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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not notice I was being excluded!

525 replies

Mrbluethecatt · 15/11/2017 16:59

I work with 4 other women all of which are at least 10 years older and have worked together for a long time. Initially when I started 6 months ago I was invited to go out for lunch or coffee. This then petered out. I wasn't that bothered as we have little in common and have different ideas and opinions.

I have noticed that they often go out for lunch and coffee, met up at weekends etc and often discuss these occasions at work. I do join in if they are talking about work or TV like bake off so I don't just ignore them.

I've been getting growlers and looks over the last few weeks which I have been ignoring. This has escalated to tuts and huffs if I speak to them. I asked one of them if there was a problem, she said there wasn't.

I've had a email this afternoon from my manager wanting all of us to meet tomorrow to discuss what's being going on over the last 6 months. My response was what do you mean? What has been going on? My manager then forwarded me an email he received from one of the women essentially saying that I have been distant and haven't been actively sociable with them. Haven't invited them to my home, to meet my family etc. So on the back of this they have been excluding me from their activities and Facebook group. They are upset I haven't noticed and have therefore caused an atmosphere at work.Hmm

Aibu to....well I don't know. What do I do now?

OP posts:
Ellyess · 18/11/2017 14:41

You'll notice that not one reply disagrees that they are being completely unreasonable! I suspect they are breaking the law too, but this might not be a good approach. I'd look for another job, but certainly let them see how unreasonable they are, show these replies to them! Meanwhile remember; YOU are the sane one here!! good luck and lots of love.

Touchmybum · 18/11/2017 15:37

The comments about MoD are interesting; DH had a similar experience.

OP, I think you should go to work on Monday as normal. I only just saw this thread, but I would have advised you strongly not to attend any meeting at this point. In any case, you need representation. Clearly it can't be a colleague and it doesn't sound like you are in a union, which would be the norm? You need to be accompanied (and I wouldn't suggest the HR consultant as he is contracted to the company and therefore has their best interests at heart, not yours). If you have a mortgage and have legal cover provided for on that, you may be entitled to free employment advice (ref to MoD above!!!)

The manager sounds weak and cowardly but these situations do develop over long periods of working together, those this is extreme! You have all the evidence you need in the email you received. I wonder whether there was a 'reason' he forwarded it to you, or would he be 'smart' enough... at any rate, the team should have been welcoming and inclusive towards you, as the new person! (I was the new person not that long ago myself and did not feel welcomed or included but am not unduly bothered!)

Do not resign. According to Citizen's Advice website you do need 2 years' service to claim CD. Don't let the assholes ruin a job you enjoy. I think that this should result in disciplinary action being taken against your colleagues, if not your manager too (he may claim he was unaware until he got the email). That email is dynamite! Is there a workplace bullying and harassment policy? If not check out ACAS as they set out 'standards' that employers should be working to.

My most crazy moment in work was - I think, there's many - a member of staff was ranting and raving because she thought she was being unfairly treated. She wasn't. She lost the plot and announced she was resigning, and brought a letter of resignation to my desk. (While internally doing a happy dance), I asked her to take it back, reflect, and not rush into anything hasty (with my professional head on!)

The next morning she complained to our director that I had "bullied her out of resigning"!!! People are incredible. You think you've seen it all but there's always another brand of crazy out there!

smilingontheinside · 19/11/2017 00:12

I've worked with people like this and tits for bosses bit love my job now, we are all very different but work well together and none of us wish to socialise outside work. We are all also at an age where we "don't put up with shit" so think that helps. I have gone through grievance procedure once and won but never went back as it was miserable and there were better places to be. Hope this has the right outcome for you OP

AmyandReuben · 19/11/2017 09:16

I REALLY need to know what happens next! How the meeting goes! Etc. This is sooo bizarre. It's like.... they told on you because you didn't want to play with them.

Bekabeech · 19/11/2017 09:25

OP I'm really hoping for some kind of positive outcome. It all sounds too weird for words.
And them admitting to bullying you in writing...

Twomky · 19/11/2017 19:58

I hope your weekend has been restful OP. I've had your situation on my mind and I find it hard to believe how crazy some people are! Be strong and I hope that next week is a better one for you xxx

lalliella · 21/11/2017 00:02

@Mrbluethecatt how are things now?

TinyPaws · 21/11/2017 19:59

How are you doing, OP?

Your colleague's behaviour is bizarre and immature in the extreme.

Ttbb · 22/11/2017 12:53

OP, everything ok?

I'm starting to worry that your nutty colleagues have kidnapped you and tied you up in a shed somewhere and are taking turns shining bright lights in your eyes and shouting 'Why won't you introduce us to your home family?!'

showmewhatyougot · 22/11/2017 15:25

Wow they are insane, hope you are feeling better now x

paganmolloy · 22/11/2017 15:25

So what's happened then? Come on OP update us or we'll start thinking it's all been a bluff

Butteredparsn1ps · 22/11/2017 15:47

Not placemaking at all. Just passing by.

LakieLady · 22/11/2017 15:51

I'm really itching to hear what (if anything) happened at the meeting.

I really hope OP is ok, and comes back to update us.

Gemini69 · 22/11/2017 23:41

what's happened since the Meeting OP.. Flowers

TheMaddHugger · 23/11/2017 01:31

@Mrbluethecatt are you ok ?

I tried to send a PM to you but the notification said unable to send you PM's

TheDowagerCuntess · 23/11/2017 03:22

I can't believe the OP is basically saying she's going to leave a job she loves over such pettiness.

Come on.

poooooooop · 23/11/2017 09:05

I fear op has forgotten us Sad

Thegirlinthefireplace · 23/11/2017 09:32

I would guess OP cannot currently talk about it publicly for legal reasons (e.g. Compromise agreement or similar)

MargiaStevens · 23/11/2017 17:52

Not place marking.... but would love to know what happened!

cailisto · 23/11/2017 21:21

Hope you’re ok, OP xx

paganmolloy · 24/11/2017 12:40

She could just come back and say she can't say for legal reasons but I'm beginning to think it's a hoax. Sorry. It just seems too far fetched. I'll happily be proven wrong though!

Trinity66 · 24/11/2017 12:43

How odd Confused Being invited to workmates homes is a requirement now? Your boss should have told them to feck off

KirstyLaura · 25/11/2017 12:53

How bizarre. Don't leave a job you love because of such pettiness... If their behavior isn't managed appropriately then deal with that as needed. You're clearly capable and educated. Stand up for yourself.

NotAgainYoda · 25/11/2017 16:50

This is very odd.

Lilliepixie · 07/12/2017 09:06

Mrblue- did anything happen here? How are you?

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