To think this ‘game’ was really inappropriate and to complain?

[TattiusTeddius]

Went out for a meal with DH today at a chain Italian place. The waiter took our order and then when he was finished said “thanks Lucy” (my name). I was as I had no idea who this guy was or how he knew me. DH asked but I said I honestly haven’t got the foggiest, and he joked about are you sure he isn’t a previous conquest (I had a, how would you say, illustrious sexual history pre-DH). The waiter kept on saying my name whenever he served us drinks and courses and I felt really rude that I didn’t know him back but he obviously knew me.

Anyway at the end of the meal when we were paying the bill, he said “Do you want to know how I know you?”. I said yes, clearly a bit embarrassed. Then he said “I don’t!”. He explained how the staff were playing a ‘game’, if someone walked in the restaurant who one of them knew, another waiter or waitress would serve them using their name constantly to freak them out. It turns out my friend’s sister works in the kitchen so passed my name on to the waiter. I kind of did a “oh ha ha ha” but TBH I was a bit appalled.

AIBU to think that this ‘game’ was really inappropriate? What if my DH had been an abusive man who didn’t see the funny side? Luckily he’s not but this is something that would provoke many partners to lash out. Aside from that, it’s just not very professional to do that to customers. WIBU to complain to a manager? DH thinks I’m over reacting 🙄

Or am I just an old stick in the mud?

definitely complain to lcal manager and cc head office, if this does not produce enough grovelling then go to Tripadvisor.
Although DD tells me that twitter is a very effective way of complaining also.

😵 Yes please do complain!
Like you said this could have serious problems for someone if it continues.

This would really, really piss me off. Not because my partner would kick off (he never would but if he did it would be unequivocally his fault and no one else's) but because it's totally obnoxious to make anyone feel wrong footed, let alone doing it deliberately to paying customers out for a treat. Manners are about putting people at ease, and this is the exact opposite - height of rudeness.

I would have said 'that's funny, I'm paying a game too, where I don't tip people who spend their time at work playing games to amuse themselves at my expense.'

I would this, too.

I think it is at best, bad mannered, and at worst dangerous (ifs uni say, you had an insanely jealous/controlling husband).

I would complain to the manager, and point out that they are likely to lose custom if their staff behave like this. TBH, even if you had known him well, when he is at work should behave in a professional manner unless you had been friendly towards him first.).

He is an idiot!

Complain. You are customers. You are not there for the staff's entertainment.

It would make me uncomfortable. I'm bad with names and (lately), faces. I would spend the whole evening worrying that my memory problems were getting worse.

I'd complain also. It's one thing to have an "in joke" between work colleagues but it's another, uncomfortable level to joke at the customer's expense.

I totally get the "what if the partner took exception and thought you were covering up that you "knew" the waiter". Horrifying to thing what the repercussions could be with that.

I would definitely complain. I thought the same about someone with an abusive partner too.

Haven't RTFT yet.....
But to all those saying it's funny, or OP is overreacting...

If that had happened to me when I was with my horrifically abusive ex I would have been beaten black and blue for it, accused of cheating on him, and treated like absolute shit for days and punished and punished for it.

Just think about that for a fucking second....
Someones pathetic game could get someone a fucking beating, or worse.

Complain op.....please.

That's terrible OP. My of my closest friends was in a controlling relationship for years and I dread to think what she would have gone through as a result. Even leaving this very serious issue aside, nobody paying for a night out does so to be the butt of a joke for the waiting staff's amusement. Please report it. Any manager/owner worth his/her salt would want to know about and deal with this.

I'm sorry night out was spoiled. This would have upset me too.

I also have an ex who would have given me endless shit over this. He would have persuaded himself that I was shagging the waiter behind his back. Please do point out to the management that this 'game' could put someone in hospital.

LanaKanes

Actually I don't think anyone has said that.....

I would complain. For some people a game like that would be a really big issue, not just because of jealous partners and anxiety that have already been mentioned but for example my mum had a stroke in her 40's which affected her memory and not recognising people who seem to know her really upsets her.

I'm not one for complaining but that needs to be stopped. I wouldn't necessarily mention which member of staff it was though.

Even if not in an abusive relationship it has the power to ruin an evening.

I am quite face blind and occasionally people recognise me and I have no idea who they are. I’d have spent the entire evening wondering who they were and worrying that it was someone I really should recognise.

Rather than enjoying my rare night out.

not appropriat at all i hav anxiety i wouldnt appreciat it

to all those who’ve been in abusive relationships. My mum was in an abusive relationship when I was a child and I can picture exactly what would have happened had this been her. Her OH would have thought she had cheated o him or lied about sleeping with him and the waiter confirming he did not in fact know her would have done absolutely nothing to put his mind at rest. He’d have strung it out for weeks. Yes that would have been his fault not the waiters, but it shows how little people think outside their own hilarious bubbles

I am going to complain, I’m not going to say that it was my friends sister who knew me though, just ‘another member of staff’.

And yes it was a big chain name that has dough balls in every town or city if you catch my drift

I'd definitely complain. Surely it's against some sort of customer confidentiality, as in you would have the right to be "anonymous" as a customer? (I might be making this up, but I'd certainly be raging if staff would be passing information about me on to each other.)

I remember years ago a friend of mine worked in a bar back home, and he said that it was a general rule (can't remember if it was an unwritten one or an actual one) that bar staff couldn't even say hello to their customers if they ran into them outside the bar, unless the customer acknowledged them first. I thought it was quite cool - I'm a very private person and I would hate if I was out with someone and someone else came up to me saying "hey, didn't you go to X last Friday?" Not that I have anything to hide but I just don't like people knowing my business.

I'd certainly hate to be part of someone's game and not know about it. This would drive me nuts!

I don't think it'd be fair to blame a silly game for domestic abuse. Abusers 'punish' their victims for all sorts of crap and it is no ones fault but the abuser.

Yanbu. They are playing a really stupid game that will be causing many couples upset or embarrassment. You must report this.

This reminds me of recent emails I used to get from Pinterest. I'd get a message with a title like "Sheitgeist and (random person), it's a match!" the message content was that someone else had pinned similar things to me, so we were a 'match'. I was horrified. What utter, thoughtless stupidity. I didn't want messages coming up with 'matches' for me as if I were on a dating site. I have a reasonable DH but imagine a vulnerable woman who doesn't.

I complained. It stopped.

It's unprofessional. And I had a paranoid ex who would have freaked out if they did that to us. Even after the "reveal" I would have got 101 suspicious questions about it on the way home and if he was in the mood for a row, possibly well into the night!

Please complain.

It was inappropriate, juvenile, unprofessional and potentially dangerous for people in abusive relationships.