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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dispute with Neighbours

344 replies

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 11:24

I'm hoping you can you tell me if I'm being unreasonable or not. This is going to be a long thread, so thank you if you manage to read all of this.

Our small garden backs on to the back of other houses and is divided with a 5 foot high wall. Along the top of the wall grows ivy and other plants and gives our gardens more privacy of another 2 feet or so. There is also a tree from another garden which gives a bit more privacy.

However, we can still partially see the bathroom window of the garden behind us and we often see people going to the toilet. Sometimes these people are naked, but as their glass is a bit frosted we can't see everything in detail. We have noticed people staring at us from that window and on two occasions a naked man has waved at my daughter from that window. I didn't complain because If I complained about everything weird or antisocial that happened in our neighbourhood I'd be on the phone every day. I have complained to the police before about drugs, violence and racial hatred, very extreme things. My daughter comes inside the house if she sees anyone at the window.

So, a year after my daughter we saw a naked man at the window she wrote on our shed wall in chalk 'Put Some Clothes on You Weirdo'. We left it there. The tree and plants have now grown more, so the neighbours wouldn't have been able to see it, until last week.

Last week I came home to find all the plants and ivy hacked down and hanging into my garden. My garden was a mess. Yesterday I went to try and put it back up and immediately the neighbour came to his bathroom window (without clothes) and started aggressively telling me I have to remove all the plants because it would make the wall fall down. The wall is at least 120 years old and shows no signs at all of falling down, it's in perfect condition, I told him this and he said I have to get someone to come and cut it down. He also said "You need to scrub the message off your wall, because you can get done for that". He said the message was obviously aimed at them.

My question is, do I have to remove the plants which give us more privacy? And do I have to remove any chalk messages on our shed wall? I don't think I do, but I'm hoping you can give me more advice on this or if I need to do anything.

I doubt very much that the neighbours care about their landlord's wall. Their garden is a tip filled with beer cans and cigarette ends and they spend their summers playing loud aggressive music, fighting and swearing. Just to give you some idea of what they're like.

Thanks for your help.

OP posts:
SD1978 · 12/11/2017 20:36

I agree that you need to see about some kind of trellising or plants that will instruct your view- it’s unfair that you don’t seem too comfortable using your garden because if a poorly frosted window. I do feel your daughters use of the word weirdo and you defending it with only a weirdo would take offence to he use of the word a bit silly and reaching. So if someone wrote your daughter was a weirdo at school, where she could read it, she wouldn’t care? I find that hard to believe. I hope you can find out who the land lord is- naked man seems to be upping his intimidation- and I doubt that the landlord has authorised the ivy removal- seems strange that he’s suddenly ripp d down half of it. It seems (currently) whilst he’s given a few passive aggressive baked waves to your daughter, he hasn’t escalated his behaviour too much- but I would not be happy that he was acknowledging my daughter whilst naked, even if he has the ‘right’ to be naked. I’d say that you need to put the screening up ASAP and therefore take away what sad little power naked waver thinks he has.

Nicknacky · 12/11/2017 20:37

say I will start by saying that I dry my hair at my dressing table which is in front of my window (has a big mirror which conceals me) and I usually am naked as I get hot. If someone starred hard enough, the could possibly see part of me. I'm not a predator, I'm in my own house and committing no offences by being naked in it.

So my opinion is that no, he's not a predator based on the info. He will probably have no idea he can be seen as he cant see into the bathroom from the op's viewpoint.

And I have no hesitation in locking up perverts, I do it more often the I wish I had too.

My neighbours also possibly think frosted glass conceals them but I can see them in a similar way to the op sees her neighbour.

Then she adds in the rubbish about how he chaps the window etc, just to make it sound worse......

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 20:38

I don't think I'm paranoid - because I'm not paranoid. I'm fine thanks. I feel very well. I've had a slight neighbour problem this weekend, that is all. Thanks for all your help in pointing out I don't have a neighbour problem, but I do in fact have a serious mental health condition (sarcasm intended)

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 12/11/2017 20:38

to nicknicaky

whats th law regarding frosted windows and messages on walls

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 20:39

The extreme stuff happened ages ago - going back a few years. The police weren't bothered about the racial hatred, but they were bothered about the drugs and violence.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 12/11/2017 20:41

There is no law about frosted windows.

And if you stretched the law as far as it would go the writing could be considered a breach of the peace (I'm in Scotland, so whatever the equivilent is in England) but that really really is stretching it, especially when written by a child.

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 20:44

Are there laws about naked men attracting the attending of children from their windows? If not, then I don't have a neighbour problem at all.

OP posts:
NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 20:45

*attention

OP posts:
Sayyouwill · 12/11/2017 20:45

Thanks @Nicknacky Flowers

Nicknacky · 12/11/2017 20:47

There isn't a specific law that covers that as it would be impossible to pass laws for every eventuality. The overall circumstances would dictate what offence was committed. Particularly when I strongly doubt he chapped the window, but you now maintain he did.

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 20:48

Nickynaky - if a naked man was knocking and waving at your child from his window, what would you do? Would you immediately seek medical help for your mental health condition?

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 12/11/2017 20:48

NameChanger22

Pure guesswork

Pretty much like the weirdo and pervert posts

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 20:49

He did, sorry if you don't believe me, you don't have to.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 12/11/2017 20:51

If I thought for a second a sex offender was trying to entice my child I would phone the police. But you didn't so what's the point of your question?

Rachie1973 · 12/11/2017 20:52

NameChanger22 I think you might need to see a doctor, and maybe get some counselling for your learning disability

Well that explains why your daughter is so rude.

She takes after you.

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 20:52

Some posters think I should have called the police and I was a bad mother because I didn't.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 12/11/2017 20:54

So this happened, what, 2 years ago? But conveniently only find out during this thread that he got her attention?

GabsAlot · 12/11/2017 20:55

its coz a year later youre calling someone a weirdo perv but at the time did nothing

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 21:02

It happened about a year ago. I have no idea if he was trying to entice my child or not as I didn't see it. He is often staring into our garden from the window, which I find creepy. He is always naked when he goes to the toilet. I don't know if its all innocent or not.

I hadn't given the man much thought until this weekend. I'd avoiding looking at the window and ignored him for some time and told my daughter to do the same.

I don't know if he's innocent or guilty. My instinct says not innocent, but what do I know?

OP posts:
Coconutspongexo · 12/11/2017 21:03

Probably shouldn’t be throwing about the word pervert about him then if you don’t really have a clue what happened.

Nicknacky · 12/11/2017 21:04

Stop staring at the man when he is doing a pee!

It's not difficult not to look, stop looking.

NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 21:06

Where did I say pervert? I may have done, please point it out to me.

I don't look at his window, but I do notice a creepy man staring at me from it from time to time. Is it wrong to notice?

OP posts:
NameChanger22 · 12/11/2017 21:09

It's hard to not notice naked people when you're in your garden with your child. We usually go inside.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 12/11/2017 21:13

13.36 you called him a pervert.

DavetheCat2001 · 12/11/2017 21:19

Does anybody really believe this post is for real?

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