AIBU to refuse my ex convict FIL a place to stay?

[Peachypop]

Am I being unreasonable to not want my ex convict father in law stay in my house?

Dp and I live in my 2 bed flat with our 2month old dd. DP's parents moved in 80s to Thailand to pursue business opportunities, it never worked out and my FIL was convicted of defrauding money. My MIL posted bail for him and he fled country and went into hiding for 16 years, occasionally contacting DP. He got back in touch about 18 months ago when he was convicted of possession of drugs on Thailand. He's a 70yr old man and he is soon to be released and deported back to UK. He doesn't have any family over here apart from DP (and another son from a previous relationship that he abandoned when he was a 10 month old). DP has told him that he couldn't help him as he has his own life and family now. However my MIL promised him thst he could stay in our flat for a 'couple of days' (that belongs to me) and that DP would find him a 1bed flat to stay that she would pay for (she is working as a teacher in Abu Dhabi).

The thing is, I find it offensive that she would offer up my property to house her convicted husband. I have never met this man, he's not been a father to my DP for the last 16 years and now that he needs help, she is expecting us to bail him. I have a tiny baby to look after and this is very stressful, not to mention the fact that I don't know what kind of illness he could carry coming out if Thai prison (TB etc.)

My MIL stayed with us when I was 9 months pregnant for 20 days without asking me in the summer and she's an alcoholic who would go out by herself to the pub every day to drink. She was supposed to stay in a hotel but instead she bought DP some suits for his new job. At that time, I was so stressed, working from home 9 months pregnant feeling a bit taken advantage. As a thank you for staying at my place she bought 3 suits for my DP, as if it was him she had to thank for.

Now, MIL is promising FIL that he can stay at my place without a clear plan where he would go after - he will need documents to rent a property that he doesn't have since he's not been in UK for 26years (bank statements, proof of earnings etc), we live in London so to rent a flat near us, she would need to pay at least 1k a month plus bills plus deposit so at least 7k. I'm worried she will back out if it when she finds out how much it would cost and we would be left with housing FIL.

I feel bad about not wanting to take in DP's 70 year old father but my 2 month old is my priority now and I feel like my MIL and FIL are irresponsible and expecting DP and I to sort them out.

No fucking way on earth would I agree to this. YANBU please stick to your guns!

Definitely say no!!!

She offered to buy us tickets but it turns out that she bought us tickets to dubai with a 2 hrs change over in Abu dhabi. I'm dreading it as dd will only be 3 months old and I'll have to very her off one plane to another, I will probably end up having to breastfeed her in the middle of the airport to calm her not to mention the fact that cabin pressure means putting her through two take offs and landings. I just know that dd will want me not her daddy so I will end up absolutely shattered after this! I feel bad about wasting those tickets but she booked them when I was pregnant and now that I have a baby I know that even going to a supermarket is stressful and we're talking travelling for over 13hrs!

YANBU!

Are you married? Because if not I definitely wouldn't be going to Dubai this Christmas.

No convicted drug dealers in my house, or whatever else he could have been getting up to. (I might just put up someone convicted of Fraud in the UK for a brief whie with steps taken first.)

Oh for goodness sake- it’s not book to get a direct flight from the UK!

At least if they were booked before DD arrived you can weedle out of it with how hard it is etc etc What does DH think?

hang on PeachyPop,
if you don't want to go , don't go!
as u say getting to the supermarket is hard enough with a small baby, let alone long haul flying.
How would ur partner react if you said you and the baby werent going?

Sorry, that should say not hard to book a direct flight

So don't go. Theres no need for any drama, just refuse to do it. They aren't being reasonable and you don't have to go along with it.
You're a parent now, that means you have to be able to make tough decisions and act on them.

Oh don’t be ridiculous, even travelling 13hrs with an infant to hang out with an alcoholic in Abu Dhabi.

If you go you will just be back on here posting about how fucking awful it was and what dreadful stunts your MIL pulled while you were out there. I can imagine it now (as can you).

Your DP needs to take a sachet if moral fibre, and stand up to her. Or I would be considering kicking him out, I really would.

I am totally against you going too. But I think it is only about an hour’s drive to Dubai - easier than waiting for a 2nd flight.

And say NO.

It's a hell NO from me!

We did non direct to Orlando and it was exhausting. Mine were 4 and 8 at the time so a newborn? Don't go.

Fuck this shit.

FIL can stay in a hotel.

Have Christmas at home.

Don’t let him into your home, you will then have to kick him out when he won’t leave. I have a druggie relation now in prison and we are NC, and this is the sort of stunt he would pull. FIL my have mega problems, no social security one assumes, he will probably end up in a shelter, do not take pity or he will be spongeing off you for ever.

Are you going to call her OP? You really do need to say no!

Why isn't MIL coming back to meet him and sort it out instead of leaving it all to you and DH?

It's cheeky

do you really want him to know where you live on his return to the uk?

If its only 2 days tell her to book him into a Travellodge!

My dd has been lots better but she's still very moody and considering she's been sick all over herself 6 times today including puking up all over me, I don't know how I'd cope with a long haul flight!

Do you have MIL’s email? You might find it easier to craft a ‘bog off’ email than phoning. Make it absolutely unequivocal. “Dear MIL, Dh has just told me that you have offered my home to FIL when he returns to the UK. I am absolutely astonished that you would make such a suggestion without running it past me first and it is absolutely out of the question. We will not be able to accommodate him - you and he will need to make other arrangements”.

With any luck she will be so angry that Christmas will be called off anyway. Win win!!

Btw, several posters have expressed the view that your FIL will be arrested on his arrival due to skipping bail - do you know anything about the position on this? Perhaps this whole thing is moot?

OP, you are still not telling us what your DH thinks of his mother's suggestion about his father staying. What is DH's opinion?

Tell her no halfway house. Find details of a flat and send them over. It's her issue then.

The thing is that it won’t just be 2 nights will it? Once he’s there it might be difficult to get him to leave. Where will he go? He doesn’t know anyone! Just say no. And don’t go to Abu Dhabi.

DP hates his dad for abandoning him and his mother but he feels like he owes his mum so he feels obliged, that being said he said that ultimately it's up to me. He told MIL that it's down to me as it's my flat and she told him that as a 'man in a house' he needs to tell me what to do.

Tbh he was quite shocked that she would suggest that being a 'man in a house' he would tell me what to do!

well i'd say no to fil staying. no negotiation on that. and if she's awful about it don't go on the holiday. say you don't feel comfortable or welcome. you don't HAVE to do these things.

He needs to grow a backbone, and fast. He’s a bloody father ffs, there are more important things in his life than his toxic mother