Maid of Honor dictating hen party plans

[Nissan]

AIBU….

My brother is getting married next year. My family and I are very close to his fiance and I’m looking forward to being a part of the celebrations.

The bride’s MoH (a pretty close friend) has organised the hen.

All of the hens live in the same city…apart from the MoH…(important for later)

Last week, the MoH messaged everyone telling us all the plan that she is looking to arranging - two nights in a cottage with massage treatments & private dining experience.

This was the only option offered, with no chance of discussing other ideas.

Still, it all sounded ok until the cost came up (£2000 alone for the cottage for the 2 x nights), along with the fact it’s 20 minutes from the MoHs own home, and 150 miles away for the other 12 hens!

She’s a SAHM, and is saying the only time the cottage is free is on 2 x midweek nights, meaning all of us that work will have to take THREE DAYS annual leave?!

I said I’d have to think about it - she then told me the cottage has been booked and she’s put a deposit down, so “it’s happening anyway”. So she wasn't offering an option at all, she was telling me what was happening and how much I owe

I’m thinking she’s a major CF?!

Also…I’m thinking not many of the 12 will go for this plan, meaning the cost will be astronomical once it’s divided by like, 8 girls

My brother will be pretty upset if I don’t go. Should I just grin and bear the cost, seeing as she’s booked it already?

Of course the bride will find out before. Depending where she works she will be putting in dates for next year soon. Imagine that conversation, well nope you cannot have these days you have them booked for your hen.
Has the MOH even thought about the bride making plans for whatever herself on those dates?

As five have already confirmed, it sounds like this idea is going to work out. I would just decline, if I were you.

Not placemarking

I would go absolutely nuts if someone approached my work and took three days of my AL.

Moh is batshit.

CF
No chance

p.s. forgot to say that the MoH wants this to be a surprise, so i cant approach the bride.
Yes you can. Stuff that. It's called a hen weekend for a reason.

Talk to your brother. This is ridiculous. Say you need his advice

Definitely tell yr brother everything. That's ridiculous and why people dread being invited to Hen parties. Woman up!

Theresahairbrushinthefridge how mortified would you be though if 5 friends had to pay 400 each for self catered accommodation only and take 3 days leave for your hen do? Very surely?

I really wouldn't be able to do something like that. Every single day of my annual leave is planned out months in advance to maximise time with Kids during school holidays. I couldn't take 3 days for a hen. I couldn't afford £500 either. I would just say I can't afford it and don't have leave and let her get on with it. Once it's happened/ not happened you can apologise to the bride and maybe do something nice with her another time. The last thing I would have wanted during the run up to me wedding would have been warring bridesmaids hassling me about the hen. Just don't go.

Speak to your brother. His fiancée is unlikely to want to use up three days annual leave without being consulted about it. Sounds like her MOH has gone too far!

I honestly don't believe these people exist.

I work in a school, can't ever ever ever take holiday. Haven't ever been asked to go away mid week either.

Just say no . It's so simple. I cant get my head round threads like this

People like this exist because others enable them.

I don't know anyone like this in real life because they know perfectly well I won't enable their ridiculous behaviour.

Id be washing my hair that weekend or watching paint dry 😂

I honestly don't know anyone like this. my sister was bridesmaid for someone a bit similar but I've never tolerated the woman, could never see us being friends, prob for reasons like this.

Thing is if i did have a friend like this we wouldn't be friends.

I had the best hen do, not everyone's cuppa but husband and i shared it with our best mates, at a brewery in London, that was literally it
Different folks i guess but the most important bit was celebrating with mates, obviously...

Just message back something brief like "OMG that's not what i had in mind! Hope those that can make it have fun, see you at the wedding."

Where is op?

Yes. Op come back!

OP, where are you??

Going to the bride's boss to check out leave seems odd to me - just how sure is she that's what bride wants? If I was bride I'd want to know when my hen do was myself - happy to let others organise but I'd want to know the dates.

This is why I despise hen do's...just go out for drinks and a laugh and have done with ffs.

fullofhope03 - I loved that thread!!

What is it with these pretentious moh’s who think it’s dead normal to arrange these hen nights/holidays costing thousands of pounds at someone else’s expense?

Hens, stags, weddings, these are times of celebration, time to get together and celebrate the passing of the old life, and preparation fir the new life. It doesn’t need to cost loads and it shouldn’t be secret surprises.

The moh obviously thinks that if it’s ok for her, it’s ok for everyone else. Personally, I’d be backing out of the whole thing, regardless of what your brother says. Your pocket, like mine and most peoples, is not bottomless.

So either go along with her arrangements or grow a pair and say “sorry, I can’t attend,” end of.

Thanks all. I told my brother and he told me to go, (that i must join) and that if money is an issue he will pay for me...
Still not happy with the selfish decision

Your brother told you you must go?!