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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dispute with Neighbours

344 replies

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 11:24

I'm hoping you can you tell me if I'm being unreasonable or not. This is going to be a long thread, so thank you if you manage to read all of this.

Our small garden backs on to the back of other houses and is divided with a 5 foot high wall. Along the top of the wall grows ivy and other plants and gives our gardens more privacy of another 2 feet or so. There is also a tree from another garden which gives a bit more privacy.

However, we can still partially see the bathroom window of the garden behind us and we often see people going to the toilet. Sometimes these people are naked, but as their glass is a bit frosted we can't see everything in detail. We have noticed people staring at us from that window and on two occasions a naked man has waved at my daughter from that window. I didn't complain because If I complained about everything weird or antisocial that happened in our neighbourhood I'd be on the phone every day. I have complained to the police before about drugs, violence and racial hatred, very extreme things. My daughter comes inside the house if she sees anyone at the window.

So, a year after my daughter we saw a naked man at the window she wrote on our shed wall in chalk 'Put Some Clothes on You Weirdo'. We left it there. The tree and plants have now grown more, so the neighbours wouldn't have been able to see it, until last week.

Last week I came home to find all the plants and ivy hacked down and hanging into my garden. My garden was a mess. Yesterday I went to try and put it back up and immediately the neighbour came to his bathroom window (without clothes) and started aggressively telling me I have to remove all the plants because it would make the wall fall down. The wall is at least 120 years old and shows no signs at all of falling down, it's in perfect condition, I told him this and he said I have to get someone to come and cut it down. He also said "You need to scrub the message off your wall, because you can get done for that". He said the message was obviously aimed at them.

My question is, do I have to remove the plants which give us more privacy? And do I have to remove any chalk messages on our shed wall? I don't think I do, but I'm hoping you can give me more advice on this or if I need to do anything.

I doubt very much that the neighbours care about their landlord's wall. Their garden is a tip filled with beer cans and cigarette ends and they spend their summers playing loud aggressive music, fighting and swearing. Just to give you some idea of what they're like.

Thanks for your help.

OP posts:
Fattymcfaterson · 12/11/2017 12:30

Stop looking in there windows!!!

SilverSpot · 12/11/2017 12:32

You sounds crazy.

All you can see is a fuzzy flesh coloured human shape moving around in the bathroom.

Get a fucking grip.

Allthewaves · 12/11/2017 12:33

Window is frosted. Lots of people walk around naked upstairs, it's really not a huge issue.

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 12:34

We can see them in the day as well as the night. I tend not to look up often anymore and just ignore the window. I've told my daughter to do the same in the past.

I'm going to remove the 'you weirdo' part of the message and leave the 'Put some clothes on' part. Nothing offensive about that. Only a weirdo would be offended by the 'weirdo' part, but since he is a weirdo I can see why he's offended.

OP posts:
Backingvocals · 12/11/2017 12:34

We have this problem. Neighbours to the back are about 25 ft away and their shower is right in front of the window. No curtain - just slightly bobbly glass. Often they have the window open Shock They are completely visible in the shower. Their window is right opposite my 11 yo daughter’s bedroom window.

I have shouted to them to get a curtain. They ignore me. They do know they are visible but don’t care or are happy to intimidate.

I haven’t gone to the police but I think that would be my next step.

InfiniteSheldon · 12/11/2017 12:35

I'm sorry but I also think yabu and a bit of a nightmare grow trees put trellising up if you want more privacy it's a bathroom window and it's frosted stop staring in it or go around politely and ask them to put a blind up but your child sounds extremely unpleasant and you backing her up isn't doing her any favours

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 12:37

It's not that fuzzy a window.

It's not crazy to want privacy for myself and my daughter. I don't want to get yelled at by a naked man on a Saturday morning because I grew some plants to hide the ugly naked man. It's not crazy to want a nice garden with plants in it. It's not crazy to ask advice on Mumsnet about what do about a minor problem.

As far as I'm concerned now I'm solving the problem with a high screen on top of the wall so we don't have to engage with horrible, creepy neighbours.

