I should state from the outset that I am not married nor do I wish to be. I am financially independent of my partner and don't need the legal security of it- I appreciate that this is not true of all (or indeed even most) women so for that reason alone I am not 'anti-marriage'. It's just not for me, I don't need or want it. I think it's fine for others to desire it if their circumstances suit.
However, there is so much about marriage and weddings that still reeks of the patriarchy and makes me want to be sick in my mouth (the bride being 'given away' for a start). Top of my absolute shit list, however, is this notion that women ought to sit around meekly until the Man Of The House deigns to give her a "proposal".
Seriously, FUCK THAT unless you're still twelve. I can't personally can't think of anything worse.
If people are in a long term relationship and live together, have kids together, and know that they both value marriage as a matter of principle, then they surely just discuss it like any other decision, like whether to get a new kitchen - darling, you know we discussed how we both value marriage? Shall we get around to doing that soon do you think? Yes dear, that sounds lovely. Shall we pencil something in for next year for during the school holidays?
BAM. done. easy.
I just don't get this big male-centric proposal thing- obviously if both parties are into it and it feels good, that's lovely. But it's not a prerequisite for a wedding, let alone a MARRIAGE.
But I will never understand people who are willing to throw away what (presumably) was a good relationship over something as daft as a "tradition" that it is completely irrelevant these days (in that women aren't now generally bought and sold as between their fathers and their husbands , in western culture at least). FGS if it's that important to you, ask him yourself!!
updates spreadsheet of stuff she will never bloody understand