To ask how you'd respond to your FIL making an unannounced speech at your wedding?

[quickopinionsplease]

As per the title really

So there you are at your wedding breakfast, formal affair, it's speech time.

You all know the running order, you're all a bit nervous because you've been working on your speech.

And then in the middle of it all, FIL stands up to make a speech. You aren't sure what's going on.

He hasn't told you about this, hasn't checked if it's ok or run it past you.

How do you feel about this?

I'd love it. My FIL is the bomb.

Reading this thread reminds me of how White British Mumsnet is.

Other cultures love a speech, every man and his dog get up at Caribbean and Afrian weddings

Asian weddings don't seem to really do speeches, but make up for it by taking 10000000000000 photos!

Assuming his intentions were good, I'd be delighted. My father died before I was married but the second dance at our reception with FiL was very special.

How lovely, it’s a big day for him too!
My MIL made an impromptu speech at my wedding too, my husband was cringing hoping she didn’t embarrass him too much

Speeches are also my favourite part of weddings, you should have worried less about timings and relaxed and enjoyed the lovely welcome to the family

I'd have taken the stick out of my arse and seen it for the nice gesture it was.

And I'd realise that it's a wedding, not a military operation. Who cares if the timings go a little askew? They do at pretty much every wedding in the history of mankind because you cannot control every iota of anything which may happen.

I am really surprised that anyone would be anything other than pleased about this unless it was a particularly long speech

I would be really irritated especially if it was my FIL who makes everything all about him. If it was pre written he should have asked you beforehand- it’s your day.

Also I have never been to a wedding where the FOG made a speech. I can’t believe some people are suggesting that ywbu to not ask him - it is not traditional or standard to ask the FOG to speak!!

Because it’s AIBU there are posters just waiting to pile in and tell you YABU. If you’d posted as your FIL asking if you were U to make an unplanned speech at your sons wedding they’d be telling you you were U too.

Personally I think it was rude of him not to ask you especially as he clearly knew you might no appreciate it. It was YOUR and your DHs day, not his.

My mother made an impromptu speech at my brother ‘s wedding. As a surprise. My brother and SIL were really moved, and welled up.

The traditional structure of speeches at white English weddings is such a load of sexist crock. The trad etiquette is that the groom makes a speech and finishes by thanking and toasting the bridesmaids. The best man’s speech is, traditionally and as official etiquette, a reply on behalf of the bridesmaids. Yes, a man speaking on behalf of women.

Weddings are essentially a party and are best celebrated with inclusive joy and relaxation. And let’s hear from more bridesmaids, mothers of bride and groom, etc.

There's a running order? I never knew that. Anyone could speak at my wedding & I've been at weddings where everyone was actively invited to speak.

it is not traditional or standard to ask the FOG to speak

It absolutely is traditional where I'm from, and I'm from the UK. Presumably this is another regional thing? In any case, I don't think it's really possible to declare something traditional or not when there is no indication of the background of the people involved.

It would annoy me if it was a controlling/attention seeking thing, rather than him just wanting to say a few nice words. My DF (divorced from DM) did a speech at Dsis' wedding, so my DM thought she should make a speech "to keep it fair" She was very firmly told not to.

If it was a nice speech then no problem. Nasty speech? Arsehole.

Its a roll your eyes and move on thing. Maybe tease him mercilessly about it at every future occasion if he can take it.

People don't have much info to go on OP ! Don't be surprised if the extrapolate.

I would have felt honoured that he cared enough to want to say something, and ashamed that I’d made him afraid to ask. Poor chap.

I was going to say I'd be fine if the speech was kind/nice and assume it well intended but then I read:

He said he didn't ask us about it in case we said no

You could be in for a fun ride with him in the future.

I'd have liked it if he'd made a speech too. It's everyone's day as far as I'm concerned.

There would have been violence.

Kind of a useless post really, content was fine and nothing bad happened. Stop being so self centred, it was a big day for him too. I'd be p*ssed if the speech was questioning why his son was marrying such an attention seeking pillock but it wasn't.

I think it's lovely.

Depends on the FIL. With mine I might be annoyed but I know he would have good intentions so I wouldn’t be upset.

How long did this speech go on for If it delayed things? Really? Weddings never run to time.

My 6 year old niece gave an impromptu speech, didn't delay anything.

If nothing nasty was said and it was all complimentary yabu. He might not have asked In case he was too nervous when it came to it

As a mother of 3 boys, I hope my husband or I will be allowed to say something if any of them get married.