I have a grip, thanks for your kind words.

OP posts:
OldWitch00 · 12/11/2017 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 12:38

My child is not unpleasant at all. She's lovely. Some days Mumsnet isn't the nicest place.

OP posts:
NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 12:39

She didn't write perv. Can some posters please read the thread before offering their 'advice'. Thanks.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 12/11/2017 12:42

When he had a go at you, you say he was naked. Could you see his bits? I would definitely speak to the police if this is the case.

Nicknacky · 12/11/2017 12:43

Surely it's only his top half that can be seen?

BaronessBomburst · 12/11/2017 12:43

I think that a 10 year recognising a flasher as a perv and a weirdo is a healthy situation.
I'd be more worried if she thought it was a normal behaviour or was afraid to speak up.

BluePancakes · 12/11/2017 12:44

You are in the wrong, I'm afraid.
There's nothing wrong with someone being naked in a bathroom.
There's nothing wrong with someone being naked in their house.*
Incidentally, there's nothing wrong with someone being naked in public.

*The only exception, as others have said, is if the person is purposely committing a sex act knowing it can be seen, or if they are purposely pressing their genitals up against the windows in order to alarm or distress.

Behaving 'normally' (ie as they would when clothed) when naked, is not a crime.

RedHelenB · 12/11/2017 12:45

Why was she looking at him? I would expect people to be naked in a bathroom so I think her message is weird?

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 12:45

The only reason a neighbour would assume a small, faint message (written in chalk by a child, in someone else's garden, 20 meters from his house, written a year ago) was aimed at him would be if he was in fact a naked weirdo.

I'm getting a screen and leaving the message, he won't be able to see it. The only reason he can see it is because he destroyed the privacy between our gardens. Why did he care about destroying the privacy between our gardens? It isn't because he cares about gardens or walls. His garden is a complete and utter dump.

OP posts:
NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 12:45

And it's not even his garden, it's his landlord's garden.

OP posts:
Mymycherrypie · 12/11/2017 12:46

If they have removed any branches of a tree that is yours and hanging over their side, I understand that putting the removed stuff back is pretty standard.

The put some clothes on sign, I just don't get. The guy is taking a crap in his own house and his neighbours are watching him enough to feel the need to publicly suggest he needs to put some clothes on. Sadly for you he can wear what he wants in his own house. He could equally write a sign to you that says "stop farting in bed" or "stop picking your nose".

Coconutspongexo · 12/11/2017 12:46

People can write whatever response they want.

How can you see through a frosted window properly? I don’t think he is flashing anyone I think he’s using his bathroom and the waving is probably to stop your daughter looking.

Quartz2208 · 12/11/2017 12:47

It's like ugly naked guy from friends! There is nothing wrong with being naked in your bathroom with a frosted window

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 12:47

My daughter points out all weird behaviour to me. She's better at spotting it than I am. She's got great morals and very strong sense of justice. Just the way she should be.

OP posts:
StealthNinjaMum · 12/11/2017 12:47

He is a weirdo. I had that kind of frosted glass on the bathrooms in my last house and I can imagine the sort of outline my neighbours (50 feet away) might see so I wouldn't dream of being naked without a blind being down - never mind waving at a child! It would be forgivable if it was a genuine accident but this wasn't.

I can't believe people don't think this is more serious - would they really be happy with their aggressive neighbour waving at their children - while obviously naked? I would definitely go to the police.

Nicknacky · 12/11/2017 12:49

Op, you haven't answered if his genitials can be seen? He is doing nothing wrong in his own bathroom. I can see into my neighbours and they also have frosted glass but I accept they are doing what they naturally do in a bath room.

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 12:49

The window isn't that frosted. I've just been to check - it's more like a small pattern on it. We can seen half of someone's bum - I guess. I don't look for more than a split second usually.

I think they should have a blind, but they don't. But I'm not bothered about them being naked in their own house. I was bothered about the man waving when he was naked.

OP posts:
NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 12:52

It seems posters are divided on this.

Which is why I have had asked for advice, I can see both sides too.

OP posts:
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