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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dispute with Neighbours

344 replies

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 11:24

I'm hoping you can you tell me if I'm being unreasonable or not. This is going to be a long thread, so thank you if you manage to read all of this.

Our small garden backs on to the back of other houses and is divided with a 5 foot high wall. Along the top of the wall grows ivy and other plants and gives our gardens more privacy of another 2 feet or so. There is also a tree from another garden which gives a bit more privacy.

However, we can still partially see the bathroom window of the garden behind us and we often see people going to the toilet. Sometimes these people are naked, but as their glass is a bit frosted we can't see everything in detail. We have noticed people staring at us from that window and on two occasions a naked man has waved at my daughter from that window. I didn't complain because If I complained about everything weird or antisocial that happened in our neighbourhood I'd be on the phone every day. I have complained to the police before about drugs, violence and racial hatred, very extreme things. My daughter comes inside the house if she sees anyone at the window.

So, a year after my daughter we saw a naked man at the window she wrote on our shed wall in chalk 'Put Some Clothes on You Weirdo'. We left it there. The tree and plants have now grown more, so the neighbours wouldn't have been able to see it, until last week.

Last week I came home to find all the plants and ivy hacked down and hanging into my garden. My garden was a mess. Yesterday I went to try and put it back up and immediately the neighbour came to his bathroom window (without clothes) and started aggressively telling me I have to remove all the plants because it would make the wall fall down. The wall is at least 120 years old and shows no signs at all of falling down, it's in perfect condition, I told him this and he said I have to get someone to come and cut it down. He also said "You need to scrub the message off your wall, because you can get done for that". He said the message was obviously aimed at them.

My question is, do I have to remove the plants which give us more privacy? And do I have to remove any chalk messages on our shed wall? I don't think I do, but I'm hoping you can give me more advice on this or if I need to do anything.

I doubt very much that the neighbours care about their landlord's wall. Their garden is a tip filled with beer cans and cigarette ends and they spend their summers playing loud aggressive music, fighting and swearing. Just to give you some idea of what they're like.

Thanks for your help.

OP posts:
Whizbang · 12/11/2017 22:18

Even funnier!

RainbowsAndCrystals · 12/11/2017 22:19

Your story changes constantly. You exaggerate it in the hopes of people saying YANBU.

Then when your poor parenting skills come into question then you down play it.

Then if anyone disagrees with you they either don't understand or have a learning disability.

EmilyChambers79 · 12/11/2017 22:20

I didn't write the comment on the shed. The comment could have been for anyone in our garden. He assumed it was about him

But you said your daughter wrote it about him? So he isn't wrong to think it's about him is he?

If you think he's purposely doing it because he wants you to see half of his bottom, why haven't you called the Police?

RainbowsAndCrystals · 12/11/2017 22:21

Nooooo I haven't said anything to her in private lol!

Oh ok sorry I must have missed your comments.

I just made the assumption that maybe you had privately messaged her advice, my bad Smile

Nicknacky · 12/11/2017 22:22

rainbows It's cool just didn't want people to think I was involved privately in this madness lol.

DavetheCat2001 · 12/11/2017 22:22

Also OP I thought you said about 3 pages up that you were done with this thread and would be hiding it? Hmm

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 22:23

I presume you mean he had an erection? I never said that, I never even thought that.

I think a lot of wires have been crossed on this thread.

It was good to get the opinion of a police officer on here, very helpful. I never accused the man of criminal activity. I never said I would call the police. I don't want to call them. Davethecat was suggesting it and I explained that I had already spoken to you and accepted myself that nothing criminal had happened. I don't think messing up someone's garden and hacking down their plants is criminal, I do think it's rude.

OP posts:
NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 22:24

I was going to hide the thread, but then I got bored and decided to keep going.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 12/11/2017 22:24

Well you did say he was clearly enjoying it so how else did you come to that conclusion?

Aridane · 12/11/2017 22:25

So just to sum up all your kind, helpful words - I'm passive aggressive, unhinged, paranoid, a bad mother, bad neighour, immature, in need of medical intervention, a bitch, aggressive, rude.

Anything else you want to add?

