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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we cannot afford a second baby :(

191 replies

winkletwinkletoes · 14/11/2017 19:57

Currently feeling sad Sad

Really want another baby in the next year or so. Have a 5 1/2 year old.

We both work full time. Joint income
Of around £2600 after tax. Our bills equate to about £2000 due to just buying a first house with eye watering interest rate Envy

Realistically how can we afford another child if the childcare would be £500-£600 a month.

Got no family who can help... well not willing to help. Obviously long term we want a good quality of life and I can't see us being able to have both.

Can it be done or no??? Flowers

OP posts:
Battleax · 14/11/2017 20:38

I get so annoyed. I work with families who don't look after their children and have more disposable income than me. Makes no sense I hate this life. No point In working sometimes.

And there it is.

Why are you posting about your contempt for service users online?

missymousey · 14/11/2017 20:39

Do you have a spare room you could rent out or do airbnb to offset some of the mortgage cost?

Battleax · 14/11/2017 20:41

Secondly, I am being negative. But, for example I work with families who have kids left right and centre and don't care... why? Because they know they can claim benefits and that will be fine as they don't work.

Don't you think you should resign?

What a load of goad.

expatinscotland · 14/11/2017 20:41

'But, for example I work with families who have kids left right and centre and don't care... why? Because they know they can claim benefits and that will be fine as they don't work.

I feel pissed that I actually have to
Stop and think about doing so because I can't afford it because I am working and because I choose to want both a career and children. Some may say you can't have both but I want to try to.

And I bought a house because I want something to leave my kids. Why pay money into rented housing when I can buy my own house hmm and I don't want to live in a council house.

I came from a crappy upbringing and I always vowed to give my children better than what I had.'

And now those benefits are capped at two kids. And they don't have a house to leave their kids.

But since you're so pissed off about it all, why not jack in your job and go on benefits. It's the life of Riley, after all Hmm.

Witsender · 14/11/2017 20:41

Maybe they do have lots of kids. Though that said, I too work with similar families and don't know many who knock out child after child as benefits aren't all that. Many are on the bones of their arse due to universal credit and you don't get tax credits for more than 2 kids. So I'm not sure what all these benefits are?

You have made choices. Buying a house at the top of your budget for one. Husband taking a pay cut for another. This too will pass and you will be in a better more secure position than all those families you are so jealous of.

Original poster
winkletwinkletoes · 14/11/2017 20:44

No battleax not really.... cuz I am actually really good at my job. Funnily enough when you have children thanking you for stopping them being abused and getting them a better life I see it as rewarding.

Like most people though... I am allowed an opinion. I am there to empower the families to help them have a better life. However, I think it's wrong that people who have the I can't be arsed attitude get on better financially in life than those who go out to work. Grin

OP posts:
ReturnfromtheStars · 14/11/2017 20:44

Hi,

In my experience the biggest expenses include your mortgage, bills, food and transport. And childcare of course. Can you have a career break after maternity leave and do an evening job as people suggested? Sell the car and look at all your bills? You might also find another career path you enjoy more after a break.

From what you wrote your most important need might be to change jobs.

gingerh4ir · 14/11/2017 20:44

Secondly, I am being negative. But, for example I work with families who have kids left right and centre and don't care... why? Because they know they can claim benefits and that will be fine as they don't work.

sorry, but you sound like a right cow. just count your lucky stars that you are presumably healthy, able to work, have a very good income, afford a house and have a child.

what on earth is your problem? I have more than one child and don't work - I rely on the state as one of my DC is severely disabled. You are more than welcome to swap with me! you probably would not last a day!

tappitytaptap · 14/11/2017 20:45

Is he on a training contract OP? I did similar and after doing all my exams (ACA) my pay almost doubled in 3 years - is that a realistic prospect for your DP?

Phalenopsisgirl · 14/11/2017 20:45

You could do it but as you admit, lifestyle choices would have to be made. It is very rare these days to see old fashioned frugality. Cooking simple meals from scratch, wearing second hand, minimal gadgets, no fancy tv etc, living a simple old school life, it could be done.

ReturnfromtheStars · 14/11/2017 20:45

Oh sorry just saw your latest post that you actually like your job :D. That's good then.

BertieBotts · 14/11/2017 20:46

Your bills are 2000 but mortgage is only 800 of that? What is the other 1200 going on?

