Dispute with Neighbours

[NameChanger22]

I'm hoping you can you tell me if I'm being unreasonable or not. This is going to be a long thread, so thank you if you manage to read all of this.

Our small garden backs on to the back of other houses and is divided with a 5 foot high wall. Along the top of the wall grows ivy and other plants and gives our gardens more privacy of another 2 feet or so. There is also a tree from another garden which gives a bit more privacy.

However, we can still partially see the bathroom window of the garden behind us and we often see people going to the toilet. Sometimes these people are naked, but as their glass is a bit frosted we can't see everything in detail. We have noticed people staring at us from that window and on two occasions a naked man has waved at my daughter from that window. I didn't complain because If I complained about everything weird or antisocial that happened in our neighbourhood I'd be on the phone every day. I have complained to the police before about drugs, violence and racial hatred, very extreme things. My daughter comes inside the house if she sees anyone at the window.

So, a year after my daughter we saw a naked man at the window she wrote on our shed wall in chalk 'Put Some Clothes on You Weirdo'. We left it there. The tree and plants have now grown more, so the neighbours wouldn't have been able to see it, until last week.

Last week I came home to find all the plants and ivy hacked down and hanging into my garden. My garden was a mess. Yesterday I went to try and put it back up and immediately the neighbour came to his bathroom window (without clothes) and started aggressively telling me I have to remove all the plants because it would make the wall fall down. The wall is at least 120 years old and shows no signs at all of falling down, it's in perfect condition, I told him this and he said I have to get someone to come and cut it down. He also said "You need to scrub the message off your wall, because you can get done for that". He said the message was obviously aimed at them.

My question is, do I have to remove the plants which give us more privacy? And do I have to remove any chalk messages on our shed wall? I don't think I do, but I'm hoping you can give me more advice on this or if I need to do anything.

I doubt very much that the neighbours care about their landlord's wall. Their garden is a tip filled with beer cans and cigarette ends and they spend their summers playing loud aggressive music, fighting and swearing. Just to give you some idea of what they're like.

Thanks for your help.

I think the sign was a bad move, why do that instead of just calling the police?

It could now look like you've been watching and targeting him. Behave properly, put a higher fence up and phone the police about the waving.

If I caught my neighbours kid staring at me I would wave- in a sort of sarky I can see you staring way.

I didn't write the message. My daughter did.

*Stop perving on your neighbours you weirdo.

Your and your daughter sound like peeping Toms.*

I''ll assume you are joking with this.

The message wasn't abusive. It's small and they only reason they would assume it was aimed at them was if they were guilty of being weirdos.

Brilliant response by your daughter - that deserves a treat for sure.

He seems to be deliberately flashing your daughter/you. I don't know how you stand legally but if you can't see him it solves the problem.

I can suggest this lovely screening plant, griselina littoralis

We inherited one and had no idea what it was but it's evergreen and grows like the clappers. Don't believe that 30cm per year, ours has added at least 90 cm since last ummer when it was trimmed level with the fence.

I would've go with the trellises too. Then plant whatever you like to grow up them.

I've waved at my neighbours when they've been staring in my window when I've had no clothes on! I'm not flashing myself. I don't expect the fucking weirdos to act like peeping Toms.

We you staring at them. Going to the toilet with a frosted window sounds normal!

I probably should have called the police, and I often have called them for more serious things that happen in my area. A naked man waving from his own bathroom window seemed less important than the other things that happen here.

When I called the police because of a woman yelling racial hatred for hours on end plus threats being made (not towards me) the police did come out but told me I was the only neighbour to have complained about it and made me feel like I was wasting their time.

I just wonder what purpose the sign serves, that going to the police doesn't?

So she wrote a message for them but that was too small/faint for them to read until they took down the overgrowth. Maybe as they weren't in the house at the time they now feel offended for maintaining the garden, as may well be expected under the lease. How low are the windowsills that you can see more than a top half? Do you use blinds?

I have never stared at them. Believe me, they are not the kind of people that you look at for more than a second or two.

