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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dispute with Neighbours

344 replies

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 11:24

I'm hoping you can you tell me if I'm being unreasonable or not. This is going to be a long thread, so thank you if you manage to read all of this.

Our small garden backs on to the back of other houses and is divided with a 5 foot high wall. Along the top of the wall grows ivy and other plants and gives our gardens more privacy of another 2 feet or so. There is also a tree from another garden which gives a bit more privacy.

However, we can still partially see the bathroom window of the garden behind us and we often see people going to the toilet. Sometimes these people are naked, but as their glass is a bit frosted we can't see everything in detail. We have noticed people staring at us from that window and on two occasions a naked man has waved at my daughter from that window. I didn't complain because If I complained about everything weird or antisocial that happened in our neighbourhood I'd be on the phone every day. I have complained to the police before about drugs, violence and racial hatred, very extreme things. My daughter comes inside the house if she sees anyone at the window.

So, a year after my daughter we saw a naked man at the window she wrote on our shed wall in chalk 'Put Some Clothes on You Weirdo'. We left it there. The tree and plants have now grown more, so the neighbours wouldn't have been able to see it, until last week.

Last week I came home to find all the plants and ivy hacked down and hanging into my garden. My garden was a mess. Yesterday I went to try and put it back up and immediately the neighbour came to his bathroom window (without clothes) and started aggressively telling me I have to remove all the plants because it would make the wall fall down. The wall is at least 120 years old and shows no signs at all of falling down, it's in perfect condition, I told him this and he said I have to get someone to come and cut it down. He also said "You need to scrub the message off your wall, because you can get done for that". He said the message was obviously aimed at them.

My question is, do I have to remove the plants which give us more privacy? And do I have to remove any chalk messages on our shed wall? I don't think I do, but I'm hoping you can give me more advice on this or if I need to do anything.

I doubt very much that the neighbours care about their landlord's wall. Their garden is a tip filled with beer cans and cigarette ends and they spend their summers playing loud aggressive music, fighting and swearing. Just to give you some idea of what they're like.

Thanks for your help.

OP posts:
Rachie1973 · 12/11/2017 21:20

NameChanger22 Where did I say pervert?

NameChanger22 Being a naked weirdo pervert is allowed. Making a sign about it isn't????

There ya go

ThisTimeItsTrue · 12/11/2017 21:20

He is often staring into our garden from the window, which I find creepy

It's very normal behaviour to look out of your windows. I stare out of mine all the time. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I do it when I'm daydreaming or when I'm thinking deeply. I do it when I'm watching the birds and when I can see the neighbours cat crapping in my flower bed. I think NOT gazing out of your windows is odder than gazing out of them.

You mention that you have small gardens so I imagine it would be impossible for him to look out his window without looking into your garden.

I'm also fascinated about the chalk that lasts a year.

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 21:33

It is creepy to have a naked man looking at you from their window. A lot of women would find it creepy. But it only bothered me a little bit and I ignored it. I look out of my window, but not naked and I don't stare down at people whilst naked.

OP posts:
NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 21:34

The chalk is hardly visible now, it's mostly washed off. He would have needed to look very hard to see it. The roof of the shed has protected the wall from the rain a bit.

OP posts:
NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 21:36

My apologies for calling a weird man 'pervert'. I was being too extreme. I only know that he's nasty, aggressive, creepy and weird for sure. He may or may not be a pervert. My mistake.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 12/11/2017 21:36

So why have you never ever reported it to the police or his landlord if this creepy naked pervert is constantly staring at you?

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 21:40

Not constantly, just from time to time I've noticed him. I haven't been in the garden much this summer because of all the loud music and swearing and drunkenness. I tend to ignore most problems and hope they go away. Most of the time they do. I try to complain about things as little as possible. I live in an area with lots of social problems and I have to save my complaints for the big stuff.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 12/11/2017 21:42

So then accept he is just using his bathroom in the normal way!

Regardless if it was constant, or other problems in the area, if you actually thought this guy was up to no good you would have reported him.

Jeezo this is hard work.

DavetheCat2001 · 12/11/2017 21:43

Ok, I'll bite.

So if this man is as you say:
aggressive/nasty/thuggish/perverted/weird etc etc, would you really think that letting your 10 year old daughter write a goady, passive aggressive message on a wall is a good idea? Would you not think that you are, maybe, ratcheting up the tension and potential trouble with this man, and could actually be putting yourself and your DD in possible danger? If the area is as rough as you also say, might there not be the possibility of further trouble with friends/family of supposed weirdo' escalating?

The last thing I'd be wanting to do is ramp it up. I'd phone the non-emergency police number and take some advice.

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 21:51

The message was written when our gardens were more obscured by the plants and the man wouldn't have been able to see it until he pulled down the plants. It was written by my daughter, we had a little chuckle about it and then it was forgotten about for a year or so. I didn't know the man is aggressive until now, the only thing I knew about him before this weekend was that he likes other people seeing him naked and that he had waved at my daughter whilst naked and that he likes looking at people whilst naked. I also know he likes drinking and swearing and playing loud music. I've only just found out he's aggressive and he doesn't like plants.

I'm hoping nothing else happens. I've spoken to a police office on this thread and she/he seems to think I have nothing to worry about and no laws have been broken, and that only I am being unreasonable. Unless something else happens I don't think I need to bother the police.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 12/11/2017 21:55

Are you referring to me as the police officer?

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 21:55

If I ignore him, things can't escalate can they?

OP posts:
NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 21:56

Yes, Nickynacky. Are you?

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 12/11/2017 21:56

Yes I am but you are completely twisting what I said to suit your narrative.

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 22:00

What have I twisted?

OP posts:
NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 22:05

I've noticed a lot of mean, untrue stuff that was said about me upthread has now been deleted by Mumsnet HQ. Thanks Mumsnet.

OP posts:
Xeneth88 · 12/11/2017 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 22:08

You are entitled to your opinion Xeneth. Hairy handed prat - I'll add that to the list of insults.

OP posts:
NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 22:10

The poor bloke -ha ha ha. You haven't met him.

OP posts:
Xeneth88 · 12/11/2017 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Nicknacky · 12/11/2017 22:11

I clearly explained to you that being naked, in a bathroom is not an offence. It's not an offence to be conducting normal business in your own house then someone looks in and sees you naked. Unfortunate but not a crime.

Then you "elaborated" (my word, not yours) and by that point, he is staring, chapping, repeatedly there and clearly enjoying it. And by that I presume you mean he had an erection? And I told you I would contact the police in your position.

Then you minimised again, to defend why you HADNT reported it to anyone.

I made no comment as to his unreasonableness and certainly never told you not to worry. I did tell you that you were unreasonable though.

Whizbang · 12/11/2017 22:13

Hahahaha. It's priceless that you are now quoting Nicknacky as your police source in support of your arguments when they have been patiently explaining what a weirdo you are being. Highly entertaining thread this (although it's making me paranoid about the frosted glass in my bathroom)

RainbowsAndCrystals · 12/11/2017 22:16

You're so deluded that you need to twist what Nicknacky said to you in private.

If she was kind enough to offer you advice then why twist what she said?

Nicknacky · 12/11/2017 22:17

Noooooo I haven't said anything to her in private lol!

All my comments are on this thread.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 12/11/2017 22:17

Ahem. Weren't your posts deleted too?