To think this ‘game’ was really inappropriate and to complain?

[TattiusTeddius]

Went out for a meal with DH today at a chain Italian place. The waiter took our order and then when he was finished said “thanks Lucy” (my name). I was as I had no idea who this guy was or how he knew me. DH asked but I said I honestly haven’t got the foggiest, and he joked about are you sure he isn’t a previous conquest (I had a, how would you say, illustrious sexual history pre-DH). The waiter kept on saying my name whenever he served us drinks and courses and I felt really rude that I didn’t know him back but he obviously knew me.

Anyway at the end of the meal when we were paying the bill, he said “Do you want to know how I know you?”. I said yes, clearly a bit embarrassed. Then he said “I don’t!”. He explained how the staff were playing a ‘game’, if someone walked in the restaurant who one of them knew, another waiter or waitress would serve them using their name constantly to freak them out. It turns out my friend’s sister works in the kitchen so passed my name on to the waiter. I kind of did a “oh ha ha ha” but TBH I was a bit appalled.

AIBU to think that this ‘game’ was really inappropriate? What if my DH had been an abusive man who didn’t see the funny side? Luckily he’s not but this is something that would provoke many partners to lash out. Aside from that, it’s just not very professional to do that to customers. WIBU to complain to a manager? DH thinks I’m over reacting 🙄

Or am I just an old stick in the mud?

Nooka I am so sorry to hear what you said about when you were a child.

OP I think this is really unpleasant. I would have told the waiter that he would be getting a tip.

I'd tell 'friend’s sister' or friend that you won't be eating there again.

I think it's pretty rubbish actually.

he would not be getting a tip.

Agree with LassWiTheDelicateAir I would complain. The staff are there to serve you and make your evening better, not ruin it.

This thread is making me really anxious. My mother and brother are abusive to me. Lots of nasty name calling. I recently cut my brother off for being violent to me and has tried to call me twice over the past week. My mother text me about him over the past couple of days telling me how he’s wonderful and how I should be grateful for him for this or that. His friend and my/his financial advisor called me yesterday. I completely freaked because I thought he may be trying to get to me though him. It wasn’t the case. But I ended up bursting into tears and telling the guy how frightened I am of my brother.

It’s not just women in abusive relationships but people like me, who spent decades thinking there was something wrong with them instead of victims of narcissistic parenting.

It could also deeply affect people, who have been stalked. I’m sure it would have a very similar affect on them as it would on me.

This is a nasty and insidious game. I appreciate the staff are young and do not understand the implication of their actions.

I’m reallt glad you are going to complain.

I would be really upset by this and would speak with the Manager at least. This could be a very hurtful to some people. Yes the staff are calling it a game, but it is at the expense of others and has implications. I also have recently come out of an abacus I’ve relationship and this would’ve caused Hell for me at home. My 12 year old has severe anxiety and this would’ve really triggered him too!
My other point is what about customers with memory problems? This could cause real stressors for them. I am still early 30s and have memory issues due to medical issues. This would be very upsetting as I’d think it was my memory!
I hope you speak with somebody and get a decent reply.

You should send an email to head office and back it up with some Tweets. Companies respond quickly to a bit of public shaming.

mummyoflittledragon so sorry to hear of what your mum and brother have done to you it’s important we share these stories to show how this behaviour is not acceptable.

The person who commented saying they played this game looks like a first time poster. I’m taking their post with a tremendous pinch of salt.

My ex was abusive and this would have meant a night of being shouted at and provoked until I cried. I would have said something at the time, but as a PP said being a man, he may not have 'got' it. I would write a civil letter to the manager, mentioning no names, and give examples (say you asked friends or on a forum and many women replied saying this would have caused a horrid situation for them). We need to speak up about this sort of thing.

That's an uncomfortable thing to do. But a blatant attempt to increase the tip through guilt. Not a game. I worked in a restaurant where a group of the younger staff used to do this to guilt a bigger tip.

So the staff are playing a game to make the customers uncomfortable? I don’t know how that can be acceptable in any way shape nor form. I wouldn’t have complained to the manager, but I would have said “do I know uou” immediately on him using my name.

Yanbu.

I would be taking this a lot further than the restaurant manager.

If this happened to me on the rare occasion that my PTSD is level enough for me to leave the house, it would trigger a massive melt down and set me back massively. I think it's absolutely awful.

