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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dispute with Neighbours

344 replies

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 11:24

I'm hoping you can you tell me if I'm being unreasonable or not. This is going to be a long thread, so thank you if you manage to read all of this.

Our small garden backs on to the back of other houses and is divided with a 5 foot high wall. Along the top of the wall grows ivy and other plants and gives our gardens more privacy of another 2 feet or so. There is also a tree from another garden which gives a bit more privacy.

However, we can still partially see the bathroom window of the garden behind us and we often see people going to the toilet. Sometimes these people are naked, but as their glass is a bit frosted we can't see everything in detail. We have noticed people staring at us from that window and on two occasions a naked man has waved at my daughter from that window. I didn't complain because If I complained about everything weird or antisocial that happened in our neighbourhood I'd be on the phone every day. I have complained to the police before about drugs, violence and racial hatred, very extreme things. My daughter comes inside the house if she sees anyone at the window.

So, a year after my daughter we saw a naked man at the window she wrote on our shed wall in chalk 'Put Some Clothes on You Weirdo'. We left it there. The tree and plants have now grown more, so the neighbours wouldn't have been able to see it, until last week.

Last week I came home to find all the plants and ivy hacked down and hanging into my garden. My garden was a mess. Yesterday I went to try and put it back up and immediately the neighbour came to his bathroom window (without clothes) and started aggressively telling me I have to remove all the plants because it would make the wall fall down. The wall is at least 120 years old and shows no signs at all of falling down, it's in perfect condition, I told him this and he said I have to get someone to come and cut it down. He also said "You need to scrub the message off your wall, because you can get done for that". He said the message was obviously aimed at them.

My question is, do I have to remove the plants which give us more privacy? And do I have to remove any chalk messages on our shed wall? I don't think I do, but I'm hoping you can give me more advice on this or if I need to do anything.

I doubt very much that the neighbours care about their landlord's wall. Their garden is a tip filled with beer cans and cigarette ends and they spend their summers playing loud aggressive music, fighting and swearing. Just to give you some idea of what they're like.

Thanks for your help.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 12/11/2017 12:52

apologies if I missed it, but are you looking down into his bathroom?

I look down into my neighbours but I wouldn't be able to see what he was wearing on his lower half.

IamPickleRick · 12/11/2017 12:53

I don't think people are saying that a hypothetical sex offender waving his bits at children or neighbours is ok, I think people are questioning if this man in this particular situation is just going about his business on the toilet and if the OP (instead of going to the police) insisting on keeping up a childish sign is the proper and correct way to handle things.

SuperLoveFuzz · 12/11/2017 12:53

Maybe the neighbour is waving to make a point that he can see your daughter looking into his window. Surely the solution would be to just not look at their window?

Backingvocals · 12/11/2017 12:53

If it wasn’t a crime in itself I would take a photo to show you all what we see every day. Full frontal. Of course it’s normal to be naked in a bathroom but if you think you can be seen by anyone without even trying you do something about it. I obviously have a blind in my bathroom.

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 12:54

I'm not looking down. I have looked up from our garden when I've seen someone at the window,

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 12/11/2017 12:55

How big can his windows be if you can see him full frontal?! Most (not all before someone jumps on me) bathroom windows are smaller.

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 12:56

The solution for the last year or two has been to not look at the window and let the plants grow. It hasn't been an issue until now that he hacked the plants down and complained about them.

The problems is solved with a screen. Thanks everyone, especially those who gave good advice.

OP posts:
NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 12:57

I can see from head to half way down bottom approximately.

OP posts:
RainbowsAndCrystals · 12/11/2017 12:59

So if I put a big sign up in my garden thatonly my neighbour could see and it said

  • YOU'RE A FAT UGLY WOMAN

She should only be offended by that if she's fat and ugly? Otherwise it's ok.

From what it sounds like ... you and your daughter constantly perv on your naked neighbour. He retaliated by waving to embarrass her for staring.

She then wrote that sign, made the situation worse and then he got offended and cut down the plants,

Then you bitch and moan. You antagonised the entire situation - well done.

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 13:04

Rainbows - what????

Its a small sign written in very thin chalk and nearly washed away. I'm surprised he can see it at all. He's obviously been looking very hard to see it.

If someone wrote on their shed wall 'YOU'RE A BIG FAT UGLY WOMAN', I wouldn't think the message was for me at all, only the WOMAN part applies.

