To hire a cleaner to prove my point to DH?

[sameshitjustdifferentday]

It's another tedious "DH not pulling his weight in house" thread I'm afraid.

Long story short. I had a long talk with DH nearly two months ago about him not doing his fair share in the house, how disrespected it makes me feel etc. We set up a weekly cleaning rota and for a while it went well.

However it's gradually slipped back into the way things were. He will Hoover, but miss the stairs out/not Hoover up the cat/dog hair. Empty the bin, but fail to sweep kitchen floor afterwards when there's bits all over. I can only assume he thinks the fairies mop the kitchen floor, clean the bathroom, clean under kitchen appliances etc because he never sodding does it! He's also slipped back into leaving dirty plates in kitchen sink overnight which is my biggest bugbear ever!

Would I be unreasonable to now get a cleaner in? I told him that would be my next move if he couldn't sort his shit out and he hasn't. Tbh we can't really afford it, but I'm not spending the rest of my life doing 90% of the shitwork and I've told him so.

Just feeling so let down by him right now. Ironically he wants us to buy a house asap. So I can apparently go from doing nearly everything in a one bed flat to everything in a full sized house

Clean under the microwave?
Is that a thing, didn’t know!

Seriously, I do understand how the OP feels. And I don’t think she is expecting massively high standards, as some posters are suggesting. She just wants somewhere reasonably clean and tidy to come home to / wake up to.

My H seems blind to any necessity for household chores. He’ll make his breakfast but will leave a trail of crockery and crumby debris on the kitchen counters, table etc. He’ll leave washing up for days on end, until he’s run out of the utensil he wants to use. I have tried leaving everything for him to do but he just doesn’t do it.

The laundry gets left in the washing machine / tumble drier / basket. He’s apparently incapable of managing a complete cycle of washing from beginning to end. I’ve tried leaving it for him to sort but he just doesn’t do it. I’ve just found a laundry basket full of his stuff hidden away be the cupboard under the stairs. I don’t sort his stuff any more, just my own, but he doesn’t seem to have noticed.

He has never cleaned the bathroom as long as I can remember (he’ll do the bath if he wants one but nothing else). I’ve deliberately not hoovered the floor to see how long before he realises it needs do7ng, but it has been weeks and it’s making me feel like sloven.

I work full time, he has no job.

Why am I telling you all this? Because if the housework thing is the only fly in your relationship ointment, then maybe it’s worth sucking it up, getting a cleaner, and focusing on all the things that are good in your marriage. If it’s symptomatic of other inequalities or difficulties then hiring outside help may only be like applying a plaster to a gaping wound.

For me, the housework issue was just one of a list of problems - and it has been a contributory factor in us splitting up.
I really hope the same isn’t true for you,

Get a cleaner if you can afford it. You can earn more money / cut back on other things but you can never get your time back.

Definitely do it! What's the point in draining both your energy arguing/getting annoyed. Apparently outsourcing jobs makes us happier in recent study - definitely saves our household's sanity as our cleaner does in 3 hours what takes me 10 probably lol. Means more time with kids too & happier mum :)

I know that i have already said (But I'm not sure how many would care or remember) that I've chalked up 30 years with the same dh. He still does not clean. In fact i tell dc that whatever bothers you before marriage is magnified 1000xs.

So. Pick your poison. If he does somethings great and cleans for beans, go with it and solve your problem on your own. But not to be spiteful.

A good friend has a dh who cleans beautifully and is the biggest horse's butt around. My dh stinks at cleaning but has many fine qualities ( he's not a horse's butt anyway). Best wishes.

P.s. her dh DOES clean under appliances. Including refrigerators, puts away clothes and micromanages her life. Choose: dust bunnies or freedom!

Assuming you both work thats very reasonable and a good idea.

I just did this for this very reason. Between work and DD I’ve been running around cleaning every spare second and it’s just no fun. I snapped and hired a really great cleaner. So worth it. DH freaked about money but if we budget carefully we can manage. It was such a good idea!

Get a cleaner. This is obviously distressing you so sort it out before there is a huge bustup. Joint account- open new account in your name and set up direct debit from joint account to new one for the money needed to pay cleaner. That way you both then be working from balance and both benefiting from having a cleaner.

I want a cleaner now too. My DH is grand at times but thinks the odd hoover and floor steam now and again is ample. Don't know who he thinks cleans at all other other times. He has an annoying habit of making toast, going off to eat it, but leaves crumbs all over worktop and his jammy buttery knife lying idle on worktop....there is a sink right beside to rinse it. There is a dishwasher! He also leaves his empty mug on worktop above it. I have given up! But my point was, yep get a cleaner, it'll save you time which u can use to do something else (hobby? Read) or just relax.
Im now looking into cleaners in my area 🥂

Only thing about a cleaner is that it will mean he will then do zero cleaning.

Just be prepared that if you give him the ultimatum, "clean under the kitchen appliances, or I am leaving you", that you are ready to leave.

It tends to be me who does the washing up, shoe cleaning, hoovering, any home maintenance, window cleaning and most of the cooking. I also do the gardening and most of the grocery shopping. When it was suggested we should get a cleaner I pointed out that we are both very untidy people and have three very untidy children. To expect a cleaner to pick their way through the chaos to find a surface they can wipe would be ridiculous and to tidy sufficiently to prepare for a cleaner to come and do their job would take just as long as cleaning it ourselves. It's a fact.
A better use of your money would be to get a dog-walker in to exercise the dog whilst you're both at work!

I agree with Older. Who will do the tidying in preparation for the cleaner?

Sorry about the embarrassingly long post, I didnt realise it was loo roll length!!!!

Not at all Giraffey. I was worried you had accepted this was your life with him, as he sounds like a cocklodger.

Happy to hear you're getting rid, he sounds unworthy of you.

Thank you, Minerva x