I can see why some people wouldn't be at all bothered, but it would seriously impact on others and they shouldn't be playing ridiculous games involving customers in a professional environment.

I'd be tweeting, emailing the chain, Facebook etc and would expect serious repercussions.

I would be taking this a lot further than the restaurant manager.

I disagree with going nuclear straight away, you should give the individual restaurant's manager a chance to fix this privately before you post publicly naming and shaming.

I don't think it's fair to the manager to go above their head and turn it into a big ionvestigation (which going straight to corporate and posting all over social media will do) when they haven't been given a chance to fix the problem they are, presumably, unaware the OP had during their visit.

If the response from the manager is not satisfactory then of course escalate up the chain, but I do think that people are sometimes too quick to start posting all over social media when they haven't even spoken to anyone in the store/restaurant who could have fixed the issue quickly once they were aware.

@BriahnQW

Are you really that much of a twat, or just a GF?

Thanks Tattius

No that’s fucked...and my partner would have been the same as yours and it would have ruined the whole meal. I would complain it’s the sort of game you play on a night out pissed not at work.

"I've played this game at work before, it can be great fun seeing customers get so confused."

@BriahnQW - do you think the customers are there for your amusement? Do you think you have enhanced their enjoyment of their meal by making them confused and uncomfortable, just for your fun? How does it benefit you or your co-workers, to make your customers - the bread and butter of your employer's business - uncomfortable?

If I were made to feel this way in a restaurant, I would not be leaving a tip, I would be leaving a critical review on Trip Advisor, and I would not be going back.

If enough people react the same way, the restaurant closes, and you are out of a job, @BriahnQW. Even if the worst does not happen, making customers unhappy WILL reduce your tips, so you will suffer financially.

In short - stop being a dick and having fun at your customers' expense.

BrianQW you need to get out more if that's your idea of fun

I've played this game at work before, it can be great fun seeing customers get so confused. Everyone In the hospitality industry knows you've got to have a little fun at the customers expense, just don't get caught!
I'd complain if I were you, will teach the waiter a valuable lesson to not be so soft and let the customer in on the workplace fun.

No they really dont, maybe its just ignorant gits like you?

After all the comments on this thread about putting women and men in compromising situations with their partners or upsetting people who should be enjoying a nice meal you thought that your post was valid?

Says it all really.

Christ almighty some of you have no life if you would complain about this.

I have issues with Prosopagnosia, and would have spent the entire meal feeling very anxious and trying to remember who he was and where I knew him from. It would have ruined the meal for me, and why should I, you, or anyone else pay for a negative experience?

for @Myheartbelongsto.

@Myheartbelongsto why does being made to feel anxious and distressed = "no life"?

Some people may be able to laugh it off, some may feel a little uncomfortable, for others it could be a very negative experience for a number of reasons. Why should the staff take this gamble, purely for their own amusement?

OP, although made to feel uncomfortable, clearly wasn't particularly distressed by it, however it appears she wants to raise the matter to avoid an unpleasant experience for others, which is very considerate of her.

Christ almighty some of you have no life if you would complain about this.

I was just thinking the same thing.

There are very few public facing roles where name badges arent worn thus allowing all manner of stranger to address you by your first name. . Plus printed bills usualy have the servers name on them too. A good restaurant will rememeber who called, who made the booking, why, and solicit information to make it a great occassion.

Frankly if the OP cant say to the waiter: "Luigi, you keep calling my Lucy, do I know you", then Im not entirely sure she should be allowed out without her hand being held to cross the road.

Sloesloe
Myheart

Clearly you’ve never been the victim of insidious abuse. Good for you.

@SloeSloeQuickQuickGin - there is a huge difference between the staff in a restaurant using the customer's name to enhance the quality of their visit, and using it to confuse or freak out the customer, as a way of the staff having fun. And there is also a huge difference between someone using your name because you are wearing a name badge, and someone who doesn't know you, using your name because someone has given them that information NOT so they can help you or make your visit to their establishment better, but just so the staff can have a laugh at your expense.

Is it ever acceptable for someone to have fun at a customer's expense in a way that makes the customer feel uncomfortable?

And I see that the posts about the real danger that this 'game' could result in abuse from a jealous partner have gone right over your head - though you clearly have read the ones about social anxiety, and decided that nastiness was the way to go, in response to those posters. Well done you.