To think some people really don’t understand what an introvert is

[Glassfrog]

I was travelling with some colleagues recently and we were talking about socialising outside of work. I remarked that I’m quite introverted, that I prefer to spend time with people one-on-one, and although I enjoy it to a point, I find it tiring and need a lot of time to myself as well. I added that I don’t really enjoy socialising in large groups at all.

One of my colleagues replied that it was fine to only have one or two friends (meaning me). I’ve actually got quite a lot of very close friends! They’re just not friends with each other and I spend time with them individually.

I took it from her comment that she assumes that introverts are loners with no or few friends - is that a very commonly-held view?

And why, exactly, do you consider my explanation ‘woo’, scary?

That's quite tricky. I think I need a meme and a cartoon to absorb that magpie

Really? You’ve got to be kidding.

I am kidding, sorry.

Don’t be sorry, upper. I saw that after I posted. Duh!

scary I think part of why people label themselves is because saying I'd rather stay at home by myself is usually met with come on out, it'll do you good, you spend too much time alone, why don't you want to go?, etc. It may be easier to say you're introverted than trying to come up with excuses to get out of things constantly.

As with everything else people need to take no for an answer!

I have a job to do. Say, I have to cut 100 metres of tricky garden hedge. And say, for sake of argument, that I will burn 800 calories doing it. Say, also, that I find hedge cutting stressful and miserable and I hate doing it.

My friend offers to help me. We do half each, so we burn 400 calories each, doing half the work, and we have a laugh doing it, releasing all kinds of endorphins.

There is nothing at all woo about this scenario, but I have gained energy from a source other than food.

Equally, I might be fortunate enough to be able to pay someone else to cut the hedge, in which case I'd be outsourcing the whole energy demand of the job to someone else, in exchange for cash.

I think that DD may be an introvert whilst having loads of friends. She comes in from school and hides in her room to shut the world out. Does that make sense?

I think she's shutting you out Evil

Seriously though she probably needs a bit of time to process her day and recharge herself. Does she re-emerge during the evening?

Only for supper.

I think that's normal teenage behaviour. She'll be on her phone.

I think some degree of introversion is normal. It is a positive thing to be happy and content spending some time alone.

I think saying "I'm an introvert" just makes people feel excited or happy or vindicated by the idea of belonging to a special group of people with a particular preference about social interaction. It probably feels a whole lot more interesting and important than just saying "I prefer to spend time on my own and don't like crowds".

But you could do that about anything and call it a 'genuine personality type'. I am fairly cautious and am not drawn to dangerous or adventurous activities. No doubt there are online quizzes for me to find out how risk-averse or adventurous I am. Who cares? There is no need for me to announce "I'm a risk avoider". I just privately choose not to go bungee jumping or own a motorbike. Just as an 'introvert' can choose to stay at home and not go to a party (like lots of pretty normal people might).

Aquitaina that is brilliant. It perfectly sums up how how I feel about the whole introversion nonsense.

Also, guess what? We extroverts find stuff difficult too, and all the more so because we're doing a lot of the social and emotional labour for the introverts.

I think it is Facebook culture that encourages all this announcement of self. As I said before, I didn’t really get the irritation but then I wouldn’t not seeing the circulation of copious memes. The posts on here concerning introversion, I have found interesting. It was always treated as a bit of a flaw when I was younger. I think schools are likely culprits as it is not very easy to assess someone who doesn’t normally assert themselves in group situations or have lots of extra curricular social activities to boost career prospects.

We extroverts find stuff difficult too, and all the more so because we're doing a lot of the social and emotional labour for the introverts.

Not necessarily. An introvert could be a pretty self sufficient person who enjoys frequent solitude. You don’t have to do anything about that. Just leave them too it.

I am an introvert and whilst I do have friends, I would agree that I have less compared to some due to not wanting to go out much or in large groups!

Also, guess what? We extroverts find stuff difficult too, and all the more so because we're doing a lot of the social and emotional labour for the introverts.

This is just bollocks though. It's not that introverts 'find stuff difficult'. An introvert will often have sleepless nights over future social interactions, be sick with anxiety, suffer from stress related sysmptoms. It's not just 'I can't be bothered with small talk now', it's staying awake all night with the prospect of having to be in a large group. We still do it but it's often debilitating thinking about it.

Sometimes people need to label themselves to understand themselves and get in with life. I understand that's difficult to grasp if you're not naturally that kind of person though.
I had to be diagnosed autistic before I could even start to understand myself and forgive myself for perceived failures. Without my diagnosis and accepting being an introvert I would still be thinking of myself as a massive, annoying failure.
For some people self reflection, or navel gazing, or whatever you want to call it, is essential, for others it's not.
Not everyone is the same.

This is just bollocks though. It's not that introverts 'find stuff difficult'. An introvert will often have sleepless nights over future social interactions, be sick with anxiety, suffer from stress related sysmptoms

Surely that is a diagnosable anxiety disorder, a medically recognised mental health problem, though. Not just being an introvert.

Yes, but CloudPerson, surely there is a big difference between a diagnosis of autism and a word that simply describes the preferences or social habits of people with a particular tendency or personality trait.

An introvert will often have sleepless nights over future social interactions, be sick with anxiety, suffer from stress related sysmptoms

So will an extrovert who has social anxiety. Being an introvert is not the same thing

😂 Jane

That sounds more like anxiety problems than anything else

No. It's quite typical for introverts.

Until a year or so ago I though I was an introvert and that was it, yes there was other stuff, but as people are so fond of telling anyone with anything (like autism, depression, anxiety, CFS etc) "everyone feels like that" so it muddies the issue and neatly dismisses people's concerns.

Autism is underdiagnosed, it's very possible that those who are introverts to the point of needing to recover after socialising are on the spectrum but don't know it. I can identify with the poster who has sleepless nights with the anxiety of an upcoming event, I have always put this down to being an introvert or just being a rubbish person who doesn't cope with life as well as others. . A few years ago I would never have thought I would be diagnosed with autism.
As this thread shows, it's quite common to dismiss people as trying to label themselves and attention seeking, when actually some of us really struggle and need answers and the self understanding that that brings.