To think some people really don’t understand what an introvert is

[Glassfrog]

I was travelling with some colleagues recently and we were talking about socialising outside of work. I remarked that I’m quite introverted, that I prefer to spend time with people one-on-one, and although I enjoy it to a point, I find it tiring and need a lot of time to myself as well. I added that I don’t really enjoy socialising in large groups at all.

One of my colleagues replied that it was fine to only have one or two friends (meaning me). I’ve actually got quite a lot of very close friends! They’re just not friends with each other and I spend time with them individually.

I took it from her comment that she assumes that introverts are loners with no or few friends - is that a very commonly-held view?

It’s a legitimate personality type. I’m probably introverted myself (I like big groups, but mostly so that I feel like I have friends but don’t have to directly interact with anyone and can get all of my socialising over in one go... does that make me an introvert, or a very antisocial extrovert?).

The problem is the people who insist that true introversion (the type that only they have) is super-rare (and not 50% of the population) and that they are therefore delicate precious little souls who can’t cope with ringing their Mum occasionally, replying to wedding invites, making smalltalk with colleagues in the lift, or any of the other small graces that make life run a little bit smoother. They are too busy thinking deep, important thoughts about what to have for tea. Lumpen Neanderthal extroverts can do all the social wifework, since that’s all they’re good for.

There’s a lot of crossover between wifework/emotional labour, and things that introverts Just Can’t Do. These internet introverts are almost all men, unsurprisingly. Their introversion seems to very conveniently kick in whenever they don’t fancy doing something.

I would seriously love nothing more than never to have to have to talk about introverts and their specialness ever again, tbh. But introverts do insist on constantly wanting to "educate" me on it. This thread title, for instance.

INFJ?

MBTI?

INFP?

I have no idea 'WTF' you're all saying

Sashkin

I doubt that faking Aspergers is a "thing." Anyway, is it not called ASD now?

"I would seriously love nothing more than never to have to have to talk about introverts and their specialness ever again, tbh"

Don't then. You barged your way onto this thread with your copy and paste bollocks you've probably had up your sleeve just dying to bring out to share your big opinion on.
slow clap

Pimms that’s interesting.

I had no idea that my OP would elicit such a strange response from some people! I certainly wasn’t trying to make myself sound more interesting or asking for sympathy/greater understanding from anyone. I was just interested to see if lots of people assumed introverts have no friends.

I'm not sure about the "I'm An Introvert" numerous declarations there seem to be. As soon as I read that I immediately think "No, you're not. You just want the 'I'm SO different' Badge Of Honour"

I only know 2 people I'd say really are introverts. They don't bang on about it or take any opportunity to declare it. They just keep themselves to themselves

WorraLiberty Apologies. MBTI means Myers Briggs Type Inventory which is a personality test. INFJ and INFP are personality types as classified by the MBTI.

How've I barged my way on? The thread is directed at people like me, isn't it? As presumably introverts understand what the friendship situation is for introverts.

Well if you already know the very mention of the word fucks you off to that extent Aquatania you could always consider not wading into a thread where it's actually right there in the title. Plenty of stuff on MN I find boring or irritating but I'm free to ignore and go to one of the many, many other threads rather than derail .

MistressDeeCee I do think some people label themselves introverts because they cannot cope with phone conversations, parties, talking to strangers etc. But that is shyness or social anxiety. Not introversion.

Goady AF.

But I guess people would rather say they are "Introverts" than admit they are shy or maybe even suffering from a degree of social anxiety. Because MH issues or shyness just aren't "sexy".

This is hilarious.

People getting offended over somebody calling out snowflake tendencies. Vicious circle!

i'm with the antis - there's something very smug about it all.yawn.

I'm not making a judgement about how many friends you've got Peipeiping. I couldn't care less if you have a couple or a couple of hundred. I'm addressing the insatiable need for some self declared introverts to constantly bang on about it and plead for understanding of their special introverted natures.

I think op you'd be better served by just saying you don't like hanging out in big groups. A lot of people have aspects of their personality that trend towards introversion. To make a special point of being an introvert when chatting with people you don't know can lead to misunderstanding as in your post.

Can'tSleepClownsWillEatMe Maybe the OP should have put a trigger warning on the thread fro people like Aquitania LOL

What would you like to talk about instead Aquitania?

Oh right, thank you Pimms

I had no idea all of this was such a 'thing' if that makes sense? I suppose it's just passed me by.

I don't think I've ever looked at anyone and classed them as an introvert or an extrovert. The thought has just never occurred to me.

Having said that, I can think of people who are more 'outgoing' than others, so in my own way, I suppose I have put them in a little mental box, just without the label.

Well you certainly ARE making judgements @Aquitania And you're being very rude.

Pimms I agree - I’m not shy or anxious in social situations, I just find being with other people, even my very best friends, draining (although I enjoy it and look forward to it) and need at least as long again (usually longer) to feel like spending time with people again. I don’t think this makes me special or interesting and I don’t feel the need to go around telling people in real life that I’m introverted. If there are lots of articles etc online aimed at explaining what introversion is, perhaps it’s because a lot of people have been made to feel that they’re lacking in some way compared to very sociable types? I know my mum was always nagging me to go and find people to play with when I was a kid, when I would have preferred to play on my own sometimes, and I used to feel a bit crap and inadequate about it. It wasn’t until I was older that I realised that it was ok to not want to be around others constantly and that it didn’t make me weird.

Glassfrog if you’ve never seen it, I can understand why you’re confused by all the aggression. But it’s like popping up on a feminism thread to say “not all men are like that”. No they aren’t, but it’s enough of a cliche now that lots of people will have a knee-jerk response to it!

Google “introvert myths” or “misunderstood introvert” and you will get pages of dodgy pop psychology pandering to the idea that introverts are all misunderstood geniuses languishing in a world of insensitive extrovert clods incapable of appreciating them. It’s really fucking irritating, regardless of whether you are an introvert or an extrovert.

Lol at a trigger warning for Aquitania