To not notice I was being excluded!

[Mrbluethecatt]

I work with 4 other women all of which are at least 10 years older and have worked together for a long time. Initially when I started 6 months ago I was invited to go out for lunch or coffee. This then petered out. I wasn't that bothered as we have little in common and have different ideas and opinions.

I have noticed that they often go out for lunch and coffee, met up at weekends etc and often discuss these occasions at work. I do join in if they are talking about work or TV like bake off so I don't just ignore them.

I've been getting growlers and looks over the last few weeks which I have been ignoring. This has escalated to tuts and huffs if I speak to them. I asked one of them if there was a problem, she said there wasn't.

I've had a email this afternoon from my manager wanting all of us to meet tomorrow to discuss what's being going on over the last 6 months. My response was what do you mean? What has been going on? My manager then forwarded me an email he received from one of the women essentially saying that I have been distant and haven't been actively sociable with them. Haven't invited them to my home, to meet my family etc. So on the back of this they have been excluding me from their activities and Facebook group. They are upset I haven't noticed and have therefore caused an atmosphere at work.

Aibu to....well I don't know. What do I do now?

Oh those women are bonkers - there is no way they can come out of this looking good!

Unfortunately in some jobs, it really is - sales being one of them.

Expected, maybe. Essential, no.

Not one person from work has been in my house.

They are work collegues not friends

Very strange

Wow!

Unless the sole purpose of this meeting is for your boss to tell these people to stop bullying and learn about professional behaviour, you need to start job hunting immediately.

Ridiculous, what sort of place do you work in?

Expected, maybe. Essential, no.

Only if you don't consider promotions, bonus and possibly keep your job essential.

Eh?

You should ask for an HR representative to be in the meeting, for when you calmly ask your manager to point out where in your job description it says you have to invite work colleagues round to your house to meet your family for you to be able to do your job. I can't believe these silly women have complained that you haven't noticed they've been ignoring you!

But if the OP was working in one of those environments where you're expected to socialise then the manager should have made that clear from the start. Workplace culture should be part of any induction/settling in period.

Honestly, if your manager isn't having this meeting for the sole purpose of telling them to wind their necks in (after they've told you explicitly that there's no problem, then admitted to workplace bullying) ask for a copy of the grievance procedure in the meantime, and get job hunting!

Omg they sound like really hard work. How petty, they sound like they have never left the playground. Their behaviour dos sound very unpleasent.

I cant believe they have actually admitted to excluding you..and them being miffed you haven't really noticed. How old are they ?

I bloody ADORE my work colleagues - but I don't invite them to my house! Why would I? I don't work in my house...

I am shamelessly placemarking. Keep a copy of that email in case this escalates and you need it later.

But if the OP was working in one of those environments where you're expected to socialise then the manager should have made that clear from the start. Workplace culture should be part of any induction/settling in period.

It doesn't really work like that in real life though, does it?

But as I said above, even if you are in these kind of culture, it means socialising with the team, not intruding in people's private homes and families. The whole scenario is bonkers.

Ask the manager if he/she would prefer to fully brief you to the correspondence about you to date or should you raise a formal grievance on the evidence provided to date and let the rest of the emails be reviewed as part of the formal procedure.

I would be looking around if I were you, the manager shoukd never have entertain their nonsense.

I’ve never had a work collegeaue come to my house.

I’m glad I don’t work . People drag you into all their shit! Good luck with the meeting!!

So they've admitted in an email that they're bullying you - interesting

They haven't aditted to ostracising at work though-just socially, which Op doesn't care about.

They need to know that they must at least be polite at work though without the tutting & huffing!

You haven't noticed because you are a grown up at work not a kid in a playground! The mind boggles!

Seconding that you ask for an HR rep to be present. They appear to misunderstand the situation: you are not obligated to wear their friendship bracelets, but they are obligated not to behave in such a hostile and antagonistic way that they impede everyone's working performance.

Huh? this is actually funny.....they are upset, as you have unknowingly excluded yourself socially after work from things you had no invite to...or any desire to go to?

Or have l got this wrong?

This is amazingly bat shit crazy! These woman are a sandwich short aren't they, as is your manager for going along with this and not telling the harpies to get to fuck. I have no advice, I can just wish you good luck....and ask when are you issuing the mumsnet massive invite so we can pop round your house and meet your family?