Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a total invasion of privacy? (New boyfriend searching my details at work)

152 replies

Kellyopio · 15/11/2017 12:28

I started dating someone 7 weeks ago.
I work part time in a office and also look after my gran who is 93 with dementia.
I live in a council property at the moment and get help with housing benefit.
I didn't want to get into great detail with him so just said I work office work.
He is a housing officer for a local council (25 mins away from me) different council tho.
He has never been to my house and I've never given him my address.
Sunday we were going for a meal and I was in town so I said it's ok to pick me up from town.
I got in his car he said driving was a nightmare it would of been easier to pick you up from (my address)
I've never told him my address and he keeps asking questions about work and hours I do and housing benefit etc
I think he's been searching my details.
Would you be annoyed?

OP posts:
SecretSmellies · 15/11/2017 12:45

That gave me the creeps too.

Besides the data breach, him saying he judges people on benefits- when he is a housing officer- is also horrid.

But it smacks of stalkery, creepy, controlling, unempathetic, unaware of boundaries etc.

SurlyValentine · 15/11/2017 12:47

If the council you rent from and the council he works for share a Housing department (lots of councils started sharing functions to save money when central government started cutting the amount of funding councils were given), then theoretically he could look at your rent account, but wouldn't necessarily have access to your Housing Benefit claim records.

If the above scenario is the case, then he would be able to see HB being credited to your rent account, and if there was something in your rent account notes about your circumstances (working X number of hours) he would be able to see that too.

Part of his job as an officer of the council is to check that council funds are being spent correctly, so if you've told him you work full-time, he has a duty to report that to the HB department for them to investigate whether you have been awarded the right amount of HB. He doesn't know that you fibbed about the hours you work. However, it's absolutely not his job to cross-examine you, or try to access records that he has absolutely no right to see.

It all sounds much too much like hard work to me, especially in a 7 week old relationship. Dump and move on.

BenLui · 15/11/2017 12:48

Dump hill immediately.

Report him to his employer. It’s a gross breach of your privacy.

Oddmanout · 15/11/2017 12:48

Sounds creepy to me, stalkerish to be honest! I would think someone like that would become controlling too later on.

I'd end it before it gets more complicated/even worse.

flimp · 15/11/2017 12:49

Dump and report him. Hopefully the agency he works for will have some way of auditing who has accessed your file. If he has then it would be gross misconduct and potentially a sackable offence.

dadseven · 15/11/2017 12:49

Wait, when he said this ''driving was a nightmare it would of been easier to pick you up from'' did it follow that with your exact address like....

''driving was a nightmare it would of been easier to pick you up from 96 the avenue, gingerbread lane, barnet SG1 3BP?''

Or did he just say

''driving was a nightmare it would of been easier to pick you up from your house''?

ElephantsandTigers · 15/11/2017 12:50

This is so creepy. What are you going to do?

ShoesHaveSouls · 15/11/2017 12:56

It is creepy, but I know people who have abused their privilege at work.

I worked at a bank, and one of my colleagues and her Manager (!) looked up a guy's bank account. She had just started dating him, and wanted to see how much he earned - and she also found out he had lied about his age.

A woman there also got the sack for looking at her nephew's credit card statement - she made a comment in front of the family "you've been spending a lot on petrol recently!" He was furious, for reasons I won't go into here.

It's always made me wonder how many people do this.

It's unforgiveable IMO, OP you should dump him. At the very least.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 15/11/2017 12:56

If he’s done that it’s usually a very quick sacking!

SurlyValentine · 15/11/2017 13:00

Ah, just seen that you rent from a housing association. He will only have access to your rent account details and associated notes then - definitely not your HB claim records.

If your HB is paid directly to the housing association he would most likely be able to see HB being credited to your rent account, but if your HB is paid to you and you then pay your rent out of your bank account, he would have no way of knowing you were getting HB, unless there was something in your notes.

I'd still dump him though - he sounds very stalkerish and strange.

KurriKurri · 15/11/2017 13:00

I know I shouldn't of said I work full time instead of part time but he was judgemental about people claiming any sort of benefits

His judginess would make me dump him (let alone his creepiness)

SavageBeauty73 · 15/11/2017 13:00

It's none of his business whether you work part time.

He sounds weird.

Original poster
Kellyopio · 15/11/2017 13:00

He said it would have been easier to pick you up from (my street name) not number just street name

OP posts:
RedSkyAtNight · 15/11/2017 13:01

So you're not actually sure he could get the details from work, but have jumped to the conclusion he must have searched your details at work.

You may not have told him where you live, but can you be absolutely sure you have not mentioned even the vague area, or ever mentioned in passing that you live a few minutes walk from that really nice Italian, or mentioned particularly bad traffic on x road on the way from home to meet him.

What did he actually say "did he say - I should have picked you up from x area" (which doesn't indicate he knows you live there, just that it was easier to pick you up from). No one says in conversation "Oh, I should have picked you up from 123, The High Street" - if they know someone's address they say "I should have picked you up from home" - which they could have done without knowing where you lived!

I think you should split up because you obviously don't trust him. Whether you have any grounds not to, isn't clear to me.

ScoobyDoosTinklyLaugh · 15/11/2017 13:01

I'd dump him and seriously consider grassing him up to his employer.

It's dispicable to be a housing officer and judge people on benefits.

It would be great if he got the sack and had to claim benefits.

Travis1 · 15/11/2017 13:03

Either way I'd dump him OP, you shouldn't have to lie about your work because he judges people on benefits and I hate the fact that he'll be working with vulnerable people as a housing office with an attitude like that

SparklyMagpie · 15/11/2017 13:06

Id dump him

What are you going to do OP?

ZoellasAdventCallender · 15/11/2017 13:07

Fellow Housing Officer here. What he has done is very wrong, we are warned about data protection breaches constantly. You need to report as such a person should not be trusted with the sometimes highly sensitive information we deal with. We also deal with some very vulnerable people/families and I dread to think of the things that could go wrong.

Please report him, he shouldn't be allowed to get away with that. If he's done it to you, he's done it to others. Highly unprofessional!

Original poster
Kellyopio · 15/11/2017 13:07

I 100% didn't mention the area /or what it was near.
That's the only way he could know

OP posts:
PovertyPain · 15/11/2017 13:07

I would actually be careful about reporting him, unless you're quite a stong, confident person. He sounds like a judgmental, creepy prick, but I would worry about the fact he knows where I live and his reaction. Dump him and thank your lucky stars you've realised early on, what he's like.

kinkajoukid · 15/11/2017 13:08

He sounds awful, where as you sound lovely OP.

The first reason being is that you know that you have a very good reason for needing to receive benefits, but that he is judgemental, even though he should also know that people have very good reasons for needing benefits. He is a prize twat.

Him also getting hold of your address is waaaaay over the line. If you are convinced that you have not given him your address by any means, and he seemed to know specifics, I would challenge him about it and be prepared to report him to his employer (can't think of what excuse would let him off being reported)

It is an abuse of power and really dodgy.

ToffeeUp · 15/11/2017 13:09

Dump, he already makes you uncomfortable, he is not worth it.

Ribrabrob · 15/11/2017 13:12

It's creepy and odd, but to be honest after just 7 weeks I think you should just dump him and not give it another thought.

expatinscotland · 15/11/2017 13:13

Bin him. He's a judgemental and creepy fuckwit. That's reason enough. 'This isn't working for me. We're not really compatible so I need to move on. Best of luck.'

Then block and delete.

Original poster
Kellyopio · 15/11/2017 13:14

Im not going to continue seeing him as I wasn't that keen to start with and even less so now.

OP posts: