To think some people really don’t understand what an introvert is

[Glassfrog]

I was travelling with some colleagues recently and we were talking about socialising outside of work. I remarked that I’m quite introverted, that I prefer to spend time with people one-on-one, and although I enjoy it to a point, I find it tiring and need a lot of time to myself as well. I added that I don’t really enjoy socialising in large groups at all.

One of my colleagues replied that it was fine to only have one or two friends (meaning me). I’ve actually got quite a lot of very close friends! They’re just not friends with each other and I spend time with them individually.

I took it from her comment that she assumes that introverts are loners with no or few friends - is that a very commonly-held view?

Indeed Pimms . Imagine if the "I'm bored to death with parking threads and diagrams" people or the "I couldn't give a shite what you're having for dinner" people all got this worked up? It's a thread, there's plenty of them, how do people get so worked up about the internet??

Actual LOL at someone who posted "You're a proper little fucking charmer aren't you?" getting on their high horse about rudeness.

It wasn’t until I was older that I realised that it was ok to not want to be around others constantly and that it didn’t make me weird.

I'm not sure I know anyone who doesn't want 'me time' and wants to be around others constantly.

Not even the most outgoing, socially busy people I know.

It's not weird, it's completely normal.

Sashkin comparing my bemusement at the introvert-hate with ‘not all men’ is bizarre and inappropriate. One results from not having seen some articles (presumably) on social media and the other results from being completely fucking dense and incapable of understanding the huge issue of sexism

Sashkin There may indeed be threads about "Misunderstood Introverts" on Google. I do not believe in reporting or censoring things on MN but I do find your comments suggesting people pretend to be Aspie a little offensive tbh. ASD is actually underdiagnosed in many people.

Seriously, the actual thread title is bemoaning that people who aren't introverts don't understand something about introverts. It's aimed at me. So I'm responding.

worra yes, I should have phrased that
“It wasn’t until I was older that I realised that it was ok to not want to be around others 80ish percent of the time”

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe I know. If people are truly offended or triggered by something (I get that people with legitimate traumatic experiences may be the latter, though I find it hard to understand how a thread about introversion would trigger someoen in the PTSD sense of the word) they can just leave the thread and soothe their distress by looking at pics of cute kittens or whatever. The way people have to pick holes in every other MN post just to be goady and annoying makes me LOL

There’s responding, and there’s responding unnecessarily rudely.

@Aquitania

Actual LOL at someone who posted "You're a proper little fucking charmer aren't you?" getting on their high horse about rudeness.

ODFOD! Don't even DARE to imply I am as rude as you. You're just plain nasty.

Not to mention a goady fucker.

And claiming to be “a little bit Aspergic” absolutely used to be a common thing that people did, along with claiming to be “a little bit OCD” and calling other people schizophrenic as a term of abuse. It was obviously always offensive, but people were less aware of disablist language 20 years ago. I’m really happy to hear that you’ve never come across it, hopefully it’s dying out.

Well every day is a school day as they say, but I really never knew being an introvert or an extrovert for that matter, was such a 'thing'.

Let alone that the very mention of it could cause such anger/annoyance

My advice for what it's worth OP, is to forget the labels and intricate studies and just carry on being you.

So someone thought you don't have many friends? Now they know you do (if you set them straight) and if you didn't, so what?

Aquatania if you really think that random threads on a site visited by thousands of people are aimed at you I suggest you may need to get out more. Unless you're an introvert of course but even then it might help to crack open a window occasionally .

I didn't imply anything. I was pretty explicit. I DARED to be so.

Anyway, I'm off to bed now. Night all.

worra no I didn’t! Because it doesn’t bother me if they think I don’t have any friends! It just made me wonder if that was a common view. I don’t think anyone has actually responded to the original question though it’s just turned into a big fight!

I’m not saying anyone pretends to have ASD. This was entirely neurotypical people saying “Can you straighten that book? (tinkly laugh) I’m a little bit Aspergic like that”. It was offensive at the time. Fewer people cared then though.

Sashkin I remember people claiming to be "a little bit OCD." Some years ago I had an actual breakdown due to OCD- my ritauls would take hours to complete and I had to be put on medication. It took me years to recover. I still have intrusive thoughts though no longer have the rituals.

I still think though that people do not claim to be Aspie and use it as an excuse to be dicks. Or maybe a small number do. Personally I am glad MH is now "mainstream" because although there is till a lot of stigma, people are less afraid of talking about their problems. At least 4 out of 10 people will have a MH issue of some kind in their lives. If it means a very small minority jump on a bandwagon then it is a small price to pay for decreased stigma and greater awareness.

Sashkin Ah, ok. I guess maybe the trend to people say they are a little bit Aspie has died out now then, thankfully. I really do not see it widespread except maybe on tumblr type sites full of teenage trolls.

I have not seen it on MN at all. Quite the opposite in fact. I see threads from people who have serious difficulties in life wondering if they may have ASD but getting a diagnosis is a lengthy and frustrating process. So many of these people are afraid to self diagnose and claim what they need in case they "offend" someone. That is a way more serious and dangerous trend.

My dh is an introvert by nature.
You can have a very fronty job too and be introvert and stand in rooms with lots of people, but socially prefer one friend at a time or another couple.
The thought of surprises or not being prepared where there are lots of people would scare the life out of him.
I'm the opposite and love a song and dance, making a fuss, surprises, parties, and thrive on meeting people.
He has never really commented on it as a label, he does sometimes say he's not very good socially, but I disagree, he's good company and all his friends enjoy his company.

Lmao the sensitivity of some people.

Why do the majority take any minority enjoying their differences as an attack?

I’m an ambivert but I’m fairly “introverted” compared to most. I like it.

I reckon it’s like Meyers-Briggs tests - all hokum and Barnum statements.

I think we both agree actually Pimms. Sorry if I didn’t explain myself very well. I’ve never seen it on MN either, it was all in real life sadly.

I think the reason it used to be socially acceptable is because people used to think that having ASD meant either being Rain Man, or being that obnoxious twat off Big Bang Theory. Neither stereotype is accurate, and I’m really glad there’s so much greater awareness of that now too.

Sorry to hear about your own OCD. My little brother developed some compulsions and rituals after my dad died (this was when he was 7) and it was awful for him. Mostly around opening and closing things multiple times.

I think introversion in society is misunderstood and misused. It therefore has a different meaning to what it would mean in psychology or personality profiling.
As I understand it, in personality profiling introversion is more about getting their energy from within, rather than the external environment (extrovert). It’s about recharging in a different way.

In society, I have heard introversion being described mixed up with other traits, and suggesting that introverts are not social people for example.

Just be yourself. Whe cares what anyone else thinks really.

I am not the most outgoing of people. I prefer my own company. I will go to large gatherings when I have to. I can enjoy them and I can cope pretty well when needs must, but I wouldn't choose them.

That might well make me an introvert, but I am not bothered by the label at all. It makes me who I am.

@Aquitania