I think that’s a fair summary, sorry

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 22:27

I'm not trolling my own thread. This was something I was feeling a bit worried about today. I haven't exactly been reassured but I have learnt lots of very negative things about myself from complete strangers, which is always good (sarcasm intended).

OP posts:
NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 22:29

Don't forget hairy handed prat Aridane.

OP posts:
Xeneth88 · 12/11/2017 22:30

Maybe try netmums? More your style.

RainbowsAndCrystals · 12/11/2017 22:30

I don't think messing up someone's garden and hacking down their plants is criminal, I do think it's rude.

He didn't cut down your plants though.

EmilyChambers79 · 12/11/2017 22:31

I'm so confused. If he likes people seeing him naked and likes waving at children while naked, why didn't you report him?

You say you are saving your complaints for bigger things, what is bigger than you implying someone is trying to get children involved and looking at him naked?

And if he enjoys it so much, why is he doing it behind a frosted window? You say he stands there waving but you can only see half a bum cheek.

Is it a full length window?

LoopyLou1981 · 12/11/2017 22:31

You didn’t know he was aggressive until today? ...
I thought you said he’s been drunk and shouting in his garden before now? Did that not give you the idea that he might be agressive?

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 22:37

I'm so confused. If he likes people seeing him naked and likes waving at children while naked, why didn't you report him? I didn't see it happen, I had a second hand account. He only waved. I can't phone the police because a naked man waved can I?

You didn’t know he was aggressive until today? ...
I thought you said he’s been drunk and shouting in his garden before now? Did that not give you the idea that he might be agressive?
Drunken people are usually shouty. He hasn't been aggressive towards me before.

He didn't cut down your plants though. He did. He kind of hacked them off his side and shoved them over and some of them were cut down.

Maybe try netmums? More your style. Nah, not for me, too young and bright and pink. I'm far to old for it.

OP posts:
NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 22:38

The window isn't full length but it is quite long.

OP posts:
NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 22:40

I'm too tired now. Lovely talking to all of you. Please remember Mumsnet guidelines when you continue to insult me and imply I'm not being honest/trolling etc when I'm not here.

OP posts:
RainbowsAndCrystals · 12/11/2017 22:42

Says the one who got her own comments deleted?

You really are deluded darling.

DavetheCat2001 · 12/11/2017 22:51

`i don't imagine this thread will be here much longer anyway..

Sayyouwill · 12/11/2017 22:52

Didn’t you say they weren’t your plants? Didn’t you say they were a neighbours? Christ this thread is getting more ridiculous.

On a side note, we all keep saying that frosted glass does distort the images for those looking in, but there is no way he would be able to look through frosted glass and see your garden in detail. He would see a large green squarey blob, and your daughter will appear as a small, colourful, moving blob.

Arkestra · 12/11/2017 22:53

As someone who hasn't been arsed to weigh in yet, my sympathies are way more with NameChanged than the people piling onto her.

NameChanged, for what it's worth I'd remove the DD's message because it gives SATBOG (shit-head-at-bottom-of-garden) a reason to interact with y'all and clearly that's a bad idea. Yes, he's a nob, but practically speaking you are not conceding any important ground by doing this. Better to just put up a screen and ignore further attempts at communication. SATBOG will find some other avenue for his idiocy and you can get on with your life.

EmilyChambers79 · 12/11/2017 22:58

I didn't see it happen, I had a second hand account. He only waved. I can't phone the police because a naked man waved can I

So you didn't see him wave? Is your daughter even sure he waved? You could have called the Police if he is deliberately leaning naked out of windows and waving to get children's attention and cutting down plants so people can see him naked.

He did. He kind of hacked them off his side and shoved them over and some of them were cut down

Which he is entitled to do if your plants are growing over his side of the wall. And if the plants are not planted on your side, then they are not yours anyway.

Is it wrong I want to see a pic of the window?!

BoneyBackJefferson · 12/11/2017 23:09

I would really like to know if you don't see him that often, and you only know of one event (that has been "elaborated" on), and the tree covers half of the window, how do you know so much about what he is doing in his own bathroom without actually going to look?