To think this ‘game’ was really inappropriate and to complain?

[TattiusTeddius]

Went out for a meal with DH today at a chain Italian place. The waiter took our order and then when he was finished said “thanks Lucy” (my name). I was as I had no idea who this guy was or how he knew me. DH asked but I said I honestly haven’t got the foggiest, and he joked about are you sure he isn’t a previous conquest (I had a, how would you say, illustrious sexual history pre-DH). The waiter kept on saying my name whenever he served us drinks and courses and I felt really rude that I didn’t know him back but he obviously knew me.

Anyway at the end of the meal when we were paying the bill, he said “Do you want to know how I know you?”. I said yes, clearly a bit embarrassed. Then he said “I don’t!”. He explained how the staff were playing a ‘game’, if someone walked in the restaurant who one of them knew, another waiter or waitress would serve them using their name constantly to freak them out. It turns out my friend’s sister works in the kitchen so passed my name on to the waiter. I kind of did a “oh ha ha ha” but TBH I was a bit appalled.

AIBU to think that this ‘game’ was really inappropriate? What if my DH had been an abusive man who didn’t see the funny side? Luckily he’s not but this is something that would provoke many partners to lash out. Aside from that, it’s just not very professional to do that to customers. WIBU to complain to a manager? DH thinks I’m over reacting 🙄

Or am I just an old stick in the mud?

Ask respectfully, and with an open mind.

Avoid inserting words like ‘allegedly’ needlessly into your totally guileless questions. Unless you want to heavily imply that you don’t believe that someone has been abused, which I’m sure you didn’t really mean to imply did you?

Gem... not going to feed you. Tattius appalling behaviour by the staff members involved. You have every right yo be upset. Seems like you conducted yourself well in a difficult situation. I would contact the management, retraining seems to be needed. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

I’m struggling to see how this ‘game’ they were playing was even remotely funny or had any kind of point to it.

As many have said, a woman in a relationship with someone who has massive insecurity issues would have nothing but trouble caused for her with these stupid actions. This pathetic and pointless ‘game’ could have caused the wrong woman a real shit storm with her partner.

I would absolutely complain. One for the fact that it could cause a real issue for someone with their partner and two for the fact that you don’t go out to be the subject of a childish ‘game’ when you are out enjoying a meal.

Complain OP and never go back. You'll be doing other diners a favour. Apart from the fact that the waiting staffs' little game ruined your night and could have got someone in an abusive relationship a right-hander when she got home, twats who think this is funny probably think it's hilarious to spit on people's pizzas

Not much to add to previous posters except the voice of agreement. I think you can make it clear to the manager that you're not making a complaint because you want the staff involved to lose their jobs, but it is important that they are retrained because of the potential repercussions -most importantly for anyone who would be at risk of domestic violence after this level of over-familiarity, but also the losses to the business of repeat custom and poor reviews.

I read a lot of stuff on here complaining about some sort of customer service and for the most part the customer is being petty and entitled to be honest.
This isn't one of those times, I think this is not on at all. Restaurants I've worked at have had little 'games' between the staff. But they weren't interactive and designed to make the customers uncomfortable! We would try and guess what someone would order or what drink they'd have, or a bet on how many couverts we'd have that day! Or how many of a popular dish we'd sell.
I don't think the staff have probably considered the implications of this game. It's likely to make people uncomfortable, which will result in reduced business. Someone who feels uncomfortable won't return, won't be tempted to stay for deserts, coffee, more drinks etc. Word of mouth is the biggest maker or breaker of reputation. OP tells a friend, who avoids the place and tells a friend..... And so on.
And as others have mentioned, it could cause problems in relationships. In all honesty it wouldn't have occurred to me that it would in the circumstances described until I actually experienced that kind of relationship for myself. In a previous relationship it absolutely would have caused problems for me. But it's probably that the staff taking part haven't thought of the consequences further than it's fun for them.
I'd send an email and explain the game and the reasons you think it's unsuitable, in a calm and non emotional way, not putting your personal side, just facts.

TattiusTeddius YADNBU... That would have probably freaked me out as I tend to hate having random jokes played on me, or being laughed at by strangers.

What a hideous idea of a joke.

My best friend is paranoid she'll get early onset dementia like both of her parents. A joke like that would really upset as she'd be really worried if he didn't remember someone.

This is going to sound over-dramatic but it is a trope in many myths and fantasy writing that "a named thing is a tamed thing"

In real life some-one who knows your name when you don't know theirs has an advantage over you.

I would complain. It was rude and stupid.

I'd complain to the manager and to Pizza Express nationally.