You don't have to say of course but if you are looking for genuine financial advice mners can pick apart a budget like no other Grin

Can't be that much on student loans as your individual income isn't hugely high - other debts perhaps?

I am just thinking 2,600 isn't bad after taxes, and 800 a month isn't a massive proportion of that for housing. It is less than a third, which is the maximum they recommend (a lot of families are forced to spend more than a third). As you are mortgaged on the house, it is secure so you won't be faced with unexpected moving costs.

I think you are in a better position than you think, and if you really want a second child, there is probably wiggle room there you're not seeing.

SandSnakeofDorne · 14/11/2017 20:46

You probably won't get promoted if people pick up on your contempt for service users.

With a mortgage of £800, you're spending £1200 on food and bills. Which suggests you're living quite a nice life. Whatever food you fancy at Sainsbury's, new contract phone every 18 months, Netflix and Amazon Prime. Do you think people on benefits can afford all of that?

Battleax · 14/11/2017 20:47

However, I think it's wrong that people who have the I can't be arsed attitude get on better financially in life than those who go out to work. grin

Excellent. Because they don't, do they? They have a shit, stressful time.

So all sorted then Grin

Phalenopsisgirl · 14/11/2017 20:48

So ginger basically the op pays for you to have kids whilst she can’t afford to because the system penalises those who support themselves and you call her a cow....nice

GardenGeek · 14/11/2017 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Witsender · 14/11/2017 20:52

You really don't seem to get the concept of 'getting on better'. 😂

Tbh we have an income of around that, a little more, and 3 kids. We are comfortable, mortgage of the same per month.

fullofhope03 · 14/11/2017 20:53

Placemarking - sorry Blush

Battleax · 14/11/2017 20:54

And I bought a house because I want something to leave my kids. Why pay money into rented housing when I can buy my own house hmm and I don't want to live in a council house.

You need to make up your mind whether you envy the assetless, food bank, social housing, desperately poor lifestyle.

Or not.

Witsender · 14/11/2017 20:54

Woah Phalenopsisgirl. That is a shitter of a thing to say to someone saving the state a shite load of money by being a carer to a disabled child.

Battleax · 14/11/2017 20:57

Woah Phalenopsisgirl. That is a shitter of a thing to say to someone saving the state a shite load of money by being a carer to a disabled child.

Hear hear.

GruffaloPants · 14/11/2017 20:58

Why are your bills other than mortgage £1200 per month? That seems very high. Have you shopped around?

PurpleCrazyHorse · 14/11/2017 20:59

I stopped working at the same time as falling pregnant with DS. Previously DH and I both worked full time but with me being at home, we immediately saved on childcare for DC1 (who was in Y1 and went to breakfast and afterschool club as well as some holiday childcare), I cooked simple homecooked meals (with extensive meal planning to reduce leftovers and waste) so we dramatically cut our food bills and we got rid of my car too. All other luxuries had to go too but we were able to live on DH's salary.

It was tough and required huge amounts of planning and keeping a close eye on our finances, but we did manage it for three years.

I have only just gone back to work and the equivalent of my salary goes on childcare and car costs. Luckily DH's salary has increased so we have been able to relax a little.

What do your figures look like if you didn't work?

gingerh4ir · 14/11/2017 20:59

phalen

She didn't pay me to have DC. I had DC whilst I was working in a well paid job (higher tax payer). I had to give up work due to caring for a severely disabled child and now rely on the state. it's not nice and pretty shit, I can assure you.

I have never begrudged those who were less lucky in life whilst I earned well and paid taxes which supported those in need. OP obviously does and she is a cow with this attitude.

flirtygirl · 14/11/2017 20:59

What bull phalenosisgirl

Ops comments about families on benefits with kids did make her a cow and where did ginger say she had kids on benefits.

She clearly said she is on benefits now caring for a disabled child, that does not mean she has never worked and paid into the system, or that her situation has always been like that as peoples situations do change you know, death, abuse, divorce, illness or oh yeah my child is born disabled.

Also it does mean that she is saving you and the op lots of tax money by caring for a disabled child rather than having the government pay in other ways.

Op go over your budget with £600 disposable income, you could have saved for the last couple of years ready for the maternity pay period etc, sounds like you dont truly want to make the sacrifices that you may need to do to have another baby.

Maybe its not as important as you thought it was.

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