To think some people really don’t understand what an introvert is

[Glassfrog]

I was travelling with some colleagues recently and we were talking about socialising outside of work. I remarked that I’m quite introverted, that I prefer to spend time with people one-on-one, and although I enjoy it to a point, I find it tiring and need a lot of time to myself as well. I added that I don’t really enjoy socialising in large groups at all.

One of my colleagues replied that it was fine to only have one or two friends (meaning me). I’ve actually got quite a lot of very close friends! They’re just not friends with each other and I spend time with them individually.

I took it from her comment that she assumes that introverts are loners with no or few friends - is that a very commonly-held view?

I see this as overthinking, OP. The definition of an introvert as defined by your work colleague or anyone else does not matter really in the great scheme of things. Extrovert / introvert is a daft concept.

I'm an introvert, so I need lots of time alone to recharge my batteries". I'm an extrovert and so do I!

You probably mean you're outgoing.
Extroverts get their energy from other people.
If you need to be alone to recharge your batteries, by definition, you're an introvert, or at least have a strong introvert component (rarely people are completely one or the other).

And it's also important to remember that the Myers-Briggs tests, particularly the truncated ones presented on social media are not diagnostic and are very rarely used any more for anything except entertainment. So treat the results with due scepticism- they are not quite as interchangeable as horoscopes.........

It took you five minutes to read it butchy? Really

Maybe it was less. Felt like 20 though.

I remember my mum discovering the introvert thing many years ago and boring us all to tears about it. Our whole family are introverts so we do get it, it's just the snowflakery that irritates.

I thought the link was hilarious! It all reminds me of demi sexual agender people. I can't be arsed with sex much either but it's just a part of who I am. Not A Thing That People Should Respect And Know About.

Myers Briggs, even in its purest form which is not what you get on the internet, is utter bunkum. It has no reliability or validity, it's not objective, the terminology is vague to the point of meaninglessness, it doesn't measure what it's supposed to.

None of which is suprising when you realise it was devised by a woman who never went to school and whose degree was in agriculture .

I’m an introvert and prefer spending one to one time with my friends rather than going out as a big group. I enjoy big group events at the time but find them draining. I only need to go out a few times a month to feel socially busy and that’s with just one friend to cinema for example. I have enough good friends to keep me happy and I wouldn’t class myself as a loner but I do need plenty of alone time. In big groups I tend to sit and observe rather than join in. Bigger the group the more likely that is to happen, even with people I know but especially if there are people in the group I don’t. I wouldn’t call myself shy, I’m willing to talk to people I don’t know if im in a situation that demands it - ie for work.

I'm definitely an introvert (find large groups of people quite intimidating - enjoy plenty of time alone in the zone etc - found it difficult when dd was in at a very very clingy stage - much prefer spending time with small groups of people or one on one, rather than large crowds etc etc) but I have total sympathy with Aquitania's position.

But only when people use "being introvert" as an excuse to be rude. In fact it is a bit of a bugbear of mine. Can't bear it when people stand back and leave it to "everyone else" to oil the social wheels. (Although I know this doesn't apply to all introverts of course!)

We don't any more but we used to entertain a lot, and you really notice it in those situations when you are dashing around really busy and introducing people to each other but at times you are also desperately hoping that guests will oil the wheels a bit themselves.

I've had people come to dinner and chomp through three courses and not speak a single word to the person on their left or their right, which tbh, does comes across as a bit rude and and a bit lazy. (I was brought up with the instruction that if you were invited anywhere you had to "earn your dinner".)

The thing is though, no one finds it particularly easy to make casual conversation with people they don't know!

On one occasion, their partner excused their behaviour by saying "don't mind him, he's an introvert" - he was a 47 years old engineer who managed a team of 20 people at work every day fhs!!! And I'm certain we would have been really interested in what he had to say too!

I think the irritating thing about it is (as my late mother used to say) if you are "self conscious" then you are thinking more about yourself than about others. And sorry if this sounds incredibly old-fashioned but if people forgot about themselves for a bit and had an awareness that others might be nervous as well, tried to listen, and put others at ease, just made a bit of effort to grease the social wheels etc, then everyone would find it easier to get along - introverts and extroverts alike.

