problems with her having it for nap times over the last few years. I'd ignore or tell them to butt out.

Like I said...sorry I wasn’t thinking.

Was happily reading through the thread before coming across a walking dead spoiler

TBF it really has no bearing at all on the plot and wasn't one of the main characters, so hardly merits a spoiler alert.

I think dummy's are ace. They help soothe the child especially for sleep time. Child goes to sleep much easier.

Lived in Vienna when my eldest was a toddler, was surprised by the SEVEN year olds walking around with a dummy in their mouth, but realised it was none of my business and also, its fairly common for them there!

What happens at home regarding the dummy is none of their business unless it affects speech or progress. I think they seriously overstepped and I'd be VERY angry :(

I’m a speech and language therapist and we usually advise getting rid of dummies by age 1 or 2 years at the latest because they can affect tooth development, and when a dummy’s in the mouth during waking hours then the child is less likely to talk. If they do talk while a dummy is in, their speech can be affected too. That said my own kids had dummies at bedtime until they were 2 because they were a bloody godsend! The NHS and schools these days have become ridiculous public health catch all’s - staff are asked to promote the government’s agenda during every interaction with people, children and families. My organisation wants us to ask every patient and their families if they smoke at every initial appointment, and then give out out stop smoking leaflets and healthy eating advice if they’re overweight. I work with kids and sometimes it’s not appropriate to do this. I can see where the well-intentioned teacher was coming from, but this was completely the wrong way to go about it. She should never have raised the dummy directly with your DD. I suspect teachers do this sort of digging for information from kids all the time though! (Dread to think what my DS tells his teachers about what we get up to...)

I painted my child's thumb with some clear stuff special made to prevent thumb stuckini. Unfortunately I can't remember what it was called.

Personally I think at 4 your daughter is too old for a dummy. Children should be weaned off dummies by the age of one.

In anycase they should be used only to help a baby get to sleep, they certainly shouldn't be walking around with one stuck in their mouth.

Having a dummy can affect speech and I think the teacher is only trying to help.

Super Nanny says: "There are times, however, in those early unsettled weeks when the baby has become so fractious that its parents feel that a dummy has become an essential item to placate and relax the child. How should they use it?

• Use it only when the baby is in an unsettled state.

• DO NOT use it when the child is quiet and contented.

• Be scrupulous with regards to sterilizing to avoid infections such as oral thrush or gastroenteritis

• Discard the dummy during the day when the baby is about three to four months of age. However, it may be used whilst the baby goes to sleep up to the age of 12 months, as this has been shown to help reduce the risk of cot death.
www.supernanny.co.uk/Advice/-/Health-and-Development/-/0-to-4-years/Should-my-child-be-using-a-dummy.aspx

I'd be pretty livid about them talking to my child directly about something like that. I'm actually really shocked how many people on here aren't, and can only assume it's because they agree that the dummy should go. However you feel about it, taking to the child not the parent is way out of line - I wouldn't be able to not complain about that one.

I understand the need for some children to have a dummy but to have one at 4 will, if not controlled and ultimately removed, will restrict the ability to communicate. Teachers understand child development and are trying to help your daughter. It is their business as I guess they will be teaching her.

My dd sucks her fingers. When she was about 4, so a few years ago, she told me that her lovely childminder had said she needed to stop. We had words. She didn’t say it again.

Totally not up to anyone except you.

Sorry but 4?? Too old and will help you to get rid of it. Can’t stand dummies personally.

It is their business as I guess they will be teaching her.

The school system does enough to try and turn kids into identikit machines. Teachers should accept the characteristics of individual children.

Oops posted too soon The actual point is - any advice the school wants to give should be given to the parents first, not straight to the child before even mentioning it to a parent
This, posted on page 4

Personally I think at 4 your daughter is too old for a dummy. Children should be weaned off dummies by the age of one.

And down the mines by 5 and living independently by 7.

Children develop at different rates, emotionally as well as physically. It doesn’t matter what you think.

I agree with titty

Way over the top from the school. Your child - your rules.

DT1 was reluctant to get rid of his. We made it an in bed thing only. A dummy is much better than a lot of things they could be relying on.

Good luck. Tell the school to bog off. She didn't have it at school. Are they going to come and check the contents of your fridge in case the snacks are not 'age appropriate'?

Massive overstep by the teacher. I couldn't care less if a child has a dummy for comfort, Ds kept his under his pillow after he was about 2.5 and used it at night only. He'd also go and get it and lie down if he was upset or hurt. Dd was a thumb sucker did it in her sleep till about 8, something you really can't control 24/7 I have often seen primary kids in the playground thumb sucking for a minute or two.
It never affected speech as Ds and Dd had to remove the dummy/thumb to speak or we couldn't understand them well I could but I told them I couldn't

Me again! Omg I paint my daughters thumb all the time! She is 9....

She’s also SEN including Autism though...

Wish the paint worked with her! She screams and screams, I do it anyways, stops her for all of 30 mins.

All 3 of mine have been different, one was a dummy, one sucked nothing and one thumb, I did nothing different with them! I prefer dummy over thumb because at least eventually it will be gone! Thumbs are always on their hands...

The seven year olds I mentioned earlier? It was a school grp walking around the city... different cultures and all that! Each to their own!

I agree the teacher was probably well meaning, but it isn’t ok to go directly a child so young over something like this without discussion with the child’s adult!

Seniorcitizen1 Wed 15-Nov-17 20:52:18
My son never had a dummy ever- can’t understand why any parent would give their child one as completely unnecessary

DD had a dummy as she had reflux and it was one of the only ways to help her with that. It was on advise of health advisors and after trying various other things too. It didn't always work but sometimes it did. She only ever had it when about to sleep or if ill. If she was trying to speak it was always removed immediately. She stopped having it when she turned 2y.
It did not cause tooth decay or cavities in any way - no fillings, etc.
It did not hinder her communication or speech - she was saying her first words early and using short sentences or phrases from 12 months.
It did not cause her orthodontic issues - she has had orthodontic issues but NOT from the dummy; teeth grew through in wrong order and in wrong places - a dummy dissent cause that.
It did not mean we didn't give her attention - infact it was because we were giving her so much attention that we gave her a dummy; so that she could be calm and soothed when in pain and discomfort.

All babies and people are very different - what works for some, doesn't for others - and vice versa.

I fought against everyone who tried to force my son to stop sucking his thumb, I said he'd stop when ready.

Without any fuss, he's gradually stopped and you'd never know he'd ever stopped it. His teeth are perfect.

I think forcing the issue when the child is not ready causes more harm than good.

They may not have handled it well but a dummy at four can cause speech and language issues and dental problems. You were getting rid of it anyway so use this to your advantage. Doesn’t have to be a big deal frankly.

None of their business - sick of this 'what is right' carry on with children all the time - each one is an individual and what suits one may not suit another - your child, your choice - if it helps them, good ... mine were given them by the nurses in the hospital a day after I'd had them - used them in bed until they were 5 or 6. They used to fall asleep with them in and they'd drop out anyway. Do what you want to do

Omg, talk about big brother!! It is totally your choice, which might I add is an informed one, you know the pros and cons. My son was well over 4 before he dropped his dummy. He only had it to settle at night when he was older and I’d then take it away. We eventually gave us to the dummy fairy who brought a very niceness present as compensation!!

I wish my daughter would have taken to a dummy and can see their appeal in early months, but this is one of those tricky transitions like potty training that needs to be tackled at some point. It isnt easy is it to take those things that you both rely on away. For my dauggter it was boobs at 21 months and it was really hard on us both. But we got through it and so will you xx