To ask how you'd respond to your FIL making an unannounced speech at your wedding?

[quickopinionsplease]

As per the title really

So there you are at your wedding breakfast, formal affair, it's speech time.

You all know the running order, you're all a bit nervous because you've been working on your speech.

And then in the middle of it all, FIL stands up to make a speech. You aren't sure what's going on.

He hasn't told you about this, hasn't checked if it's ok or run it past you.

How do you feel about this?

It was very loving of him. And upsetting the running time is not a major crime. It's not even a minor crime. Lighten up, find a sense of humour and be nicer in the future for everyone's sake. Including your own and that of any children you might have.

As long as it was a nice speech I wouldn’t mind.

I don't have a FIL - he died when DH was a teenager.

If I'm honest, I'm just a bit jealous that you have a FIL there to make an impromptu speech.

We hadn't asked him to give a speech because it's not traditional for fathers of the groom to give a speech.

However traditions develop and change over time, was all your weeding traditional

You sound a little bit like you want to control things and want to have ownership

So the speech was fine, the wedding is over and you’re still troubled by what your FIL did. Did your DH mind? Seriously, get a grip.

There's me thinking the two fathers were supposed to make a speech each.

Shows how much I know!

I think it's sweet.

I wonder why he was worried you'd say no?

My MIL did the same - she likes occasions to be about her. My dad simply waited (he was standing and about to toast us) for her to get done and continued with the toasts after.

No big deal, but we would not have expected anything different, so didn't spoil anything.

"Delayed the running times"

I totally understand why you're annoyed, the fact that he admitted he didn't ask in case you said no is just awful. A wedding day is the bride and groom's, no one else and I hate how entitled some parents are over their offspring's weddings. It's incredibly rude to insert yourself into the middle of speeches at someone else's event without asking-even if he did say nice things. I'd be feeling the same as you.

I don't see it as a nice gesture at all. I think he was really out of order.

DH's late dad stood up and came and stood with DH and I and DH's mum when we signed the book at our wedding which was all about him, we'd asked DH's mum to be our witness and his twatty dad couldn't bear not to have a job, but he was a proper selfish wanker who was horrible in many many ways so I am maybe biased! (They had divorced many years before and mil was still very weird around him because he behaved appallingly after they split - another thread!)

It didn't ruin the day or anything, was just typically egotistical and selfish behaviour from a nasty nasty man.

So when posters are saying what a lovely gesture etc I can't see it like that at all, I see a needy and rude man.

Fog aren't supposed to make speeches? Really? Ive never been to a wedding when they haven't made one

My grandfather did an impromptu speech at me wedding. It really pissed me off. He was a right bullying twat of a man who had to be centre of attention. Before the breakfast he said to me 'i am going to do a speech. I said no you most definitely are not. Then exH was doing his speech and out of nowhere my grandad blind sided him and snatched the microphone from his hand. We were all hissing 'no no give it back'. My Auntie and Uncle had to prise it from his hands and he still decided to just shout his 'speech' anyway.

My dad's speech, which was planned was also a fucking shambles and he refused to say anything about me or my husband because he 'didn't have anything nice to say'. He rambled on about himself for a bit then did a Roger Daltry from the Who impression by swinging the microphone above his head and when my mum tried to intervene he threatened to punch her.

Ah. Good times. We had no speeches at my second wedding.

Anyway, your speech experience doesn't sound too traumatic OP. I'd let it go.

I'd think Good on him for injecting a bit of spontaneity into what sounds a very rigidly choreographed wedding.

mrsKoala that is so what proper arseholes!!!

I'd be well annoyed. Not asking you because you might say no?! Pfft.

But then I didn't have any speeches at my wedding, other than me saying a few thank yous.

A wedding where the running order and timing is more important than the grooms father making a lovely speech sounds like a blast.

I think you've missed the point of a wedding, tbh. And I wonder how Bridezillary you had to be that the poor man didn't feel able to tell you he wanted to do a speech?

FofG often makes a speech. Assuming content was appropriate I think it's lovely that he either felt suddenly it was important to say something for his son or got over a nervousness to speak. Did you not ask him if he wanted to when making plans?

Everyone behaved like it was a sitcom at my first wedding. One day i'm going to write it as a play. That honestly wasn't even the worst behaviour by a mile. We had people stealing the champagne, a racist incident, my mum got drunk and obnoxious, my aunt stole all the table decorations, someone left our cake at a bus stop, mil made all the favours and decorations in Black because she didn't like the pale pink colour scheme, my grandad went round showing women pics of him as a young man asking if they'd sleep with him, he told my M.O.H he'd bombed her town in the war... (My M.O.H. and my exH are now together...)

Sorry to derail. It's quite funny in a WTAF kind of way.

"delayed the running times" Seriously, do people actually co-ordinate pre wedding about how long their speeches are to fit an allotted time frame? At our wedding all three speeches took 18 minutes 9 seconds (there's a traditional sweepstake with our friend group to guess the running time of the speeches.) Our friend's dad was over an hour on his speech alone.

I think he should have asked beforehand, but feeling put out over it? No way. Why would you let such a trivial detail be the focus of your memories of your wedding day?

Argh typing too slow - that was to checkpoint.

MRSKOALA !!!!!! That's demented!!! Lol at your black decorations!!!

How was your second wedding in comparison?!

He said he didn't ask us about it in case we said no

That's naughty of him I think. He knew there was a chance you'd not be happy but he thought sod it, better not ask just in case because he wanted to make a speech regardless. I'm not at all into weddings, and I like untraditional things, but wouldn't it have been polite to run it past the bride and groom first?

Worse!!! Pils didn't come, the best man didn't turn up, most of my guests were late because they went to the pub first and 'got into a round', someone told me i looked like father xmas (3 months post baby and maybe a red dress and a white fluffy bolero on 5th Jan wasn't the best idea i had), people were doing shots and dh got so drunk he burst the blood vessels in his eyes vomming, no one bought us a present..

Yes, i agree, i think the not asking is rude. Some people are just all about themselves at weddings tho. It's a chance to perform.