To think some people really don’t understand what an introvert is

[Glassfrog]

I was travelling with some colleagues recently and we were talking about socialising outside of work. I remarked that I’m quite introverted, that I prefer to spend time with people one-on-one, and although I enjoy it to a point, I find it tiring and need a lot of time to myself as well. I added that I don’t really enjoy socialising in large groups at all.

One of my colleagues replied that it was fine to only have one or two friends (meaning me). I’ve actually got quite a lot of very close friends! They’re just not friends with each other and I spend time with them individually.

I took it from her comment that she assumes that introverts are loners with no or few friends - is that a very commonly-held view?

The minute I stopped obsessing about myself and turned my attention to other people, the more enjoyable life became.

Who defined introversion as “self obsessed”?

Badum - we absolutely do not need more awareness of introvertism - I think introverts have enough attention trained on themselves as it is.

That's entirely your opinion, but as someone who was constantly told growing up that being a quieter, more introspective person was a bad thing, and endlessly pressured throughout my childhood and early adulthood into being more outgoing and loud, I respectfully disagree. Most introverts have spent their lives and formative years being told their personality is flawed and not good enough, or that they are “weird” for not wanting to constantly socialise. I, for one, am very happy that this shift is occurring on such a wide scale. Hopefully our children won’t have to go through being told they are intrinsically flawed or not good enough because they prefer reading to loud games, or working on their own to working in groups.

Haven't rtft. Who says there is even such thing as a 'legitimate personality type'? People like to put themselves and others in boxes and to do silly personality quizzes on the internet. Pop psychologists and bloggers like to do it too, because it sells books and gets clicks. Everybody is different. How much you like company is on a sliding scale like all preferences. Introvertedness is not a disease that you either have or don't have.
I used to like to be around people all the time. Now I really prefer spending plenty of time on my own. I haven't become a different 'personality type'. I simply don't feel the need to socialise much any more (pretty normal as you get older) and 20 years of teaching in noisy classrooms have made me appreciate and seek out peace and quiet. It doesn't make me special or mean that I expect to be treated in a certain way. I wouldn't label myself an introvert, but one of those personality quizzes probably would.

I must say I liked that thoughtcatalog post from Aquitania (might have been better if you'd just linked it though as it does come off as an attack on the OP, who is entitled to start a thread about introversion if she wants to. Hang on, I need to get this splinter out my bum now...

The whole "I'm an introvert and smalltalk tires me" thing kind of reminds me of certain happily childless friends of mine who would say "I don't do small kids, I don't really know what to do with them until they're old enough to talk and play lego" as if they'd just told me something different and special and weird about themselves. And I'd be like (to myself) dude, nobody enjoys trying to reason with a 2yo. The old "point and cry" method of telling you what they want for their breakfast. The way that you can buy a 6 pack of socks from Mothercare that are identical in fit and method of manufacture, but when they eventually outgrow those socks you'll be putting 5 pairs unworn into the Red Cross bag because they "felt funny" and the last pair they'll still be wearing because that's their favourite even though now the heel is halfway down their foot; the way they wake you in the night to go to the toilet, or even worse don't wake you until they've tried for 10 minutes to sort it themselves and the toilet now looks like a Glastonbury portaloo... I mean, it's the definition of difficult, right? Mumsnet's full of people posting threads about "I've got 2 under 3 and I think I'm having a nervous breakdown" and everyone going "stay strong" and telling them it'll pass and stuff. And my childless friends are like "I find toddlers quite difficult, don't know what's wrong with me, I guess I must just be a bit odd and special like that".

Also I don't mind big crowds and I'm also quite funny and chatty and have inadvertently given people the impression that I'm chatting them up before, but at the same time I can't really be fucked with social occasions if I can avoid them, and I don't have many friends. So I don't know what the hell I am. Nutter

Toomuch: Yes it's all part of that vast swathe of things that comprise normal life experience which doesn't mean everyone is identical or that there is a malign attempt to erase the experiences of the individual we are talking to.

Op has lots of friends. Someone interpreted her self labelling as an introvert to mean she had maybe fewer than the average number. Op takes offence..

For me the problem here occurs at the offence taking tbh.

