Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dispute with Neighbours

344 replies

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 11:24

I'm hoping you can you tell me if I'm being unreasonable or not. This is going to be a long thread, so thank you if you manage to read all of this.

Our small garden backs on to the back of other houses and is divided with a 5 foot high wall. Along the top of the wall grows ivy and other plants and gives our gardens more privacy of another 2 feet or so. There is also a tree from another garden which gives a bit more privacy.

However, we can still partially see the bathroom window of the garden behind us and we often see people going to the toilet. Sometimes these people are naked, but as their glass is a bit frosted we can't see everything in detail. We have noticed people staring at us from that window and on two occasions a naked man has waved at my daughter from that window. I didn't complain because If I complained about everything weird or antisocial that happened in our neighbourhood I'd be on the phone every day. I have complained to the police before about drugs, violence and racial hatred, very extreme things. My daughter comes inside the house if she sees anyone at the window.

So, a year after my daughter we saw a naked man at the window she wrote on our shed wall in chalk 'Put Some Clothes on You Weirdo'. We left it there. The tree and plants have now grown more, so the neighbours wouldn't have been able to see it, until last week.

Last week I came home to find all the plants and ivy hacked down and hanging into my garden. My garden was a mess. Yesterday I went to try and put it back up and immediately the neighbour came to his bathroom window (without clothes) and started aggressively telling me I have to remove all the plants because it would make the wall fall down. The wall is at least 120 years old and shows no signs at all of falling down, it's in perfect condition, I told him this and he said I have to get someone to come and cut it down. He also said "You need to scrub the message off your wall, because you can get done for that". He said the message was obviously aimed at them.

My question is, do I have to remove the plants which give us more privacy? And do I have to remove any chalk messages on our shed wall? I don't think I do, but I'm hoping you can give me more advice on this or if I need to do anything.

I doubt very much that the neighbours care about their landlord's wall. Their garden is a tip filled with beer cans and cigarette ends and they spend their summers playing loud aggressive music, fighting and swearing. Just to give you some idea of what they're like.

Thanks for your help.

OP posts:
NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 13:40

We don't stare at the man's house. We mostly stay inside now. Is that acceptable?

I didn't call the police. I just solved the problem with plants and staying indoors. Until the naked man decided to remove the plants.

OP posts:
EmilyChambers79 · 12/11/2017 13:41

And it's not even his garden, it's his landlord's garden

Except he pays rent and lives there, so yes, it's very much his garden.

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 13:42

We don't stare at the house. We stay indoors and let the plants obscure the creepy window. Well, we did, until the man decided to make it a bigger issue and pretended he was worried about the landlord's wall.

OP posts:
StealthNinjaMum · 12/11/2017 13:43

Maybe I'm a prude but the thing that makes this weird is that he knows you can see him naked so waves and cuts down plants that give HIM privacy. I can understand why he would be angry at the sign but still wouldn't most people be embarrassed? And are there any women in the house wandering around topless?

Reminds me of a comedy moment recently when dh was unusually at home as the window cleaners came. We both needed the toilet at the same time and even though we have frosted glass windows that are quite high up we both rushed to the one toilet that they couldn't reach (in the attic) for privacy!

So I would ask the police and if they tell you you're being unreasonable then you have your answer.

Xeneth88 · 12/11/2017 13:43

Call the police, let them see your abusive sign and tell them what you've said here. Go on, please. There reaction would be priceless. Grin

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 13:44

The man doesn't give two hoots about the garden or the wall. He does care about destroying privacy between the gardens. Surely that tells you something?

Anyway, I'm off now to buy some trellis before B&Q closes. Have a nice Sunday.

OP posts:
NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 13:45

The sign is only offensive to naked weirdos, since there are no naked weirdos there can be no offence.

OP posts:
LIZS · 12/11/2017 13:45

If it isn't your wall you can't use it support your trellis.

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 13:46

There are no woman in his house - no surprises there.

OP posts:
Oldraver · 12/11/2017 13:46

How big can his windows be if you can see him full frontal?! Most (not all before someone jumps on me) bathroom windows are smaller.

Most of the people I know that live in Victorian terraces have bathrooms that were once a bedroom, and a lot the windows go almost to the ground

RainbowsAndCrystals · 12/11/2017 13:46

Imagine if it was the other way around and your daughter was naked in her own bathroom (shocking I know) and he was in his garden staring at her. Staring at her long enough for her to wave at him twice.

He then puts up a sign in his garden saying - put some clothes on you little weirdo.

But that's ok Smile

LisaMed1 · 12/11/2017 13:47

One of the flats nearby has long frosted windows and I can tell when they wipe iyswim

What I am getting from this is the neighbour is saying..

