AIBU to refuse my ex convict FIL a place to stay?

[Peachypop]

Am I being unreasonable to not want my ex convict father in law stay in my house?

Dp and I live in my 2 bed flat with our 2month old dd. DP's parents moved in 80s to Thailand to pursue business opportunities, it never worked out and my FIL was convicted of defrauding money. My MIL posted bail for him and he fled country and went into hiding for 16 years, occasionally contacting DP. He got back in touch about 18 months ago when he was convicted of possession of drugs on Thailand. He's a 70yr old man and he is soon to be released and deported back to UK. He doesn't have any family over here apart from DP (and another son from a previous relationship that he abandoned when he was a 10 month old). DP has told him that he couldn't help him as he has his own life and family now. However my MIL promised him thst he could stay in our flat for a 'couple of days' (that belongs to me) and that DP would find him a 1bed flat to stay that she would pay for (she is working as a teacher in Abu Dhabi).

The thing is, I find it offensive that she would offer up my property to house her convicted husband. I have never met this man, he's not been a father to my DP for the last 16 years and now that he needs help, she is expecting us to bail him. I have a tiny baby to look after and this is very stressful, not to mention the fact that I don't know what kind of illness he could carry coming out if Thai prison (TB etc.)

My MIL stayed with us when I was 9 months pregnant for 20 days without asking me in the summer and she's an alcoholic who would go out by herself to the pub every day to drink. She was supposed to stay in a hotel but instead she bought DP some suits for his new job. At that time, I was so stressed, working from home 9 months pregnant feeling a bit taken advantage. As a thank you for staying at my place she bought 3 suits for my DP, as if it was him she had to thank for.

Now, MIL is promising FIL that he can stay at my place without a clear plan where he would go after - he will need documents to rent a property that he doesn't have since he's not been in UK for 26years (bank statements, proof of earnings etc), we live in London so to rent a flat near us, she would need to pay at least 1k a month plus bills plus deposit so at least 7k. I'm worried she will back out if it when she finds out how much it would cost and we would be left with housing FIL.

I feel bad about not wanting to take in DP's 70 year old father but my 2 month old is my priority now and I feel like my MIL and FIL are irresponsible and expecting DP and I to sort them out.

Just say no if you don't want to

Sounds as though your DP is copping out of standing up to his mother, and wants to blame it all on you - "She won't let him stay, and it's her flat, so her decision". That definitely will end up with you not travelling out to see her (as she'll fall out with you), so maybe let him carry on

Was reading your post and remembered your previous MIL problems. I know it's trite but your DH is the problem. He really needs to have your back. Why cannot he not say "no" to his DM? He really has to stop laying it at your door

Seriously you need to start telling these people what YOU want.

NO to random convicts your DH happened to be related to staying with you.

And a equally resounding NO to travelling for 13 hours with a 3 month old to spend two weeks in a boiling hot country with an utter misogynistic bitch of a MIL.

You can also experience problems in these sort of countries if you are not married - it’s not Europe!

Fuck no!!

Your in laws sound like an absolute nightmare. Even if there was room in the flat, he doesn't sound like someone id want around my child. There's no room at the flat though so it's moot point anyway.

I'd be telling MIL politely but firmly that she had no right to offer your flat without your prior consent and that for those two reasons, he cannot stay.

Fraud is not an 'activity ' that suggests he is actually dangerous in a personal way. Anyone remember some MPs fiddling expenses? (Allegedly)
Possession of drugs in many countries carries a death sentence and there may be an element of truth in that he MIGHT have been 'stitched up'. It may be the amount he had would simply get you a 'slapped wrist' in the UK.
If FIL has 'done the time' then he SHOULD be considered 'safe' although there would always be suspicion surrounding him.
Having him stay with you is probably not a good idea but everyone needs a break.

Seriously, put your foot down and tell mil that he'll will have to freeze over before you agree to any of her demands! How dare she!
If it's only for a couple of days he can stay in a b&b!

he was in Thailand. It wasn't a bit of weed was it?
I wouldn't want him in the house with the HV still coming round, frankly.

Travelodge, premier inn. Baby's got bad ears. Can't fly. You come here

She offered to buy us tickets but it turns out that she bought us tickets to dubai with a 2 hrs change over in Abu dhabi.

Whe's already trying to make this a miserable experience for you. I deffo wouldn't go.

God I thought my in laws bad! Wtf type of family have you married into?

Shame that your dd passport won't be here in time isn't it?

Was he convicted of fraud in the uk or in Thailand?

FIL may sneak into your flat when you are away at Christmas, using a set of keys your DP has sent him......

This is meant in a kindly and supportive way, but you have got to stop shilly -shallying around with this shower and start putting your baby and yourself first.

No to FIL staying in your home.

No to Dubai at Christmas.

These people are not the boss of you.

OP, sorry, I know it's not the done thing but I read your other thread, the one where your MIL was told not to come to stay, but did, and ruined the latter days of your pregnancy by smoking and drinking and causing you stress.

Your DP is a major factor in all this. You've only been together, what, eighteen months, and in that time his mother has given you endless headaches that he's only partly tried to defuse. He can't say no to her, and she rides roughshod over him. And now he's got a homeless ex-con father? I would be prepared, as an absolute last resort, to kick them all out if needs be. That's how serious you need to be about protecting your daughter and yourself from this unholy mess.

He was convicted of fraud in Thailand (he ran a ponzo scheme using investment fund worth apparantely $25m). He's now in prison under false identity (using his dead brother's identity - he had his old passport that now expired). I know, it sounds like a film script but even in his letters he signs off as my DP's uncle. If they knew on Thailand that he's not so they think it is he'd have to serve his original sentence! Is this still a crime in UK that he stole his brothers identity? I do wonder whether uk foreign office realise that he's not so he says he is!

Just report him OP. Problem sloved.

@Sheffieldstealer I constantly think about how much of a future this relationship has with MIL and FIL like this. But I'm so scared of being a single mum. I feel like I don't have anyone to support me

Sloved? SOLVED

Think I’d bloody tell them, problem solved !

Call her or email her and tell her categorically the answer is NO and just don’t let him in. Don’t open the door to him, you have no obligation to allow this man into your home and if your DP has a problem with it then he can go and find a flat for him AND his dad!
Please tell me you are saying no!!!!

Nope nope and hell nope! Tell her no him no he seems to allow women to walk all over him see if he likes it when you do

Op your in a strong position here the home is yours you won't be moving he would be and even if you ended up a single parent it's not the end of the world I've done it twice once with one chips once with three not easy I grant you but it's doable