But maybe he waved because he thought you were staring at him. What window are you at when he does this?

Blinds for what?

on two occasions a naked man has waved at my daughter from that window.

Your daughter's response was very polite compared to what my reaction would have been if a naked man deliberately exposed himself like that to me or my dc!
Contacting the police would have been on the top of my list.
His behavior is akin to the 'low level sexual harassment' we women have to put up/deal with our whole lives because we get conditioned into accepting it as 'no big deal'.

OP, his behavior then - and now - is no 'accident'.
I wonder how often he exposes himself like that to children?
Take photographs of your wall/plants as they are currently, just in case he decides to do some damage himself and try blaming it on you/your plants.
I recommend you also log it with the police and contact your local PCSO.
Especially as now he's made sure that there is a clear view so he can continue invading your privacy at home and exposing himself to children.
Perverts (?paedophiles) don't like being 'caught out' and he sounds like the type to escalate his behavior now that his 'victims' have stood up to him.

Leave the writing on the wall, if anything i'd go over it and freshen it up!
He IS a disgusting pervert who gets a kick out of exposing himself to children - i doubt he'd have waved at an adult in the same situation

He didn't wave at me, he waved at my 10 year old daughter. I have never stared at him. I do see that there is a naked man, because you can't miss it, but I instantly look away. Not a pretty sight.

police to report indecent behaviour against a minor.

Misconception there you cannot have any sign up in your garden as there are laws

Aka you cannot have a sign up saying offensive things aka stuff like death to n word or holocaust should of been better etc (both of these signs i had to deal with as clients thought they were entilted to such things) thankfully they are not and had to tell cilents they had to be removed.

Blinds for your bathroom/toilet windows. If privacy is important to you and you can see them then surely in reverse you would use blinds. You would only see a figure clearly through obscured glass if the light was on.

Put up some trellis and grow some more plants and just ignore your neighbours.

Thanks Heebie - that is more of the response I was expecting.

Next time I see anything weird I will report it.

In them meantime I'm going to go and buy a very high screen.

Thanks everyone for your help. I've been feeling a bit jittery about all this and didn't know how unreasonable I was being about the plants.

We have curtains and blinds at all our windows. Our windows are not the issue here.

There is nothing offensive written on the wall. It's a faint chalk message written by a child, not aimed at any group of people. Only a weirdo would be offended by it.

If you look on your deeds, the plan will show if you own the wall. It won't be written. If thrre are T marks on your side of the boundary it is yours. You may need to download tbe neighbours deeds too, from the Land Registry, to see if they have T marks if you don't.

As I know from bitter experience, sometimes the only solution is to put another fence in front. The highest it can be is 6 foot 6. Then vrow plants on your side. You can get some very tall bamboo ( get a clumping variety or it goes mad) Willow also gets very tall.

Rub the message off though. Why stoop to his level? You are being petty leaving it there. You need to pick your battles.

Get a Russian vine and trail it to your tree. They grow fast. I wouldn’t want to keep any destructive plants on your wall so keep ivy off and Russian vine too, put trellis up

I wouldn’t be impressed with that message as it’s inflammatory plus you shouldn’t be looking but perhaps just send them a letter explaining you can see them and suspect they don’t realise so for privacy perhaps they’d like to get a blind - copy it so you’ve got proof you’ve sent it then it it continues or gets worse as if your local community officer can have a quiet word - but I’d remote that message as part of this thread made me think you’re being unreasonable

There is nothing offensive written on the wall. It's a faint chalk message written by a child, not aimed at any group of people. Only a weirdo would be offended by it

But your daughter wrote it with the intent of one particular person to see it. You've said it can be clearly seen by the neighbour you are aiming it at.

They are entitled to cut back any growth that's coming over into their garden.

And how big is the bathroom window? A full length one? Or are you only seeing his top half? Is he exposing his penis to you and your daughter?

Our neighbour has his bathroom window overlooking our back garden. He has patterned windows. You can see when they are in there but only when the light is on and you can't make out anything other than shapes.