AIBU to refuse my ex convict FIL a place to stay?

[Peachypop]

Am I being unreasonable to not want my ex convict father in law stay in my house?

Dp and I live in my 2 bed flat with our 2month old dd. DP's parents moved in 80s to Thailand to pursue business opportunities, it never worked out and my FIL was convicted of defrauding money. My MIL posted bail for him and he fled country and went into hiding for 16 years, occasionally contacting DP. He got back in touch about 18 months ago when he was convicted of possession of drugs on Thailand. He's a 70yr old man and he is soon to be released and deported back to UK. He doesn't have any family over here apart from DP (and another son from a previous relationship that he abandoned when he was a 10 month old). DP has told him that he couldn't help him as he has his own life and family now. However my MIL promised him thst he could stay in our flat for a 'couple of days' (that belongs to me) and that DP would find him a 1bed flat to stay that she would pay for (she is working as a teacher in Abu Dhabi).

The thing is, I find it offensive that she would offer up my property to house her convicted husband. I have never met this man, he's not been a father to my DP for the last 16 years and now that he needs help, she is expecting us to bail him. I have a tiny baby to look after and this is very stressful, not to mention the fact that I don't know what kind of illness he could carry coming out if Thai prison (TB etc.)

My MIL stayed with us when I was 9 months pregnant for 20 days without asking me in the summer and she's an alcoholic who would go out by herself to the pub every day to drink. She was supposed to stay in a hotel but instead she bought DP some suits for his new job. At that time, I was so stressed, working from home 9 months pregnant feeling a bit taken advantage. As a thank you for staying at my place she bought 3 suits for my DP, as if it was him she had to thank for.

Now, MIL is promising FIL that he can stay at my place without a clear plan where he would go after - he will need documents to rent a property that he doesn't have since he's not been in UK for 26years (bank statements, proof of earnings etc), we live in London so to rent a flat near us, she would need to pay at least 1k a month plus bills plus deposit so at least 7k. I'm worried she will back out if it when she finds out how much it would cost and we would be left with housing FIL.

I feel bad about not wanting to take in DP's 70 year old father but my 2 month old is my priority now and I feel like my MIL and FIL are irresponsible and expecting DP and I to sort them out.

Yep, 2 days, my arse! I'd pick up that phone and tell her NO clearly. And for your wussy partner, who said nothing whilst his mother took advantage of your hospitality when you were pregnant, tell him if his father tries to get in there, they can both leave because yes, SS will be on you.

Do NOT sort anything - hotel recommendations, charities, links for housing.

Don't even go there.

I've posted here before about my MIL. I just try to be nice but I feel very much taken advantage of. I know my mum and sister both stayed in my place. But the difference is that, this time my MIL is deciding for me and offering up my flat as accommodation. Also, he is a convicted criminal and a very dodgy person. He keeps saying he was stitched up and he's innocent and my MIL believes him. I don't want anything to do with it.

She's bought us tickets to go to dubai for Xmas for 2 weeks so she can meet her granddaughter and if I say no to FIL staying the whole trip will be a nightmare. I'm tempted to say that dd and I don't go.

DEFINITELY don’t go- you’ll have an absolutely shit time. You won’t get this first Christmas with dd back.

Then you wil have to just take a deep breath and email her with the word no to fil staying and then no to xmas holiday
Stay at home and have a lovely cosy xmas just the three of you
If you do it now then inform your dh that you have replied then it's done
Any fall out you will have to be strong and not open emails or texts and even ask your dh not to tell you anything they say
Go nc and if your dh can't then see if he can go low contact
Good luck

And if you go away for Christmas, FIL may as well stay on at flat sit for you while you are away... I can see it coming a mile off!!!

She’s bought you the tickets so that she can put pressure on you to let him stay over Christmas/until you’re back from visiting her.

18 months seems a very light sentence for drug posession in Thailand ? Has it been officially confirmed he’s being released ?

You have to say absolutely and categorically no. Not even for a second. If he turns up anyway call the police.

@dillydilly this is all I'm bring told, he's counting on bring pardoned from prison because Thai kings death they pardon prisoners. Honestly, I have no clue, this whole thing sounds so dodgy but the way they talk about it is like it's a done deal!

Absolutely not!

Don't go to Dubai unless it's on your own terms.
Don't let FiL stay with you on his release and deportation back to the UK.
Not your business. As someone else has posted on a different thread "Not your circus, not your monkeys".

I find these threads fascinating (I dont mean that in a nasty way - I know this is someones life) in what world does your MIL think she can offer up someone elses house? Do people like this really exist.

If it's your house, surely just say no and that's the end of it. You are in no way being U and if your DP doesnt like it, he can leave too. Your priority is obviously your own child/family.

Best of luck.

What’s your DH’s take on the situation?
Have you firmly told MIL that FIL can’t stay at yours?

Do people like this really exist?
hell yes. I could tell some tales about cheeky fucker inlaws (outlaws) and my flat in London...

You'll be doing him a better deed by refusing to allow him to stay. If he arrived and he is homeless he might be entitled to help with housing but once he is staying with you that all becomes much less likely.

@expatinscotland I couldn't say anything about homebrew in Saudi. There are absolutely not pallets and pallets of 1l resealable bottles in Ikea, or 1kg bags of yeast in the supermarkets here in Saudi....

I would definitely refuse!

If your dp wants to help he could find out where the appropriate housing office is.

I wouldn't touch this. I'd be calling her and telling her no way, and while you're at it she was out of order pitching up when you were 9months pregnant and if she ever pulls a stunt like that again she'll find herself being put outside by you.
I'd then follow it up with an email stating all of above so she has it rammed home.

Oh and not a chance would I be visiting over Christmas. That's just asking for trouble imo. You need to pull dp up on what you overheard too.

'I couldn't say anything about homebrew in Saudi. There are absolutely not pallets and pallets of 1l resealable bottles in Ikea, or 1kg bags of yeast in the supermarkets here in Saudi....'

People are somehow still making it. We have some friends who are there now. You don't need to make massive amounts of it, though .

Just go no contact with the pair of them...

I wouldn't go to Abu, either. Were you even asked if you wanted to go? She sort of runs your lives, doesn't she?

And it's a "No" from me!

MIL is a CF, offering up YOUR home to her jailbird ex.

No fucking way!

No fucking way.

Newsflash for MIL: you don't get to offer up houses that don't belong to you.

'There is no room and I am unable to host with a new baby. It will be noisy and no comfort for FIL, therefore MIL can pay for a B&B/holiday cottage.'

End of.

DON'T GO TO DUBAI. My god, no. Apart from this angle, it will be an absolutely shit first Christmas with your baby with a using, entitled alcoholic in a place far from home. Just no.

And...fgs don't accept tickets from her.