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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a total invasion of privacy? (New boyfriend searching my details at work)

152 replies

Kellyopio · 15/11/2017 12:28

I started dating someone 7 weeks ago.
I work part time in a office and also look after my gran who is 93 with dementia.
I live in a council property at the moment and get help with housing benefit.
I didn't want to get into great detail with him so just said I work office work.
He is a housing officer for a local council (25 mins away from me) different council tho.
He has never been to my house and I've never given him my address.
Sunday we were going for a meal and I was in town so I said it's ok to pick me up from town.
I got in his car he said driving was a nightmare it would of been easier to pick you up from (my address)
I've never told him my address and he keeps asking questions about work and hours I do and housing benefit etc
I think he's been searching my details.
Would you be annoyed?

OP posts:
underkerstumbled · 15/11/2017 13:14

Is he just a housing officer though, or does he do more than that? Does he, perhaps, look into housing benefit claims and investigate people , checking for fraud?
Maybe he can't keep his work and personal life separate and he has decided to investigate you.

Italiangreyhound · 15/11/2017 13:14

I would not go out with him. He sounds creepy.

Was him saying he could log something for you a way of trying to find out your address, or do you know he definitely knows it.

It's none of his business what work you do.

"...so just said I work office work." That's not lying because that is what you do. Also, as you feel uncomfortable about your life and work around him, you know this is not a good relationship to be in. You should be comfortable around someone you are dating. You are clearly not, so you know this is not right for you.

Thanks
Excited101 · 15/11/2017 13:15

What on Earth gave you the idea he might know your address?? Nothing you've said would really indicate that and unless you're dripfeeding I think this is a massive overreaction and assumption on your part.

PeiPeiPing · 15/11/2017 13:18

As someone who worked in housing for over a decade, yes he CAN look you up, and everything about you, even how much HB you have, even if he is with a different council or housing association. They often work together.

This is well creepy, and well below the belt. I would ditch his ass and report him actually. This is a gross invasion of privacy, and is a sign he will eventually be controlling. Fuck that shit. Hmm

Cheeky fucker.

Original poster
Kellyopio · 15/11/2017 13:19

He is just a housing officer.
He manages estates,does new tenancy interviews and welcome visits etc

OP posts:
TsunamiOfShit · 15/11/2017 13:19

What on Earth gave you the idea he might know your address?? Nothing you've said would really indicate that and unless you're dripfeeding I think this is a massive overreaction and assumption on your part.

He told her what street she lives on!

letsdolunch321 · 15/11/2017 13:20

Weirdo.

Run, run, run .....

2018babyonboard · 15/11/2017 13:20

If he works for a housing association he won’t have access to your benefits/financial information except your address and how much your rent is. He will also be able to see if your rent is paid in Benefits but not your financial info.

I used to work for Housing benefits and if an association wanted details on one of their tenants benefits, we had to have written confirmation from the claimant that we could discuss it with them or we couldn’t due to DPA.

He’s probably got your address and the like but I wouldn’t worry about him knowing about your benefit claims and finances.

Original poster
Kellyopio · 15/11/2017 13:20

How is this a massive over reaction?
I got in his car after picking me up in town and said something along the lines of
..(traffic was a nightmare,been easier or should have picked you up from (my street name)
I've never told him my street name ...
Then went on to quiz me about how many hours I worked again and asking if I ever claimed benefits

OP posts:
Wtfdoipick · 15/11/2017 13:21

What on Earth gave you the idea he might know your address?? I think it was him saying the road name which made the op think that.

Op please report that you suspect he has been accessing your details. The authority will need to do an audit and I'd bet anything that you are not the only file he has accessed when he has no work reason to do so.

RedSkyAtNight · 15/11/2017 13:21

Depends if OP's street is a lesser known cul-de-sac in the back end of nowhere ... or if OP lives on a well known thoroughfare which might reasonably be suggested as a suitable collection point!

PovertyPain · 15/11/2017 13:22

Just another point. If you end up under investigation, then report the fucker, as i wouldn't put it past the creep to try to drop you in it. At that stage you would have nothing to lose.

Original poster
Kellyopio · 15/11/2017 13:24

I live 10 mins from town and it's just a small street with 6 houses so not really a big known place.
Even then he couldn't just pluck the name out of the air as he doesn't live in my city.

