To think this ‘game’ was really inappropriate and to complain?

[TattiusTeddius]

Went out for a meal with DH today at a chain Italian place. The waiter took our order and then when he was finished said “thanks Lucy” (my name). I was as I had no idea who this guy was or how he knew me. DH asked but I said I honestly haven’t got the foggiest, and he joked about are you sure he isn’t a previous conquest (I had a, how would you say, illustrious sexual history pre-DH). The waiter kept on saying my name whenever he served us drinks and courses and I felt really rude that I didn’t know him back but he obviously knew me.

Anyway at the end of the meal when we were paying the bill, he said “Do you want to know how I know you?”. I said yes, clearly a bit embarrassed. Then he said “I don’t!”. He explained how the staff were playing a ‘game’, if someone walked in the restaurant who one of them knew, another waiter or waitress would serve them using their name constantly to freak them out. It turns out my friend’s sister works in the kitchen so passed my name on to the waiter. I kind of did a “oh ha ha ha” but TBH I was a bit appalled.

AIBU to think that this ‘game’ was really inappropriate? What if my DH had been an abusive man who didn’t see the funny side? Luckily he’s not but this is something that would provoke many partners to lash out. Aside from that, it’s just not very professional to do that to customers. WIBU to complain to a manager? DH thinks I’m over reacting 🙄

Or am I just an old stick in the mud?

And definitely one for Trip Adviser. Then all the people who thought this would be 'funny'; can go there, while the rest of us do not.

YANBU, I have a big problem with the piss being taken out of customers in any way, such poor customer service.

Myheartbelongsto I am sorry you have suffered crippling anxiety. The staff would have no way of knowing you would 've effected and who would not. Plus the game is for the staff not customers! Restaurants are not run for the benefit of the staff. I worked for years in various restaurants. They are run for the benefit of customers and to make money.

Frankly if the OP cant say to the waiter: "Luigi, you keep calling my Lucy, do I know you", then Im not entirely sure she should be allowed out without her hand being held to cross the road.

I’m not sure that - given you can’t tell the difference between knowing someone’s name because they’re wearing a name badge, and a stranger using your name to intimidate you - you should be allowed to cross the road alone either. Perhaps use a pelican crossing? Green man means it’s safe to cross. You’re welcome

Yanbu I think this game spoilt your meal and evening by making you uncomfortable so I think you should complain

YANBU at all to complain

Similar happened to a friend of mine when we were out for dinner a few months ago. Mid-sized restaurant, 20ish tables. She used to be a nurse and met a lot of people at work so was wracking her brain to figure out if he'd been a previous patient. We then overheard him doing the "reveal" to another table and twigged what was happening.

My friend - who is a lot less shy and retiring than me- caught his attention next time he went past and loudly exclaimed "I've figured it out! I saw you in my GUM clinic! How's the itching!?!?"

We then also complained.

Sounds very irritating and stupid

I have sent a complaint today BTW, couldn’t find an email for the branch so used their generic form on the website but asked for it to be forwarded to manager at X location. I didn’t demand a sacking, but suggested some further training for staff and a word that this is inappropriate. I won’t be going back, which is a shame as in a fan, but it’s made me angry. This thread really helped me word the complaint well and I feel very sad for those of you who would once have had the fear of god put into you over this

Looks like we’re not the first to experience this. I was a waitress as a student, and would never dreamed of doing anything like this (id have been sacked on the spot if I did). People actually find this amusing? don’t hunk I’m the one who has to ‘get a life’

It's outrageous if you don't complain. You need too. Your OH clearly doesn't understand the implications this could have for a person. The ex in my case was also abusive so I can imagine how this could affect some people. Considering 1 in 4 women will be abused at some stage of there life this is wrong. It's a game that needs stopping. Putting aside this the behaviour is disrespectful rude and dismissive. There is nothing funny about this

Customers shouldn’t be sport for the staff. And admitting they’re trying to freak out customers for their own amusement is appalling.

