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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dispute with Neighbours

344 replies

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 11:24

I'm hoping you can you tell me if I'm being unreasonable or not. This is going to be a long thread, so thank you if you manage to read all of this.

Our small garden backs on to the back of other houses and is divided with a 5 foot high wall. Along the top of the wall grows ivy and other plants and gives our gardens more privacy of another 2 feet or so. There is also a tree from another garden which gives a bit more privacy.

However, we can still partially see the bathroom window of the garden behind us and we often see people going to the toilet. Sometimes these people are naked, but as their glass is a bit frosted we can't see everything in detail. We have noticed people staring at us from that window and on two occasions a naked man has waved at my daughter from that window. I didn't complain because If I complained about everything weird or antisocial that happened in our neighbourhood I'd be on the phone every day. I have complained to the police before about drugs, violence and racial hatred, very extreme things. My daughter comes inside the house if she sees anyone at the window.

So, a year after my daughter we saw a naked man at the window she wrote on our shed wall in chalk 'Put Some Clothes on You Weirdo'. We left it there. The tree and plants have now grown more, so the neighbours wouldn't have been able to see it, until last week.

Last week I came home to find all the plants and ivy hacked down and hanging into my garden. My garden was a mess. Yesterday I went to try and put it back up and immediately the neighbour came to his bathroom window (without clothes) and started aggressively telling me I have to remove all the plants because it would make the wall fall down. The wall is at least 120 years old and shows no signs at all of falling down, it's in perfect condition, I told him this and he said I have to get someone to come and cut it down. He also said "You need to scrub the message off your wall, because you can get done for that". He said the message was obviously aimed at them.

My question is, do I have to remove the plants which give us more privacy? And do I have to remove any chalk messages on our shed wall? I don't think I do, but I'm hoping you can give me more advice on this or if I need to do anything.

I doubt very much that the neighbours care about their landlord's wall. Their garden is a tip filled with beer cans and cigarette ends and they spend their summers playing loud aggressive music, fighting and swearing. Just to give you some idea of what they're like.

Thanks for your help.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 12/11/2017 13:15

There is nothing wrong with being naked in its self.

LostForNow · 12/11/2017 13:15

A 10 year old should know to respect others privacy and not stare into neighbours houses.

Coconutspongexo · 12/11/2017 13:17

You’re looking at him too, are you aware of that. I doubt you can see he is completely naked.

Being naked in your own house doesn’t make you a weirdo. If someone stared through my window at me when I was naked I’d wave too, to make them feel uncomfortable.

notanurse2017 · 12/11/2017 13:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Backingvocals · 12/11/2017 13:25

Like I said if I could take a pic I would! In my situation it’s a shower. I think it’s a shower over a bath so the guy steps up into the bath and is precisely at eye level with my daughters bedroom window. Her desk is right n front of the window - before anyone tells me to reorganise the room it’s a box room so this is the only possible configuration. He’s actually visible from every window at the back of my house - kitchen, landing, dd bedroom...

I’m only posting to empathise with the OP as lots of people find this impossible to imagine. I find it only too easy !

And as a heads up for everyone - if you have slightly bobbly glass you are completely visible! Other neighbour has proper frosting so you can see human shapes but not a complete eyeful !

My bathroom window is obviously equally visible to them but I have a blind as I don’t need to be flashing the neighbours unwittingly or otherwise.

notanurse2017 · 12/11/2017 13:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 13:27

Waving at children whilst naked from your window does make you a weirdo. People get arrested for it. Why do you doubt that he was completely naked? Weird.

He can only see the sign because he destroyed the privacy between the gardens. He only assumes the sign is for him because he is a naked weirdo.

OP posts:
tumblrpigeon · 12/11/2017 13:27

If the glass is frosted his do you know for sure that the neighbour is naked?

Can you see his body below the waist ?
Or just the top half ?

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 13:28

He's probably really angry and annoyed that we don't go into the garden much anymore.

OP posts:
notanurse2017 · 12/11/2017 13:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

InfiniteSheldon · 12/11/2017 13:28

I think op has received some robust replies because if the chalk writing which puts her and her daughter in, at minimum, a less defensible position and atbworse in he wrong. It also means her behaviour and judgement is questionable so predisposes posters to assume she is bu

notanurse2017 · 12/11/2017 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 13:29

We can see half of the bum approximately.

OP posts:
NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 13:32

We haven't seen him for ages because the plants and tree were obscuring the window. Now we have to see the naked bum when we go into the garden because he removed the privacy. He doesn't want privacy obviously.

OP posts:
Thiscantreallybehappening · 12/11/2017 13:33

I would plant either bamboos or laurels on your side. They will give you very good screening and both are evergreen. Our bamboos grew very quickly, it will take a couple of years until they reach the required height but you will get some screening very soon. Bamboos can be kept from taking over your garden with depth but you still have the height.

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 13:33

Because he's a naked weirdo. My daughter was correct with her sign and I'm leaving it there.

OP posts:
Xeneth88 · 12/11/2017 13:33

RainbowsAndCrystals

This ^

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 13:36

I'm going to put up a bamboo screen and cover it in the ivy and other plants which are already growing. I'm not taking down nice plants and replacing them with others.

I'm not going to put up any more signs or write anything else on our own property as it's obviously not allowed. Being a naked weirdo pervert is allowed. Making a sign about it isn't????

OP posts:
tumblrpigeon · 12/11/2017 13:36

Halfway down his bum ?

So not his penis ?

What is the issue here ?

If a neighbour looked up and saw me at my window I'd probably wave too.

No matter how faint the chalk writing is , I think you are completely out of order for condoning your daughter 's message .

Calling someone a weirdo for being naked inside his own home is pretty unpleasant

Coconutspongexo · 12/11/2017 13:36

Why have you posted this thread Hmm you actually sound quite immature.

Quartz2208 · 12/11/2017 13:36

Am I missing something as being naked in your own house is not that weird.

Your obsession with it and nastiness towards him is

Coconutspongexo · 12/11/2017 13:37

How is he a pervert? Fucking hell.

Xeneth88 · 12/11/2017 13:37

You and your daughter need to stop staring at this guys bathroom, stop writing ridiculous messages and stop being over dramatic.

Naked man in house, waves sarcastically at annoying staring kid. Hardly police or rude sign worthy. Grow up OP

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 13:38

Notnurse - I think you are confused.

Rainbows and Xeneth - I think you are also confused.

OP posts:
Xeneth88 · 12/11/2017 13:40

Nope not at all confused. You're on some warpath for something you're completely wrong about.

People have every right to be naked in there own home ffs. You need to tell you daughter to stop staring at this man while he goes about his business in his own home.