Playing games at other people's expense is what bullies do. It's totally inappropriate in a work place and it's completely unacceptable to do it to unnerve and unsettle the guests who end up paying your wages.

Maybe if they get sacked with no notice for gross misconduct they'll work out how unpleasant their 'game' is for their victims.

I have Asperger's and I'd be lying awake for nights wondering who on earth the person was, and would be very distressed at yet another social failing.

Gemini I have never been in an abusive relationship.

My husband and I are far too old for this to be an issue but had it happened in my younger and wilder years my husband would not have cared that it might be someone from my past.

I'm 100% sure my husband would believe I did know this man if I said so. In fact I'm 100% sure that even if my husband thought I was lying he would take my word.

And, despite that I would still be furious at this totally unacceptable mind game.As another poster said they are deliberately trying to freak customers out.

I'm 100% sure my husband would believe I did not know this man if I said so

I've played this game at work before, it can be great fun seeing customers get so confused. Everyone In the hospitality industry knows you've got to have a little fun at the customers expense, just don't get caught!
I'd complain if I were you, will teach the waiter a valuable lesson to not be so soft and let the customer in on the workplace fun.

Could you do (the majority of) us a favour BriahnQW and let us know where you work so we can avoid ever going there?

You are an obnoxious idiot. And I don't care I have just breached guidelines on personal attacks.

Oh and by the way "every one in the hospitality industry" is not an obnoxious idiot like you.

Do you think no one here has ever been a waiter, bar person whatever.

Just weird not sure it’s worth complaining about but it’s just plain strange

While I sympathise with people saying that they have Aspergers or have been in abusive relationships, that's not the point.

This is not acceptable behaviour full stop.

This reminds me of recent emails I used to get from Pinterest. I'd get a message with a title like "Sheitgeist and (random person), it's a match!" the message content was that someone else had pinned similar things to me, so we were a 'match'. I was horrified. What utter, thoughtless stupidity. I didn't want messages coming up with 'matches' for me as if I were on a dating site. I have a reasonable DH but imagine a vulnerable woman who doesn't.
that’s not the same at all

@BriahnQW horrible behaviour like yours would get you sacked where I work. You are clearly an idiot and a selfish one to boot.

So we can only complain about things if we have a specific problem such as ASD or DV or are are ''vulnerable' in other ways? Fuck that shit. It doesn't help anyone.

The behaviour of these people was fundamentally wrong. They deserve the sack

So we can only complain about things if we have a specific problem such as ASD or DV or are are ''vulnerable' in other ways? Fuck that shit. It doesn't help anyone

I am not in the least bit vulnerable. I would still complain about this.

The waiter told the OP that the staff did this to freak the customers out.

That alone is unacceptable.

Their actions have other potential consequences of which they may be unaware, but the stated aim of freaking customers out is more than enough reason to complain, and never go back.

I can imagine this scene of it were me and my ex (thank God) narcissistic, gaslighting dickhead. He would NOT have taken that as a joke. At all. He'd have relished yet another reason to argue, imply I was a slut (as are all women). Even if waiter told him it was a joke he'd smile & nod with him and say OK. But when we got home the namecalling, insults would be horrendous.

If complaining, this is the kind of thing I'd make them aware of.

I'd like to think my ex was unique. But having had contact with victim support following our split, and a friend currently going through a very similar thing, sadly Ive discovered there are many women with irrational, unreasonable misogynistic men. The kind of men who can't and won't take a joke of this sort.

Staff just need to be aware, that's all. They spoilt your evening and that's a real shame

Freaky and weird and can't understand how anybody would think that acceptable. Over familiarity is a big mistake. It kind of robs you of basic respect. Would they have done that to your dp? I doubt it.

Picking up from Lass's earlier comment names do have power. I was sexually assaulted as a young teenager by a man who overheard me and my sister walking through a local park and then called to me by name. Being brought up to be polite I went over to him and was then cajoled to leave a busy space for a much quieter one. My children have been taught to yell 'I don't know you' in similar circumstances, but I assume people who saw me back then would have assumed we were friends and not picked up that I was a scared child being lured away from safety (I was lucky and got away before anything too awful happened).

I'd be really uncomfortable to have my name used so obviously by a stranger in what might have been quite a busy place, and I seem to recall that the Suzy Lamplugh trust advises not to wear name tags in public as part of their personal safety advice for similar reasons.

It's always easy to think of the clever thing to say in retrospect but I'd like to think I'd have told the waiter exactly what a stupid game to was playing. Glad you didn't leave a good tip though!