OP posts:
BMW6 · 15/11/2017 13:24

Report him and ditch the creep.

Italiangreyhound · 15/11/2017 13:27

Kellyopio "Im not going to continue seeing him as I wasn't that keen to start with and even less so now."

Can I ask, just out of curiosity, if you were not that keen to begin with, why you have been seeing him for 7 weeks?

I am not suggesting anything negative at all, except that maybe you are too open to other people's feelings. If he likes you and you are not that keen you are not required to go out with him/date him (or anyone else). You can just say no, thanks, or no, or you could just be friends with someone. Sorry if that sounds super obvious but I know some women find it hard to say no to a guy who pays them attention and the fact you did not want to tell him your address or give him info about yourself suggests to me you had real reservations all along.

Just want to encourage you to listen to those 'reservations' in future and not feel 'pushed' into anything.

Thanks
wowfudge · 15/11/2017 13:27

Yes - dump him and report him. You don't have to tell him why you are dumping him. If you have any fears for your safety whatsoever, please let the police know.

Wow2806 · 15/11/2017 13:29

New data protection laws are out next year as well.

I f he did this after May 2018 he wouldnt just get the sack but possibly a very large fine as well.

#dumphim

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 15/11/2017 13:29

Yes to dump and report, even if they decide it was above board at least they'll be keeping it in the back of their minds if when it happens again.

Orlandointhewilderness · 15/11/2017 13:32

hmm. i'm with the pp poster, there is an awful lot of jumping to conclusions here. have you actually spoken to him!?!

VelvetSpoon · 15/11/2017 13:34

I find it odd you'd continue to date someone you're not that keen on for 7 weeks. Why bother beyond the first date? You obviously don't like him, is your self esteem that low that you feel obliged to date men you have no interest in?

If I was dating someone and after 7 weeks they'd not even told me the area/ road they lived in though, I'd find it pretty odd and think they had something to hide. Don't you think he might find this a bit strange? I'm assuming he's told you where he lives of course.

If (and it is only an if) he's checked your details at work that is misconduct, and inexcusable. However it seems much more likely he's looked online and got the info, or worked out from things you've said roughly where you live and when he said he should have picked you up from X street, perhaps said it as that's one pf the main roads in that area, not because he knew you lived on it.

That said, just think about why you're concealing stuff about yourself. If it's because you're not comfortable with that person knowing because you're not sure about them/ not interested in them, then why waste time on dating them, it clearly isn't enjoyable nor is it going anywhere. Surely you have better things you could be doing with your time?!

Original poster
Kellyopio · 15/11/2017 13:36

I continued to date him as I thought maybe feelings may grow and I didn't want to rush into dumping him incase I was being hasty.
How could he find my street name online?

OP posts:
RaspberryOverload · 15/11/2017 13:37

i'm with the pp poster, there is an awful lot of jumping to conclusions here

This guy has specifically mentioned the name of OP's street, which is not a main road, in fact a small street.

He's quizzed her on her hours and whether she's claimed benefits.

OP I think he's looked you up.

Dump, and report. You don't have to explicitly state he's looked you up, only that you think he has as he's been using information he couldn't otherwise have had.

ZoellasAdventCallender · 15/11/2017 13:37

Then went on to quiz me about how many hours I worked again and asking if I ever claimed benefits

On our database you can see on the tenants account how much of their rent they are liable for, so you can work out if there is a housing benefit element. It also gives the reference no. for the housing benefit claim. My access is restricted just to the tenants in patch though, if I'm covering another patch I have to get authorisation from IT to access those details.

What a cheeky fucker he is, how is it his business what you are claiming?

Theresnonamesleft · 15/11/2017 13:37

I cannot believe people are trying to defend this guy and his actions.

She never told him where she lives. But he knows. Even if she had registered on the electoral register, it's still creepy as fuck that he would actively search for her. Even if she had registered, she could have opted out, meaning no listing on 192

If he couldn't access her details, then how can he report a repair for her at his office?

ilovekitkats · 15/11/2017 13:38

Have you googled your own name and town to see what information appears about you? If your address appears anywhere, then you can't prove that he accessed the information via work.

Aside from that, I would not see him again if I were you. The fact he is quizzing you shows that he thinks you are falsely claiming benefits, which he would do, if you told him you worked full time. As long as you have nothing to hide then there can't be any comeback from him on this if you end it.