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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dispute with Neighbours

344 replies

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 11:24

I'm hoping you can you tell me if I'm being unreasonable or not. This is going to be a long thread, so thank you if you manage to read all of this.

Our small garden backs on to the back of other houses and is divided with a 5 foot high wall. Along the top of the wall grows ivy and other plants and gives our gardens more privacy of another 2 feet or so. There is also a tree from another garden which gives a bit more privacy.

However, we can still partially see the bathroom window of the garden behind us and we often see people going to the toilet. Sometimes these people are naked, but as their glass is a bit frosted we can't see everything in detail. We have noticed people staring at us from that window and on two occasions a naked man has waved at my daughter from that window. I didn't complain because If I complained about everything weird or antisocial that happened in our neighbourhood I'd be on the phone every day. I have complained to the police before about drugs, violence and racial hatred, very extreme things. My daughter comes inside the house if she sees anyone at the window.

So, a year after my daughter we saw a naked man at the window she wrote on our shed wall in chalk 'Put Some Clothes on You Weirdo'. We left it there. The tree and plants have now grown more, so the neighbours wouldn't have been able to see it, until last week.

Last week I came home to find all the plants and ivy hacked down and hanging into my garden. My garden was a mess. Yesterday I went to try and put it back up and immediately the neighbour came to his bathroom window (without clothes) and started aggressively telling me I have to remove all the plants because it would make the wall fall down. The wall is at least 120 years old and shows no signs at all of falling down, it's in perfect condition, I told him this and he said I have to get someone to come and cut it down. He also said "You need to scrub the message off your wall, because you can get done for that". He said the message was obviously aimed at them.

My question is, do I have to remove the plants which give us more privacy? And do I have to remove any chalk messages on our shed wall? I don't think I do, but I'm hoping you can give me more advice on this or if I need to do anything.

I doubt very much that the neighbours care about their landlord's wall. Their garden is a tip filled with beer cans and cigarette ends and they spend their summers playing loud aggressive music, fighting and swearing. Just to give you some idea of what they're like.

Thanks for your help.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 13/11/2017 04:07

In your op you said they spend their time “fighting and swearing”. You therefore know he’s aggressive, don’t you? The message was extremely unwise. You should be teaching your dd to keep herself safe and not antagonise aggressive bullies.

LakieLady · 13/11/2017 07:32

I guess we all pull the curtains to get changed if eg our bedroom overlooks the road?

Nope, if people in my street are so desperate for a glimpse of my tits that they looking skywards and with their necks bent towards my house, they're welcome.

LakieLady · 13/11/2017 07:53

He is often staring into our garden from the window, which I find creepy. He is always naked when he goes to the toilet.

Or, he is standing at one of his back windows aimlessly gazing out or deep in thought/wondering what the weather will do/wishing he could be arsed to clear up the mess in his garden. All perfectly normal, and not at all creepy. (Christ, if staring out of your window is creepy I'm amazed no-one's come knocking at my door, I spend ages looking at the view from my window.)

And as for "He is always naked when he goes to the toilet" - are you actually monitoring his toilet habits. ffs?

I'm sorry, but you're starting to sound like the weird one here.

ohbigdaddio · 13/11/2017 08:16

I have been on the other side of this situation. Moved into new flat and had a knock from our downstairs neighbour saying she could see the previous couple through the bathroom window very clearly from her garden so she was just letting me know. (It was slightly bobbly/frosted glass but not enough to hide naked features!) She had let previous couple know but they didnt see fit to get a blind.

My neighbour was very lovely about it all and my instant reaction was to get some window screening film and a blind. I would have been mortified thinking people could see me naked!

Of course it's natural to be naked in your bathroom but surely any normal person would want some privacy?

Coconutspongexo · 13/11/2017 08:42

I don’t believe for one minute you can see past this mans waist - it’s unusual for bathroom windows to be that big.

He’s probably walking around topless.

dubmumof2 · 13/11/2017 08:58

Mumsnet can be a very odd place sometimes...Of course people have a right to be naked in their own home. However, how many of you would consider it acceptable for your OHs or DSs, realising while naked that a 10 year old neighbour child can see them, to wave and not take steps to ensure that it wouldn't happen again! ? !
OP the wall issue is tricky...I think the screen/trellis option on your side is probably the best way to go...
And definitely report to the police if he waves again!

Grumpyfrog · 13/11/2017 09:23

And definitely report to the police if he waves again!

For what offence?

GabsAlot · 13/11/2017 09:52

999 whats your emergency?

a man is waving at me
-sorry i dont undrstand
hes waving at me from his bathroom!

please do not waste time calling this number is for life or death help

festivefucker · 13/11/2017 10:17

If this poor man is so innocently going about his business ( while being naked !) .
How come he removed all the plants giving him privacy?.
Seems odd to me ?

PiffleandWiffle · 13/11/2017 10:25

Hi OP, for what it's worth, I don't think you're the batshit one on this thread!!

There are some right freaks posting today, must be a full moon or something.

Funnily enough there's another thread running where the posters are almost unanimous in agreeing that the OP is right to be creeped out by a fully clothed man in a public space - maybe some of the freaky deaky brigade from here should wander over to protect him!!

PiffleandWiffle · 13/11/2017 10:27

a man is waving at me
-sorry i dont undrstand
hes waving at me from his bathroom!

Or - a naked man has attracted my daughters attention by waving & is attempting to engage her in conversation. I can only see one hand.....

Gotta be worth a punt on 101 at least!!

justilou1 · 13/11/2017 11:16

I think your neighbour is as dodgy AF and your daughter sounds awesome. You are not being unreasonable putting up a trellis so you and your daughter can avoid being subjected to views of Ugly Naked Man.

There are a lot of people on this board with comprehension issues. OP. Do what you think is best. Sounds like you have it all in hand.

Grumpyfrog · 13/11/2017 11:24

Or - a naked man has attracted my daughters attention by waving & is attempting to engage her in conversation. I can only see one hand

Even if that was what happened (it isn't read the thread) what crime has been committed?

Coconutspongexo · 13/11/2017 11:29

Not sure how a lot of people have comprehension issues on this thread Hmm

PiffleandWiffle · 13/11/2017 13:24

Not sure how a lot of people have comprehension issues on this thread

Cha-Ching!! Grin

Coconutspongexo · 13/11/2017 13:27

Piffle if you’re insinuating I have the comprehension issues you might want to read your posts.

The neighbour isn’t trying to engage in a conversation with OPs daughter yet you’ve said he is... I wouldn’t worry about my comprehension.

Motherbear26 · 13/11/2017 14:11

I’d be extremely concerned about this. And I’d be bloody glad that I’d raised my daughter to not tolerate entitled men drawing attention to their nudity (although I accept that it probably isn’t a criminal offence, it surely isn’t normal behaviour). Obviously I’m a complete prude but I actually would make a call to the non-emergency police line to asks their opinion re the etiquette of a naked grown man waving out of their window at a primary school aged girl. And I’d definitely invest in some sort of fencing/trellis so you can use your garden in peace. Yanbu, and I honestly think I must live in some sort of a parallel universe to some of the posters on this thread.

Ladymadness · 13/11/2017 14:59

Op you are definitely not the Bashir one on this post. I would be concerned as well that a naked man is in his window looking into your garden especially as he waved at your 10 year old whilst he was naked. Get the trellis up so he can't see into your garden and so you cannot see him.
There seems to be allot of nasty ignorant people posting today and saying the op is delusional or needs mental help is a horrible and disgusting way of trying to belittle the op.

Ladymadness · 13/11/2017 15:00

Batshit not Bashir lol

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