To ask how you'd respond to your FIL making an unannounced speech at your wedding?

[quickopinionsplease]

As per the title really

So there you are at your wedding breakfast, formal affair, it's speech time.

You all know the running order, you're all a bit nervous because you've been working on your speech.

And then in the middle of it all, FIL stands up to make a speech. You aren't sure what's going on.

He hasn't told you about this, hasn't checked if it's ok or run it past you.

How do you feel about this?

Wrong thread oops

This would never happen if I had a wedding because it would be NO speeches. I despise them. They always suck. No one cares, they just want to tuck in and drink. If someone stood up I'd stand up and sit them back down, laughing, 'NO speeches! We meant what we said. No speeches. As you were, folks.'

At any family wedding I’ve been at, the floor is left open to anyone who wants to make a toast or say a few words.
The world still keeps turning.

And urrrrgh at military timed weddings.

I think it depends on context and intent

As long as he didn’t say anything awful I don’t see the problem.

I can’t understand why there needs to be rules and a running order and all the rest of it at a wedding. Must be so stressful. Surely a wedding is a time to celebrate the happy couple, and if your FIL was doing that in his speech I think that’s lovely.

I would be glad he felt comfortable and relaxed enough to do that if he felt like it. I’d be a bit concerned he hadn’t felt able to ask before hand - were you a bridezilla? Did the in laws feel shut out?

It all depends on his motives really.

howdoyou

It's totally standard at Irish weddings.

I've seen mother of groom speeches, bride speeches, bridesmaid speeches...

Who cares if someone wants to speak as long as they don't say anything nasty.

It would depend on what he said.

I would think how lovely a Father in Law (your Dh's father) also wants to be involved and show his appreciation for his son and new DIL.

Surely the response is to clap at the end, laugh at the jokes and say thanks for the kind words - the same as any other speech!

Or are you going to use it as a reason why inlaws can't see any kids you may have!!

I thought all FIL made a speech at their offsprings wedding!

No. Historically they wouldn't have contributed or given anyone away, they were just more special guests than all the others.
Also, most are relieved they don't have to!

Am just curious as to the OP's username? Is the wedding happening now?

Content was fine.

We hadn't asked him to give a speech because it's not traditional for fathers of the groom to give a speech.

I wondered if I was BU to be a bit put out because he sprung it upon us, everyone was watching and it all looked a bit awkward and weird because we weren't sure what was going on, if he was joking etc.

It seems we WBU!

It was pre-written!

So why wasn't he, as father of the groom, asked if he wanted to make a speech?
I would have thought that would be standard 'protocol'?

Eminy Lello

Agree. Providing it didn't go on too long and was loving. 5 minutes is great - unless you're a sought-after and confident speaker, then I'll give you 8.

Have been to weddings in France and Scandinavia where it seemed to be the done thing that the bride and groom's contemporaries pulled together excellent speeches, sharing a line or two or a few memories. And the UK recently ditto - neither F or DFil of the bride were involved and no one gave the bride away. Again, friends doing brilliant speeches.

MIL did this at BIL's wedding. Totally unnecessary, totally uncalled for and really pulled down the mood. I'd have been very upset in SIL's position. She really went off on a tangent about something unrelated to such a happy day (my DH's cancer) and succeeded in upsetting not only BIL and SIL but DH and I as well. Honestly? She couldn't stand not being the centre of attention.

This happened at our wedding. Speeches over, everyone going back to food/ drink eye and then FIL gets up with a pre-prepared speech .

It was fine- no harm came of it and we were quite touched he felt that strongly that he wanted to get up and say his bit. MIL was mortified thiugh

I’d have loved it. It’s not like a few extra minutes means dinner is going to burn.

At our wedding, my best friend, unknown to me, asked Mr Foo to leave the room. When he did, she stood and said “ladies and gentlemen, the groom has left the room, it is a Swedish tradition that when this happens, all the men in the room must rush to kiss the bride”. There was chaos for about five minutes whilst the male guests jumped up and came and kissed my cheek. It was lovely and I had no idea she was going to do that. And before everyone gets up in arms about sexism, she did the same to him when I left the room.

Just as we began the first dance, my brother ran on to the dance floor and stopped proceedings. His mate brought out a box for me to stand on (i’m 5ft, Mr Foo is 6ft4). We all thought it was funny.

Unpredictability at a wedding is essential and that people other than those the bride (or tradition) dictates should be involved, want to do something to celebrate their part, what the hell is wrong with that?

I think anyone can make a speech at a wedding, it's just that the planned speeches are there to make sure that someone does, because normally no-one wants to. So I would be pleased about it.

Mine did this, I didn’t mind at all. It was more just “can I just say something too?” followed by humorous anecdote I think.

'not traditional' being the excuse trotted out by those who wish to exclude others/hog all the attention for their own family
It's the 21st century just in case you weren't aware.......

I bet you weren't a virgin when you wed so why the assumption that everything else has to be 'traditional'?

Good on him for standing up to hypocrisy - shame his own son still needs to grow a backbone....

He said afterwards that he knew Father of Groom didn't do a speech but he wanted to. He said he didn't ask us about it in case we said no. Which is ironic because had he asked us we would have been happy for him to do so!! Springing it upon us at the time was, I thought, quite rude, it looked really weird and yes it did delay the running times.

So why wasn't he, as father of the groom, asked if he wanted to make a speech?

Probably for the same reason that they didn't ask the bridesmaids, the mother of the bride, the mother of the groom, or the groom and brides siblings whether they wanted to make a speech. It's not traditional and you can't ask everyone. If anyone other than FIB, best man and groom wants to make a speech, that's fine and they should pipe up. But how the bride and groom are supposed to know in advance that they want to, I don't know.

So he made a lovely warm speech and you have an issue with that? ‘Passes OP a grip’

Maybe he felt left out so had written one but didn't decide till the day whether he was mentally prepared to do it - hense not telling you

well I'd hope so! Or listening at least. I really doubt many of your guests felt awkward about it, or even noticed anything different, because anyone whose been tona few weddings will know that these things are really flexible.