OP posts:
NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 13:06

My daughter wasn't perving on anyone. She's a 10 year old girl who should be able to go into her garden without there being a naked man at the end of it. If the naked man had acted normally in his bathroom and not waved at her she'd never have written that on the wall.

OP posts:
AtomHeart · 12/11/2017 13:07

He is definitely a weirdo!

LIZS · 12/11/2017 13:08

Just how often does this coincidence if your dd being in the garden and neighbour at the bathroom window occur? Just put up a higher plant/fence and find something else to worry about.

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 13:09

He should get a blind for his window and stop waving at children from it if he doesn't want people to think he's a naked weirdo.

OP posts:
RainbowsAndCrystals · 12/11/2017 13:10

You can't put up a sign that's clearly directed at someone and be like oh well you should only be offended if you are what's written.

Ugly/fat/weirdo are all words open to interpretation.

You need to teach your daughter better ways of handling things than writing pathetic signs.

If he did openly expose himself to her then you should have safe guarded her by contacting the police.

If he didn't then she should stop staring at him.

LostForNow · 12/11/2017 13:12

Can you define naked?

I'm guessing you can only see a blurry top half of the man? OR is he insanely tall/have a very low window?

So you are considering calling the police on your neighbour because your daughter has seen his naked chest twice through a blurry window when she was looking into his bathroom?

DontTouchTheMoustache · 12/11/2017 13:12

Sorry op but it sounds more like you need to have a chat with your daughter about looking into his window. He is perfectly entitled to be naked in his own bathroom. How long was your daughter staring for him to notice it and wave (which sounds more like a sarcastic wave to make a point than anything else). You say your daughter regularly updates you about what they are doing which means she is spending too much time watching them, she is invading their privacy and then wrote a rude not on the shed. If he has seen her staring at her it is fairly reasonable to assume it is aimed at him and for him to be annoyed as i would be mortified.

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 13:12

We haven't seen the naked man very often lately because we don't go in the garden much or look at the window. In the past we saw him naked at least 10 times and he waved twice. I saw him starring at least twice.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 12/11/2017 13:13

Being naked in your own bathroom does not make you a weirdo.

He shouldn't have waved but I think you are exaggerating about how much you can see. Esp when you originally said you can see in partially and it's frosted.

Most people w

bettytaghetti · 12/11/2017 13:13

Can't believe how many shitty responses you've had here OP. Nobody wants a view of naked neighbours from the back of their house or gardens, surely?!
It's not a particularly inexpensive option but you could plant a pleached hedge at the end of your garden. It will take a little while to become fully established, but does look fantastic and has the advantage of not taking up too much depth in the garden so you can still plant underneath as not too much shade. Using something like hornbeam, as it gets more mature and denser, it will hold on to the old leaves for longer until they are pushed off by the new growth in the spring. If you google 'pleached hedge' images you'll see what I mean.
This option would have the advantage of it being planted on your side of the wall so the neighbour couldn't touch it, whereas if you affix some sort of trellis to that wall and it does turn out to belong to the neighbour, then they might get shitty (again) and demand it's taken down.
Good luck!

Nicknacky · 12/11/2017 13:13

Most people with frosted windows don't have blinds.

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 13:14

Naked means without any clothes. My daughter answered that one for you.

OP posts:
OooohHorlicks · 12/11/2017 13:14

Sheesh what is wrong with people? I wouldn't want to sit in my garden making a conscious effort every day not to look at the neighbours very visibly sitting down for a shit in their bathroom.

The OP didn't complain, she created a screen so it wouldn't be an issue. The neighbours pulled it down and from what OP has written they're not the type to be actively concerned about the state of the wall.

Having a go at a 10 year-old girl seems misplaced to me.

OP I've no advice other than to say I sympathise and you've been unlucky with the responses today. It's not a situation I'd want to be in either. If it were me I'd just look at putting up a giant bamboo screen or similar on my side of the garden, away from the wall and keeping it maintained so that it doesn't encroach into their garden.

Nicknacky · 12/11/2017 13:14

What on earth do you mean by starring?! Give the man some privacy and stop starring in!

LostForNow · 12/11/2017 13:15

But how can you see he is completely naked?

Is he tall? Is the window low?

Basically I'm saying you can't have seen anything more than his chest- no penis and balls?