What a nasty individual, Aquitaine. I’m sure you have lots of friends

You may be an introvert but you don't have to stay that way. I was an incredibly shy introverted kid but over the years as an adult I trained myself to change because those traits did not work for me in the real world. Now I am not an extrovert but I happy and comfortable in pretty much all social and work situations. I would say my life is more enriched because of it.

This thread is hilarious.

I’m a socially introverted extrovert with social anxiety, I need time alone to recharge my batteries before heading out to do body shots off randoms.

As someone said upthread it’s all a bit demi pan asexual microwave cloudgender, innit?

Just be, people. Just be.

It's misuse of the term to think it relates to the number of people you socialise with. An introvert takes their energy from within, generally needing alone time to recharge. An extrovert takes their energy from others also

(Very few people are all introvert or all extrovert. It's about your underlying preference)

if you are "self conscious" then you are thinking more about yourself than about others. And sorry if this sounds incredibly old-fashioned but if people forgot about themselves for a bit and had an awareness that others might be nervous as well, tried to listen, and put others at ease, just made a bit of effort to grease the social wheels etc, then everyone would find it easier to get along

I have to agree with this, and I was much more shy when young.
I'm still an introvert, but I'm not shy and will make conversation. If nothing else, I ask people about them. It seems to work well. :)

Of course people get it, they just don't give a shit what you are.

I'm not getting what is 'nasty' about aquitania's posts. I agreed with them actually but some people don't and that's fine. It's interesting it's had such a strong response, even for AIBU.

I think people see the introvert 'label' as a positive one, compared to its extrovert counterpart, and as such they are keen to claim it and make use of it (I am an introvert, so I need alone time when MIL visits ...) I am inclined to agree most of it is hoofwank.

"anyone who is not at this very moment performing a cabaret show is considered introverted."
Love it! I consider myself somewhat of a mix but come down slightly on the introvert side but Ido agree it's become such a huge badge of honour / special snowflake these days and is becoming slightly ridiculous.

You may be an introvert but you don't have to stay that way

That implies there is something wrong with being an introvert that could be improved/fixed.

You could just as easily say you may be an EXTROVERT but you don’t have to stay that way.

There’s a difference between being shy and being introverted.

Everyone (myself included is so much more self analytical these days). I'm sure it's since we all stopped drinking so much :o

I enjoy socialising with large groups of people and one to one. However I do really like regular time alone. You need it for reading! Which I also really like.

I do feel drained after spending lots of time with some people. I often think it is the effort it takes to be really polite, listen to their lengthy anecdotes which you’ve heard before and questionable political views which you suspect might be relayed for effect.

Not a self conscious thing at all.

I suspect the introvert explanations comes from not wanting to appear rude. If you are bothered about being kind and considerate around people, who are less bothered, it means you continually have to make allowances for their behaviour. Which takes energy. It is no surprise to me, that a recharge away from them is needed.

I was an introvert in the days when it just meant "bit socially awkward/find people exhausting from time to time". Love that link Aquitania. How many "I'm an introvert and the world just doesn't care understand" posts do we need ffs!

Barbarian we should get together and discuss our experiences

think people see the introvert 'label' as a positive one, compared to its extrovert counterpart, and as such they are keen to claim it and make use of it (I am an introvert, so I need alone time when MIL visits ...)

Maybe on MN/social media but it’s definitely not my experience that introversion is perceived positively in the real world. Maybe if you work at NASA?

Mind you, I’m also oblivious to all these memes that introverts are supposedly spunking all over their FB timelines. My timeline seems to be chock full of people posting photos of their roast dinner or vying for top place on how many strangers you can cram into a selfie group hug in a nightclub...

Everyone (myself included is so much more self analytical these days). I'm sure it's since we all stopped drinking so much.

I blame Dawson's Creek. They planted the naval gazing germ and 20 years later it's an epidemic.

I picture the people who insist telling everyone they know that they are an ‘introvert’ as one of their defining qualities as sulky teenagers refusing to speak to their grandparents on the phone and stomping around shouting ‘You just don’t understand me!’.