I think I'm both or neither. Amphi-vert? Ambi-vert? Nobody ever told me they are an introvert or extrovert in RL, so I never had to react to such an announcement. Fretting about it is an online phenomenon.

Hrft but really agree with @aquitana on first page.
Introvert has absolutely become 'but I'm the only gay in the village'
And the list of activities introverts are unable to do because they're introverted are things everyone hates doing but just gets on with it.

Reading this I am an introvert I’m pretty sure, I never speak out really in groups. I wish I was more extrovert though.

You're confusing being shy or reserved with being introvert.

I'm more introvert than extrovert, but have no problems speaking in large groups.
I just need to be away from the groups to rest and recharge. Sometimes more, sometimes less time.

Who defined introversion as “self obsessed?

Well I know that's not the real definition, but bloody hell I can see why that's what people are starting to think. I hid them all from my feed ages ago but if I do come across one more post about the special misunderstood introverts who alone walk the noble path of enjoying solitary walks and being an insufferably rude and pretentious twat, I'm going to start screaming.

The words decompress and breathe are starting to be overused too. I breathe all the time. If I don't I tend to go a bit funny. I'm strange like that.

My sister's an introvert, no way would she spend time telling a group of her colleagues how she felt about socialising, or anything really. She doesn't like attention and is definitely a listener. I agree with @aquitania, I think genuine introverts don't draw attention to it.

I’ve just realised why I don’t really understand all this complaint about introversion. It really does seem to have passed me by. I don’t do Facebook. Bliss. It really does seem to attract bandwagon jumpers.

I think genuine introverts don't draw attention to it.

Still not the definition of introvert.

I've said a few times in here that constantly telling everyone you know about your introversion didn't strike me as a very introverted thing to do, but I got a lot of responses accusing me of being a brash, shallow extrovert who is incapable of deep thought and has lots of Facebook friends. I see someone on an early page levelled the same insult at Aquitana...'You cow, I bet you've got lots of connections on Facebook too, you evil scumbag of a human being' type thing.

I don't know if I'm extrovert or introvert (bit of both, I think) but bloody hell, interactions with these people are what I really find draining.

There seems to be so many knowledgeable people on this thread, who aren’t actually introverts. I do bow to your superior knowledge —not—

And telling people they wouldn’t be talking about something. Do you apply that to any other personality characteristic?

I agree Power.

If this post had, hypothetically, been about extroverts, I might have read it, but in no way would I come on and tear into anyone identifying with that aspect as a part of their personality. Simply because I'm not one (an extrovert) so know fuck all about it.

No quid pro quo.

I would say I am an introvert and shy. People automatically assume I am single and that I don't go out much or have many friends.

I always feel inferior to extroverted people and probably come across as a bit of an oddball but this is me.

Do you apply that to any other personality characteristic?

Well yes, if it's relevant. So if someone tells me they are drained by human interaction and like nothing more than being alone and uncommunicative, yes, I'll wonder why they want to start conversations with me every day on the same tired subject. Especially if even responding to a wedding RSVP is a chore.

I'm not saying introverts don't exist. I'm saying I'm rather dubious of a certain type of person who claims they are, over and over and over again. Because they don't like certain aspects of modern life that everyone finds annoying.

magpie So we can gain energy from sources other than food. You carry on thinking that then. Woo bollocks as I said.

If people just accepted who they are, warts and all, without the need for constant labelling; and were at ease in their skin, then all this constant need to stick yourself in a box might cease. I have a 22 year old ds who wants to label himself at times and it drives me batshit. Just be you.

It is amazing how many people have studied human personality theories in depth.

They can't just have read any old codswallop on the internet and watched a TED talk and thought- oh that sounds like me! Or perhaps they have and it's a bit like horoscopes for most people.

scary, what exactly didn’t you understand from my perfectly straightforward explanatory posts?

Here I give an example:

Not so controversial. For example, if someone is helpful to you, they expend their energy helping you. You are receipt of their efforts and do not have to expend as much energy on whatever they have helped you with. It does not have to be physical effort either, they could have helped you solve a problem, that, otherwise, you would have expended a lot of mental effort attempting to solve. So we can gain energy from sources other than food.

That's quite tricky. I think I need a meme and a cartoon to absorb that magpie