To think some people really don’t understand what an introvert is

[Glassfrog]

I was travelling with some colleagues recently and we were talking about socialising outside of work. I remarked that I’m quite introverted, that I prefer to spend time with people one-on-one, and although I enjoy it to a point, I find it tiring and need a lot of time to myself as well. I added that I don’t really enjoy socialising in large groups at all.

One of my colleagues replied that it was fine to only have one or two friends (meaning me). I’ve actually got quite a lot of very close friends! They’re just not friends with each other and I spend time with them individually.

I took it from her comment that she assumes that introverts are loners with no or few friends - is that a very commonly-held view?

Same, WonderLime

Very adolescent

I blame Dawson's Creek. They planted the naval gazing germ and 20 years later it's an epidemic

I watched season 1 of that but Joey’s gurning was literally making my eyes bleed so it had to go.

Come to think of it, something of the characters verbosity reminds me of a young poster on here... 🤔

I’m with the cynics on this.
I’m perfectly aware of what people mean when they say they’re introverted.

It’s definitely true that nobody likes making awkward small talk at parties, no one likes making awkward small talk at baby groups - it’s just some people keep it in perspective.

"I enjoy socialising with large groups of people and one to one. However I do really like regular time alone. You need it for reading! Which I also really like.

I do feel drained after spending lots of time with some people. I often think it is the effort it takes to be really polite, listen to their lengthy anecdotes which you’ve heard before and questionable political views which you suspect might be relayed for effect"

Congratulations! You're a human!

Don't want to read and run but going to work. Only read first page. Wow! Really offensive. I think sometimes some people can make you introverted. I'm usually friendly and outgoing but some people make me feel like not speaking. Sometimes being in a room full of strangers is more comfortable than a room with two or three people in it.

We are all unique so why can't people accept each other as they are. Just be yourself Glassfrog I'm sure you have lots of friends who appreciate you.

I think it has become fashionable to say that one is introverted when most of the people who claim to be one are clearly not. I have a feeling they somehow associate being introverted with being a bookish, clever intellectual who thinks in a more interesting, unusual way, and they want to be seen that way. They want to be seen as special and unique. They do nothing more than irritate me.

upperlimit that made me smile, on an otherwise quite unpleasantly-toned thread. The navel gazing on the Creek was legend.

Thanks, Bertrand! I thought I might be an alien...

My post was by way of explanation of why spending time with people can be draining if you are concerned about remaining considerate and polite. I never claimed this was a special feature. Or that I was part of an oppressed group of people.

Being polite and considerate is voluntary but tiring. It involves expending energy on others rather than receiving energy from them. That is all.

I have a feeling they somehow associate being introverted with being a bookish, clever intellectual who thinks in a more interesting, unusual way, and they want to be seen that way. They want to be seen as special and unique.

That is not an introvert. My DC can be pretty introverted and would prefer not to be noticed and certainly doesn’t want to be seen as ‘special and unique’. They enjoy get togethers but really do need time alone too. They are bookish but hide it amongst peers.

Magpie- what I was trying to say is that everyone feels like that. You don't have to be an I- Es feel like that too. The difference is that Is are probably more likely to analyze why they feel like that, and to articulate it.

Are extroverts not analytical then, Bertrand?

Introversion is definitely used as an excuse for special treatment on MN. I remember an annoying thread a while back where excuses were being made by other introverts for a DIL who would hide in her bedroom when the in-laws came round for more than an hour as a group of three. Because having three of her husband’s closest relatives round for longer than 60 minutes was too much for her introverted tendencies. Well actually that’s just rude.

And I say this as an omnivert who is of course far more special than all you introverts and extroverts

Well there aren't as many "I'm an extrovert but no one understands me" threads

So I'd suggest less naval gazey

It seems like you are not BU based on some of the comments on here.

Most posters seem to be arguing the same point. Those who find the loquacious (on the topic) 'introverts' tiresome, are bemoaning the trend, but it's the trend that appears to have created the lack of understanding the OP is talking about.

I'm in introvert. I don't generally speak about it. In fact, very rarely. But it helps me understand how I can cope with stressful situations and, in particular, at work it helps me carve out a way of being in a role which requires a lot of exposure to people who need my help, in a way which doesn't overwhelm me to the point of total overload.

I don't think it makes me special. This part of me in fact makes me feel wholly inadequate.

“I'm not angry. I just think it's self-obsessed and boring when people keep going on about their special introvertedness. Starting threads full of special pleading for understanding etc.“

Despite your post you sound SO angry, it’s palpable. . Maybe start a thread about how not to get so hot under the collar about something which you really shouldn’t. Mind you you might get some angry, goady fucker answering so be prepared!

I have a friend who often posts aboit being introverted and the varuous memes and inspirational quotes she had found about it... fair enough

But then she will do sonething to massively draw attention to herself... posting photos of her in outlandish and revealing cosplay outfits, wear very gothic attire and make up but almost as fancy dress for no reason (90% of tine she wears jeans n t shirts).
She also organised a theme kareoke night where she dressed up in a feather boa etc.

I dont have much of an opinion on any of the above but surely if she was truly introverted then some of she does are a bit incongruous?

I think part of the problem here is that certain types, conditions etc can sometimes be hijacked.

I know that dyslexia was under-diagnosed for many years, but I've met so many people who are clearly NOT dyslexic but just can't be bothered to spell properly. I know people who use self-diagnosed "depression" as an excuse for only doing what they want - I have severe depression myself and have been treated by the GP for many years. Then there's people who use (again usually self-diagnosed) conditions like Aspergers as the reason why they are just plain inconsiderate and rude, or parents who insist their children must have ADHD because of behaviours that are really down to lack of parenting.

Before loads of people start screaming at me, there is no way I would suggest that the above aren't all genuine issues with an awful lot of people. The problem is other people jumping on the bandwagon as it's easier than having to do something they don't want to/can't be bothered with.

[Puts on flameproof clothing & hides]

Well there aren't as many "I'm an extrovert but no one understands me" threads

Maybe that’s because, as, if I’ve understood it correctly, Bertand, claims extroverts do not analyse. It might not even register in their thinking, whether they are understood or not....

So introverts cannot indulge in hobbies, or do anything to celebrate who they are and what they enjoy? 😳

Being introverted does not mean you cannot be around people or enjoy attention and the company of others. It means to get the energy to do that you need serious decompression time.

Well OP, I think your question has been answered - introverts understand what it is, some extroverts understand, a lot of wanky tosspots don't but feel the need to belittle others anyway.
As an introvert with real Asperger's I've never actually met another introvert who talks incessantly about it. I have however met some extroverts who talk incessantly about themselves.

Don't think @aquitania is angry, she's witty. The thought catalog article was hilarious and very apposite. @PeiPeiPing on the other hand has made some very rude personal comments.

Soyalatte i dont know if that reply was to ne but it sounds like it could be...

Anyway- not at all i want my friend to be happy and i hope she is. Only her interests seem to involve lots of other people all being together and gathering lots of attention which i didnt think was being introverted was about?

She's not witty, she posted the rantings of someone else. What she posted was funny, but it needs breaking down a whole lot to be relevant to the post.

@PeiPeiPing on the other hand has made some very rude personal comments

Pffft. I’ve seen PeiPei on fire elsewhere. She hasn’t even woken up yet on this thread.