HOW DARE YOU BLOCK MY ABILITY TO BE LEGALLY NAKED IN FRONT OF YOUR 10 YEAR OLD! HOW DARE YOU BLOCK MY ABILITY TO HARASS YOU IN YOUR OWN GARDEN!

I don't give the screen a long life, to be honest. If he didn't want you to look, he wouldn't be waving and shouting and he would be putting up blinds.

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 13:47

I can't put trellis at the end of my own garden? Whatever next. I'm not entitled to privacy then? I don't believe this is true for a minute.

OP posts:
LIZS · 12/11/2017 13:48

You can but you need to use fence posts unless it is your wall.

LisaMed1 · 12/11/2017 13:48

Also, if he was upset at being seen during normal bodily functions, he wouldn't have taken down the plants.

HOW DARE YOU BLOCK OUT HIS FUZZILY PRESENTED NAKED BODY SO THAT YOUR 10 YEAR OLD CAN'T SEE IT!

EmilyChambers79 · 12/11/2017 13:48

So to summarise.

Neighbour was naked in his bathroom. You and daughter were staring. He then waved. Your daughter then wrote him a message saying get dressed you weirdo, you think he's only being offended because he's a weirdo and that your daughter didn't intend the message for him (though she did but it suits better if you say it was just a general message)

He then cut back your overgrowing plants, saw the message and got a bit funny with you, you think he was in the wrong for being naked in his bathroom.

You also think as he only rents, it's not actually his garden, therefore he can't enjoy or do anything in there. You also think he is a pervert and a freak for being naked in his bathroom.

And you think he's unreasonable?

I'm confused. Why didn't you go roind, knock on and say, "sorry, this is a bit awkward but any chance you could a blind or similar for the bathroom as we can see your naked chest and half of your bottom and we find this inappropriate"

Why start writing messages on the fence to him that you then claim are not directed at him but actually are?!

RainbowsAndCrystals · 12/11/2017 13:49

There are no woman in his house - no surprises there.

Oh whys that?

I'm assuming from your posts as you haven't mentioned a partners reaction that you too are single?

So it's ok to judge someone for being single when you know nothing of his circumstances?

LakieLady · 12/11/2017 13:49

How low down does the window go? Can you actually see his cock?
It's perfectly reasonable to be naked in your own bathroom (in fact, I can't see how it's avoidable).

He's in rented property, and his tenancy may not permit him to do things like putting up a blind (it is very common for tenancies to have a clause that forbids drilling holes or fixing things to walls). He can't change the glass in the window for something that is more obscure.

Otoh, you can do what you like to your windows and draw your curtains or lower your blinds if you don't want to see your neighbour. You can plant tall, fast growing, evergreen plants (eg, honeysuckle Halliana) along the bottom boundary of your garden.

I don't see that your neighbour is doing anything wrong and I think your daughter's message was rude and uncalled for.

YABU.

Mandalorian · 12/11/2017 13:52

Frosted glass is not a coverall. I recall DS's rather ample chested GF going for a shower one day whilst we were all at the far end of the garden having a BBQ. Bathroom glass is frosted. Every single detail was visible.
After that incident I never walk around our bathroom naked without having the blind down.

RainbowsAndCrystals · 12/11/2017 13:52

Why start writing messages on the fence to him that you then claim are not directed at him but actually are?!

My entire point exactly.

You should demonstrate to your daughter how to be civilised and approach the situation like an adult.

If you felt it was something more sinister then you clearly didn't protect your daughter.

Letting her write that pathetic sign made this situation worse and now you have to deal with this for as long as you and your neighbour remain living there.

LisaMed1 · 12/11/2017 13:53

LakieLady the OP already planted to hide the 'view' but the neighbour pulled it down. As the rest of the garden is neglected then there was no obvious reason to pull the plants down - except to make sure that the 'view' was no longer hidden.

FUNM · 12/11/2017 13:59

Police and leilandi :)

FUNM · 12/11/2017 14:00

@Mandalorian poor woman, did yu tell her afterwards? Do you laugh about it at family gatherings or did they split up??

Mandalorian · 12/11/2017 14:03

@FUNM DS shot up the stairs light lightning and told her, but none of us had realised we were 'that' visible through the frosted glass until that incident.
They did split up eventually, she was a nice girl though who fortunately saw the funny side.

LakieLady · 12/11/2017 14:04

Yes, Lisa, but with ivy on brick wall, that can damage the mortar and ultimately bring the wall down.

An evergreen honeysuckle or star jasmine, growing on trellis affixed to posts set into the ground inside the wall would be fine, although he would still be within his rights to cut back any foliage that overhung the wall.

And he possibly didn't realise that the obscure glass in his bathroom obscured very little until after he'd cut down the ivy.