To ask how you'd respond to your FIL making an unannounced speech at your wedding?

[quickopinionsplease]

As per the title really

So there you are at your wedding breakfast, formal affair, it's speech time.

You all know the running order, you're all a bit nervous because you've been working on your speech.

And then in the middle of it all, FIL stands up to make a speech. You aren't sure what's going on.

He hasn't told you about this, hasn't checked if it's ok or run it past you.

How do you feel about this?

As long as he didn't embarrass anyone or say anything inappropriate then I wouldn't have a problem. I'd maybe be a bit at it being pre-planned, but I'd like to think I'd be gracious and wouldn't make a fuss.

Has he only got sons? Maybe he wanted to do it as he'll never get to do the Father of the bride speech.

I'd be eye-rolling privately to myself about it if he was holding up everyone's food.

If several people are already speaking and you aren't serving food until they're done, he's not holding up everybody's food any more than anyone else.

All anybody remembers about wedding speeches anyway is whether anybody embarrassed themselves or anybody got endearingly emosh. I don't remember the speeches from my own wedding even though I've seen the video, but FIL spoke and I was happy for him to do so.

I don't see why the groom's father shouldn't make a speech. It's as much his son's big day as the brides. Maybe he could have mentioned in advance but assuming it was a nice speech I can't see a problem

Assuming it was an appropriate speech I’d just let him get on with it. I might silently be a bit annoyed he’d disrupted the timings but (again assuming nice things are said) pleased that he felt moved enough to want to be involved.

@OldWitch00 it’s not really bizarre that he wasn’t asked to give a speech. Presuming it was a traditional British wedding then it’s usually fotb, groom and best man that do speeches.
I also don’t know any men that think speeches at weddings are impromptu.

He should have asked in advance. It's your day and you choose who does the speeches.

How do you feel about this OP? Unhappy? Because if you were pleased, you'd have said so! What did you do at the time and what did the guests that were there think, you haven't mentioned anyone else or your DH's thoughts (it sounds like your wedding).

If it was a nice speech I’d be touched that he cared enough to share his feelings with everyone but also embarrassed that I had not thought to include him in the wedding myself.

Wouldn't have bothered me but then our wedding was informal and my FIL wasn't there because MIL died that morning. I would have loved him to have been there, and MIL.

I thought all FIL made a speech at their offsprings wedding!
It wouldn't bother me tbh

@Mrsmadevans really? I’ve been to 20 plus weddings and at only 1 of them did the father of the groom speak.

Unless he said something horrible I honestly wouldn’t have a problem with it but then I am not a fan of formal wedding with all do as your told and as we rehearsed tbh

It would be standard at an Irish wedding for the father of the groom to speak

Depends on many factors.

Did he say something nice?

Did he do it because he wanted to be the centre of attention/show off/show someone up or because he wanted to say something lovely?

Did he know that fathers of the groom don't traditionally speak or did he think he was supposed to?

His motivation is key!

I'd be so annoyed! If he wanted to give a speech, why couldn't he have asked you and his son to add him to the other speakers? Does he have a habit of barging in uninvited?

I'd probably keep a smile on my face while it was going on, however.

What do you mean - it wasn't scheduled? Your timings would be off?

Oh I hate those weddings - where everyone else is only there to be puppets for the bride.

Not problem at all. At mine, we had all the usual stuff (dad, best man etc) then my mum decided she wanted to say a few words, so she did. She stood up and made a lovely speech about me (reduced me to a tearful blob, to be honest!! - not a good look at your wedding, but hey ....)

In fact, looking back, I think the only person who didn't make a speech was me ..... let him get on with it. It was a nice thing to do (assuming he said nice things ...).

Does it matter?
You got married, the rest is just blah

I think some people must spend their entire days waiting for something, anything to happen so that they can post on AIBU.

Assuming you didn't have a problem with what he said - and you've told us nothing to indicate that you did - then yes, YABVU

I thought all FIL made a speech at their offsprings wedding!

same here!

Unless it was nasty or inappropriate, I think you should let something like that go. This is your FIL. Your DH's father. Presumably on good enough terms with your now husband to be at his wedding, so perhaps he should have been on the rota on the first place?

I would let it go and stop looking for problems that will create issues with your new extended family.

I'd be annoyed if my FIL Did this. Especillay if I knew it was pre-planned and he had no intention of telling us.

It smacks of entitlement and attention-seeking. But my FIL has these characteristics, along with saying quite ridiculous things and thinking that he's being funny.

Couldn't give a flying fook. Why not. His child is getting married. Sounds extremely formal

This is like pulling teeth.
Had he previously been asked if he’d like to make a speech ( as good manners would dictate)
Was the speech warm, lovely and supportive?
Or did he call the bride fat and make innapropriate jokes about the grooms ex?
Does it REALLY matter?

Here is my rubbish diagram