To think some people really don’t understand what an introvert is

[Glassfrog]

I was travelling with some colleagues recently and we were talking about socialising outside of work. I remarked that I’m quite introverted, that I prefer to spend time with people one-on-one, and although I enjoy it to a point, I find it tiring and need a lot of time to myself as well. I added that I don’t really enjoy socialising in large groups at all.

One of my colleagues replied that it was fine to only have one or two friends (meaning me). I’ve actually got quite a lot of very close friends! They’re just not friends with each other and I spend time with them individually.

I took it from her comment that she assumes that introverts are loners with no or few friends - is that a very commonly-held view?

I’m an introvert according to the Myers Briggs crap Test.

Why do the majority take any minority enjoying their differences as an attack?

Who is the majority and minority in this? Aren’t introverts and extroverts pretty equally split?

And it is just a personality quirk, not a protected characteristic.

No, I think introverts are only about 25%.

I’m not sure why you think 25%, and at any rate I don’t think that’s true.

Between 1972 and 2002, the frequency of MBTI was recorded from participants taking the test, and the results were 49.3% Extraverts and 50.7% Inteoverts

www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/my-mbti-results/how-frequent-is-my-type.htm?bhcp=1

As far as a population level goes, I don’t think there’s ever been any real studies on it so it would be difficult to say.

I think there is often a great human need to feel special, and being lumped by personality into a perceived minority group is an easy way to do this - but it’s crap and neglects what actually is special about an individual (NB: it is not that you need to some alone time - something that a majority of humans need at some point).

But at the same time, we also want to feel ‘belonging’, so we actively seek out personality quizzes so we can be part of a group - we just want to be part of the cool, exclusive group.

Why else would we take these quizzes? Surely you already know that you are analytical, or passionate, or dedicated or whatever trait the quiz correctly identifies with you - or is it a surprise when you read that you are in fact introverted?

Not a surprise, but the degree as compared with others can sometimes be revealing.

I found the OP amusing because although the colleague made some big assumptions about her (and was irritatingly patronizing) I'm not sure the OP has a particularly good understanding of introversion either. My family is split pretty evenly between introverts and extroverts and we all prefer one on one with our close friends and none of us like big parties. ds and I are antisocial extroverts while dd and dh are antisocial extroverts. We can all charm when in the mood, dd is by far the most sociable of us but also really needs alone time.

Myers-Briggs is fundamentally pop psychology, but it's the interaction between your preferences, not any single trait that really matters.

To be fair, INFJ doesn't mean "introvert". It just means that the primary function is introverted intuition...

Whether and INFJ is an introvert, in general, or not is a separate matter.

Agree with Aquitania, sorry OP. And I'm an introvert for sure. I'm tired of hearing from "introverts" how nobody understands them and they are so weird and different. In fact nothing is different. Everyone feels nervous socialising in large groups. No one likes answering the phone.

If anything there are are more introverts than extroverts out there. Or more accurately most people are some of both.

I agree with Aquitania too. On my Facebook feed over the past year or so there have been so many links to comics and articles about introversion, and they've got on my tits since day 1. And I'm someone who has always thought of myself as an introvert, ever since I knew what one was. But I don't understand why people feel the need to bang on about it or expect special treatment because of it. It's like the least interesting thing about a person.

Myers-Briggs does not define you. Going around saying “I’m INFJ” or whatever makes you sound like a muppet. It’s self-reported, and therefore open to manipulation, and has absolutely no basis in anything remotely useful.

I’m an introvert, with a hefty dose of agoraphobia (yay me), and I can honestly say I’ve never felt the need to bleat on about it or use it as an excuse for anything . Nor have I ever encountered anyone else doing that. @Sashkin, I have no idea what you are burbling on about. WTF does introversion have to do with being unable to do “wife work” FFS?

I fit the definition of introvert, and have been called shy, miserable, loner, aloof etc so I have been misunderstood by those who don't know me well. But, i don't give a shit!

I love aquitina's post; being an introvert isn't special or interesting. Neither is being an extrovert. It's just part of who you are.

