To not notice I was being excluded!

[Mrbluethecatt]

I work with 4 other women all of which are at least 10 years older and have worked together for a long time. Initially when I started 6 months ago I was invited to go out for lunch or coffee. This then petered out. I wasn't that bothered as we have little in common and have different ideas and opinions.

I have noticed that they often go out for lunch and coffee, met up at weekends etc and often discuss these occasions at work. I do join in if they are talking about work or TV like bake off so I don't just ignore them.

I've been getting growlers and looks over the last few weeks which I have been ignoring. This has escalated to tuts and huffs if I speak to them. I asked one of them if there was a problem, she said there wasn't.

I've had a email this afternoon from my manager wanting all of us to meet tomorrow to discuss what's being going on over the last 6 months. My response was what do you mean? What has been going on? My manager then forwarded me an email he received from one of the women essentially saying that I have been distant and haven't been actively sociable with them. Haven't invited them to my home, to meet my family etc. So on the back of this they have been excluding me from their activities and Facebook group. They are upset I haven't noticed and have therefore caused an atmosphere at work.

Aibu to....well I don't know. What do I do now?

Omg this is hilarious. Claim ignorance and ignore.

Wow! I like the ladies I work with but don't want to socialise with them. We had a an issue with a colleague last summer that was a nightmare to deal with. She was bu, not me though!

Demand a pay rise op!!

I would have the meeting with your manager and your colleagues and 'discuss' this situation, meeting family etc sounds very strange but I see nothing wrong with coffee meet ups and the occasional meal out if everyone is in agreement. It would be interesting to hear what your manager has to say.

But gilly you cant make it compulsory to see colleagues in your free time. Id hate that!

What an awful situation OP. Hope you can resolve it and get back to the job you love 💐

This must be one of the strangest work place bullying situation I’ve ever heard of...we were only doing it because we wanted to play with her...

gilly have you read the thread?

I don’t even want to hang around with colleagues in work time let alone in my free time!

Do you live in Royston Vasey?

Mad! Something similar happened to me a few years ago. I ended up being called a bully because I had acted only professionally with a work colleague, rather than 'as a friend'! We had a meeting, she retracted the accusation and admitted reasoning behind it. Ultimately however I left as I couldn't deal with management's dreadful handling of the whole thing. I agree with LurkingQuietly here but depending on how it's dealt with, it might signal good reason to look for another position. Good luck- they're bonkers!

Do not leave a job you love! Maybe talking it through would clear the air then you can get back to a more comfortable and accepting existence keeping yourself to yourself. Your boss clearly needs a lesson in team management though😮... This is of course with my rose tinted glasses thinking the best of people...😇🤔

Hope you had a nice day off op

N

I expect your job description does not include invite your colleagues to your social events and include them to family events and really it is not the norm.

Just concentrate on your job and as long as you are doing what is expected in that capicity, then you have no cause for concern.

Rise above it

This is horrendous!!

I agree, do not leave. You are a strong, well educated, impressive, independent woman. Do not let these idiots bully you.

It's highly likely they will end up with some warning against them and be moved on.

They need to learn.

I call possible constructive dismissal, definitely don't resign

They sound crazy! And rubbish at bullying.... 😉

I purposely don't socialise outside of work with my colleagues. I prefer to keep the two separate and hence my professional relationships just that. I have never heard anything negative about that having worked in various teams. These ladies sound very strange. You really don't need to be best friends with your work colleagues. As for your boss, I really can't believe he is taking the complaint seriously. On the plus side your boss has just handed you enough evidence that were you to loose your job, you could prove you were subject to exclusion at work which is a form of bullying.

I really hope this gets resolved to your satisfaction, I am completely gobsmacked at their attitude towards you!

This is bang out of order and, I’d say, a form of bullying! What was the outcome of your meeting? I’m going though something similar at the moment and I totally understand. I’m actually thinking about leaving my job because of it as I feel that life is too short and I really don’t need the stress of something that shouldn’t really be stressful! I really hope you get it all sorted out soon. Xx

My advice is to leave - they clearly have it in for you...

Some people are just nuts. I work with a lady who took the huff and demanded a meeting be called by her manager because when she came into work on the Monday following her 50th birthday the colleague didn't ask her how her party went. Said colleague was told to apologise

This is bonkers! What a bunch of witches. Really hope you get it resolved - they sound completely delightful to work with...

Wtf? Ha ha haaaaaaa! That's hilarious! How funny that you so full-heartedly gave no fucks about them that you didn't even notice you were being excluded! Priceless! 😂😂😂