To think this ‘game’ was really inappropriate and to complain?

[TattiusTeddius]

Went out for a meal with DH today at a chain Italian place. The waiter took our order and then when he was finished said “thanks Lucy” (my name). I was as I had no idea who this guy was or how he knew me. DH asked but I said I honestly haven’t got the foggiest, and he joked about are you sure he isn’t a previous conquest (I had a, how would you say, illustrious sexual history pre-DH). The waiter kept on saying my name whenever he served us drinks and courses and I felt really rude that I didn’t know him back but he obviously knew me.

Anyway at the end of the meal when we were paying the bill, he said “Do you want to know how I know you?”. I said yes, clearly a bit embarrassed. Then he said “I don’t!”. He explained how the staff were playing a ‘game’, if someone walked in the restaurant who one of them knew, another waiter or waitress would serve them using their name constantly to freak them out. It turns out my friend’s sister works in the kitchen so passed my name on to the waiter. I kind of did a “oh ha ha ha” but TBH I was a bit appalled.

AIBU to think that this ‘game’ was really inappropriate? What if my DH had been an abusive man who didn’t see the funny side? Luckily he’s not but this is something that would provoke many partners to lash out. Aside from that, it’s just not very professional to do that to customers. WIBU to complain to a manager? DH thinks I’m over reacting 🙄

Or am I just an old stick in the mud?

gemini69 you asked the question and you had your answer. No. Not all men are abusers. No, men are not assumed to be abusers before anything else. OK?

Made me laugh. But I would have asked first time he said it. He had to ASK you if you wanted to know, you couldn't have been that bothered

Ontherise

that was my point.. I was merely ASKING the question.... because almost every person on here appears to have been involved with an Abusive man... that ia what is stunning to read... why are so many woman involved with Abusive men.... ?

Thank you BearsDon'tDigOnDancing for actually realising I was in fact asking... a QUESTION...

KC225 did you read the post?

Weird- if the friends sister had come out to say hello at some point it would have been much better. It could have ended badly.

Wow, the responses here are shocking.

I would have laughed and wished them luck with their next ‘targets’. Sometimes we have to learn to laugh and enjoy life without over analysing everything. It can get depressing otherwise.

Complain on tripadvisor if u feel you must. Please don’t complain to the manager, the poor sod may lose his job!

I am, asking the Question..... are we to assume that a Man is an Abuser before anything else ?

No but it is a much quoted statistic that 1 in 4 women are in a violent relationship at some point in their lives. Which means that if you do this sort of thing with a number of people then very very quickly you are going to either hit a current domestic violence victim (and so put them at serious risk) or a past victim (and so risk triggering damaging memories).

why are so many woman involved with Abusive men

Surely a better question is why are so many men abusive?
This reminds of people who say “I don’t know why she just doesn’t leave him”

He had to ASK you if you wanted to know, you couldn't have been that bothered

Not necessarily. I have anxiety (have been diagnosed and medicated for it since I was 15), and a terrible memory for names and faces.

If somebody played this game on me I'd spend the whole meal feeling really anxious that I couldn't remember this person and that they must think I am really rude. My embarrassment would then stop me from actually speaking up and asking how they knew me, and the longer it went on, the worse my anxiety would get.

At best I'd make it home before an anxiety/panic attack hit me at worst I'd have one right there in the middle of the restaurant (which would make my anxiety even worse as it takes enough out of me to just go out for dinner in public as it is, not that you'd know it to look at me)

No but it is a much quoted statistic that 1 in 4 women are in a violent relationship at some point in their lives. Which means that if you do this sort of thing with a number of people then very very quickly you are going to either hit a current domestic violence victim and so put them at serious risk) or a past victim (and so risk triggering damaging memories

thank you... I'm shock that so many woman on this Thread have been involved with violent men that would react as such to someone using their name ..

And it would only need to happen once that the husband is an abuser or wildly jealous (or even the woman is wildly jealous) to cause any number of issues in a relationship.

This ^

What if one of the partners has had an affair before, an the other thinks that things have started up again? And it's not just women who suffer when abusive partners get violent - children in the house are terrified and distressed too (I speak as the child of such a relationship. My mother used to dread meeting any of the men she met at work - she worked in a pie shop, lots of regulars - because if anyone said hello to her my father would go off it when they got home (never did anything to any of the blokes, but would lay into my mam).

These might seem extreme examples to many people, but if it even happens once, that is once too often.

TattiusTeddius

you raised the subject OP... I'm merely asking about the situation you allegedly found yourself in....and the danger perceived....

For someone with a mental health issue prone to paranoia or anxiety could be really freaked out by that.

Here we go with the NAMALT...

No, but some men are like that, and playing a juvenile game that makes people uncomfortable at best (and as PP have pointed out - the customer is paying for it) is a pretty dickish way to behave.

I'm shock that so many woman on this Thread have been involved with violent men that would react as such to someone using their name

I'm merely asking about the situation you allegedly found yourself in.

Are you not in the business of believing people Gemini? Judging by these comments it sounds like you’re not.

I think at the rate that men are violent to women, it’s an entirely plausible that someone being abused would be part of the waiters’ ‘game’.

If there was a service charge, I hope you refused to pay it, OP. I would have.

Gemini you're not new to this site. You know full well there are plenty of women here in abusive relationships. Merely asking the op about the situation she allegedly found herself in is pushing the limit

I’d complain. Idiotic thing to do which makes the customer likely to have a worse experience. Not exactly what the customer is paying for is it?!

.

@TattiusTeddius this kind of behaviour would resulted in me getting a sever third degree with physical retribution too. Shockingly unprofessional behaviour. I hope Pizza Expresssack the ignorant sods who think this is a healthy way to spend their shift!

your manipulating my posts.... that's not appropriate either

@Gemini69 you are being deliberately disingenuous.

I'm trying to understand... but apparently asking questions...is not appropriate....

Gemini ask away. Just do it respectfully. If you’ve never been abused in a relationship it’s entirely possible that you can’t understand how intelligent, strong, self-respecting women find themselves there.

We don’t either.
It’s like the frog in the boiling water situation.

But I was with someone who would’ve made my life hell if a random man had insinuated he knew me and I ‘denied’ it.

I’m obviously not with him now. But it’s not black and white.

Please. Be respectful, even if you don’t understand. If you don’t, you are very lucky.

.. I'm shock that so many woman on this Thread have been involved with violent men that would react as such to someone using their name

I always find this shock baffling. You are really in shock that some men are abusive to women, or that those women can read and type or that they are on here? Which bit is shocking exactly? Gemini it has been 20 years since i was last in an abusive relationship, but i can still remember the fear of something setting him off.

OP It sounds like they have dough balls for staff too......

I'm pleased it is a big chain actually as they will have much more to lose if this goes viral so hopefully will come down hard on the staff and the manager of the actual place.