The important stuff ( kindness, compassion, being a good friend, supportive etc) applies to everybody regardless of how much time you spend alone.

I think we choose to be one or the other. I am naturally introverted but have never 'allowed' myself to stay that way, so have become extroverted most of the time.

It is quite indulgent to care so much one way or the other unless your life is really suffering

I have read this with disbelief. I have never encountered anyone boring on about being special and introverted and I did not know there was a group of people who are sick to death of the boring, special introverts.

I've never even thought about this or discussed it with another person, is this a "thing" now?? I've just googled and there are loads of blogs etc about it

I always thought people were a bit of both usually depending on the environment/how they're feeling etc

I think part of the problem is that a lot of the things introverts say they are is just how humans are. Tests like MB put labels on perfectly "normal" human characteristics and if you are prone to introspection you are inclined to put more weight on those labels. Most people will recognise many characteristics of themselves in all the MB personality types- we just only tend to read our own and say "That's me!' We might say the same to many of the others.

Nope, I'm with aquitania too. Though it was a strange choice to copy and paste a whole article. I kept wondering why you were numbering each point. That's not really how a numbered list works. But I agree in principle. Also introvert parenting - as though extroverts just love having toddlers follow them to the toilet while a 1yo claws at your nipple and the 3yo just neeeeeds to stroke your skin while asking inane questions and the 5yo needs you to pretend to care about Ninjago. Everyone finds that shit draining. Actually having a small child is what helped me understand introverts.

I also think that some of the frustration comes from people saying things like "I'm an introvert, so I need lots of time alone to recharge my batteries". I'm an extrovert and so do I! I just don't have a letter combination that gives the need a clinical significance

It's just another inane distinction that doesn't mean much of anything. So what if you call yourself an introvert or and extrovert? What difference does it make to anyone? As if the entire world splits neatly into two opposing groups anyway, its just such rubbish.

On here it seems to be used mainly as an excuse for being anti-social and rude.

I don't spend much time on social media and I've seen plenty of these diagrams laying out the convoluted ways we need to tip-toe around introverts.

It's OK to be an introvert, but it's not OK to use that to be rude (eg snubbing people, not using normal manners when in company, not even trying ordinary small talk)

Different people have different attitudes, and some find public behaviour harder than others, but it doesn't let then off the hook IYSWIM.

Introverts are a marginalised social group who face a lot of prejudice and discrimination. Whether they are in the minority or not makes no difference to that, as we can see from how women are treated.

No-one should be having a go at people living with that experience for talking about it.

But of course they do, because a lot of members of the dominant group always think they have the right to do that.

Introverts get told how superior extroverts are the whole time. Including in the form of differing job and relationship prospects, things are actually quite important for quality of life. If they make a few webcomics or whatever that flip things around, as a venting exercise or thought experiment or campaigning tool, I don't see a problem with that, any more than I would with any other less powerful group doing it.

And all this "we're all drained by spending time with people" stuff is no different to responding that way to someone who's disabled. If you are that exhausted by contact with other people, maybe you are an introvert. Just like if you're using your similarity to autistic people to claim that they shoudn't need accommodations, because you're that way too and you've never been given any, maybe you are autistic.

Can'tSleepClownsWillEatMe wink Maybe the OP should have put a trigger warning on the thread fro people like Aquitania LOL

Aquitania certainly should have stuck a trigger warning on that mighty tome of hers. It nearly triggered irreversible coma in me. I kept reading thinking it must be going somewhere but ... nope.

Another 5 minutes of my life I’m never getting back.

People post all kinds of drivel to social media. Stands to reason introverts will do it too.

Gosh, what a lot of anger about introverts. I came on to see what people think about changing from extrovert to introvert with age, or whether that is more likely to be social anxiety.
However, we're a bit derailed by how introverts are all precious snowflakes. Ok.

Maybe extroverts think it’s better to be an extrovert, and can’t understand people who are content not to be. Weird.

Aquitania I LOVED your post! (And I'm an introvert, according to Myers Briggs)

It took you five minutes to read it butchy? Really?