I think I would have to complain, and I am pretty easy going. But after the abusive relationship my Mum was in, had this happened to her she would have probably had her nose broken, and while I like to think I have a gsoh, this would have just annoyed me. They are being paid to work, not snigger over how daft you look when you're trying to think where you know someone from. Its not on.
Have a moan! x

Rude and unprofessional! YANBU

If your partner does this, the silly waiter game is the least of your problems. Honestly.

Oh. Dear. God.

What exactly would your complaint be?

How would you feel if the waiter was sacked?

I wouldn’t complain, for you to even consider complaining seems petty.

Maybe you should explain to them that it could cause problems in certain relationships

If your partner does this, the silly waiter game is the least of your problems. Honestly

With profuse apologies and genuine apologies to all posters who have been in difficult relationships but it is almost a pity this was mentioned.

The behaviour was wrong. It was impertinent and arrogant and unprofessional. It matters not what the relationship status and/or mental health and/or vulnerability of the person to whom his arrogant and impertinent behaviour was addressed.

The restaurant has lost a customer in the OP and who knows how many others.

I imagine Head Office would be very keen to know about this, and that some swift retraining will be taking place.

It's sad to see posters minimise it. #notwhatIwantonanightout

I would perhaps speak to the manager not to exactly complain, but to highlight your concerns as to how this "game" could back fire. Your example of an abusive relationship is right on the money, and could cause some serious issues for an innocent man or woman who are just trying to enjoy a meal out.

What exactly would your complaint be?

A waiter decided to play a stupid game at my expense by continuously referring to me by my first name despite the fact he had never met me before, did not know me and had no legitimate way of knowing my name. This made me feel uncomfortable. He then admitted it was a stupid game played at customers' expense.

How would you feel if the waiter was sacked? Not my problem.

I wouldn’t complain, for you to even consider complaining seems petty

No it is not petty. The waiter's behaviour was rude and puerile.

What exactly would your complaint be?

That a member of staff used the OP's name in a "game" that the staff member admitted was intended to unnerve the customers and make them feel uncomfortable by using their name (given by another member of staff who does know the OP)

This "game" might be amusing the staff but it made the OP, the customer paying for this experience, feel uncomfortable, embarrassed and unnerved. It therefore ruined the ambience of her evening and made her not want to stay nor return to that branch.

How would you feel if the waiter was sacked?

I'd feel bad, but then I'd remember that for a member of staff to be sacked for something minor like this then they must already have a bad record and therefore the only reason they have been sacked is because of their own attitude and behaviour.

I work in retail and nobody would be sacked for this kind of behaviour - they would be re-trained & disciplined - unless they were already on a final warning and had already been disciplined for other inappropriate behaviour. In which case they knew they were on their final warning and still continued with this behaviour and therefore they have only themselves to blame.

I would perhaps speak to the manager not to exactly complain, but to highlight your concerns as to how this "game" could back fire

Oh fgs sake. This really has nothing to do with the risk of backfiring. None of the exacerbating reasons apply to me. I still have every right not to be roped in against my will to a stupid game played at my expense by a waiter.

It is rude and unacceptable for all customers. Full stop - but for some there might be repercussions.

I wouldnt go back to the restaurant - it seems a bit odd and totally unprofessional to me

The behaviour was wrong. It was impertinent and arrogant and unprofessional. It matters not what the relationship status and/or mental health and/or vulnerability of the person to whom his arrogant and impertinent behaviour was addressed.

^ This x100

I made a long post pages ago of various other reasons why their behaviour was inappropriate even if the DV issue was left to one side but this sums up what I couldn't find the concise words to say.

The behaviour shown by the staff is not acceptable, regardless of who it is aimed at and such unprofessional behaviour reflects badly on the company. This is what the OP is complaining about, the hypotheticals (and in the case of some posters, the real experiences they have suffered) regarding abusers are just there to show that the "game" was played on the OP and she was unnerved and upset, but for some people it could genuinely put them in danger, but the staff have been too immature to consider the impact of their behaviour on their game's "victims".

I agree with Lass - I thankfully do not suffer from anxiety or PTSD nor am I in an abusive relationship (not that the staff would know either way!) I still had the right to a peaceful prank-free meal.