AIBU it's not fun to keep a child up past their bedtime

[boomitscountginula]

EVEN if it's only ONCE!!

MILs birthday is tomorrow, both me and Oh are at work (we both work full time). Suggestion is we go for a meal in the evening, with DS (4).

We have said no, because it would mean, by the time we get home from work, picking up DS from after school club, getting changed etc, dinner would be 7:30 or 8pm. If we all rush. (We usually get home for just after 6pm).

DS 99% of the time is asleep by 7:30.

ILS responce, well don't send him to after school club (they hate we send him, and want to look after him everyday. But for more than a few reasons we have politely declined the offer). because then he won't be tired..

No. No. No. No.

He will be tired, as will both me and DH. Neither us or any other diner wants to be around a crabby 4 year old, in a nice restaurant on a Friday night.

Yes it's just one night. BUT HE IS FUCKING 4 and this isn't a concept he will be agreeable with.

It's not just the ILs a few people have invited us to do things like this and just can't imagine why we won't come, or only one of us will attend if we can't find a baby sitter.

In the summer we will do family parties at people's houses, where DS can bunk in a bed." Etc.

Really am I being precious? Because I don't think ruining everyone's nights with a moaning, tired, unreasonable, nagging 4 year old is fun for anyone?

Personally I believe learning to stay awake past your normal bedtime and to be tired without becoming 'crabby are skills everyone needs to learn.

I don't necessarily disagree, however I don't think a 'special' family meal in a nice restaurant is the time or place to teach that.

Neither would I, but if your child is "in meltdown" because its half an hour past their bedtime then frankly you have bigger problems than one meal out.

Where did you get half an hour from?

Personally I believe learning to stay awake past your normal bedtime and to be tired without becoming 'crabby are skills everyone needs to learn.

But four years old isn't necessarily the appropriate age to teach it.

Knowing the importance of sleep to one's health and well being is also an important skill. Staying awake past one's bedtime isn't necessarily a good thing to do.

You said yourself in an earlier post that you've let your DC stay up late on previous occasions so you are clearly using this as an excuse - YABU.

I’m one of “these people “ that keeps a regular bedtime even on holiday. Dd is 10 now and well able to cope with later nights which we do from time to time, especially with family meet ups and special events. At 4 it would have been pretty rubbish to take her to an evening meal. I know her best and know it would have been a bit horrid for her, for us and doubtless some of the other guests . And she still would have woken at 5.30 - 6.00 the next morning.
If that isn’t how it is for other posters, that is fine. Just don’t assume all children are the same. Or all families.

No way I would take my 4 year old she would be an absolute nightmare! Some children just do my enjoy eating out. Mine never has! Food is not fun for a young child.

I just scanned a few comments on the first page but looks like you didn't go. Yes I think you're being precious (sorry) it's a birthday meal on a Friday night, he's not got school tomorrow. We'll be taking our nearly 2 year old to an evening birthday meal soon and that's in the middle of the week! I tend to find even grumpy kids are distracted enough by all that's going on and seeing everyone together that they won't complain. And even if they do you could just leave if it's that bad! I think you should always show willing with these things.

I'm with you, my 3(nearly 4) year old would end up playing up. If we ever have family birthdays now we invite people round for a takeaway that way kids are in bed, we don't have to go out and if any jobs need doing then one if us can do them while the other entertains. Life is different with kids, they have obviously forgotten!

I've skim-read the thread.

Take him to the dinner and, once there, neck two glasses of wine in a rush. Your DH will be forced into the role of default parent when your DS inevitably acts up. Your PILs will be horrified at DS's behaviour and never ever ask you to do it again, or if they do then your DH will be traumatised and firmly veto. Either way, you win and don't have to ever look like the bad guy.

if you have a whinging grizzling kid up past its bedtime making everyone's life a misery, no one blames the grandparents, no one blames the father...........everyone looks at that child's mother. He's your child OP and you decide what is best.

I'm the same, hate keeping dss 2 and 3 up past their normal bed time. We don't often go out in the evening but recently had a family birthday dinner to go and as predicted, they were fine for the meal but horrible grumpy messes the next day which was not ideal as I work from home

I completely disagree with you. Very rare occasion that we keep ds’s up, all is well.

Have you tried it recently. Talked to ds and bigged it up. Sell it to him, late dinner with grandma. But tease him, maybe he’s not old enough? Once I did that, my two ‘bit’ majorly.

Does he want to go?

And when we went, if ds’s were really tired and wanted to go home, we went. Mil was happy we made the effort to attend.

hotbuttered
Having a rigid bedtime for a Four year old is teaching them to be 'inflexible?' He's FOUR ffs!

Ok Im sorry but Ive not read full thread.

I'm very relaxed about dc bedtime and whilst I'm a bit stricter on school nights at the weekend and holidays they are often up too late. However I STILL wouldn't take them to a nice restaurant that late. They would be hungry,tired,grumpy etc. Why couldn't inlaws arrange Saturday/Sunday lunch? I know my inlaws would if we said the late Friday time wouldn't work. Right choice not to go imo.

As others have said let Fil pick up from
School. You can take a change of clothes to work /change in loo at restaurant and go there from work instead of going home

This means you could have a meal 6/630 assuming inlaws and restaurant semi local

Yes ds may be tired but one Latish night won't be the end of the world - tho seems many on mn disagree

But it's Friday night now - so what did you do

Refuse to go? Get a bs? Go with ds and all fine? Go with ds and he had a meltdown

nah, you know him best. some kids are adaptable, some aren't. just the way they come.

some people just do not get it. (especially if they have the adaptable sort) so people just will not get it as they think every child should be like theirs.

I have a children with hidden disability and the expectations that we can do things that families without their difficulties can is really high.

What Blackeyed said. Wow. Revelation. My child doesn’t do things the way your child does.

We kept both the dc's up past bedtime last Friday for a relative's 80th party (4 and 1 year olds). They were fine the next day.

At the end of the day you can't make other people's activities revolve around your children only decide if you join in or not. If your dc responds very badly to a late night then don't go.

YABU and a bit precious. What do you do when you go on holiday? All go to the room so your DS can go to bed early?

Don't know about the OP, but personally we always self-catered when the kids were little. Not purely for this reason, but partly, so that kids can be put to bed at normal-ish time and adults can enjoy a proper late evening downstairs. All of us in one room at this age would not have been a holiday!! TBH we would still only do a stopover night or two in a hotel, if we only had one room (they're ten and seven now, so they've had adjoining rooms a couple of times), as I don't find it very relaxing or enjoyable (and DH and I quite like a bit of privacy on holiday!), and they still wake up close to 6am however late they go to bed. Some kids just do.

When my son was very young he was always ready for bed at the same time every night and would cry in his buggy until he got into bed, he never slept in the buggy so although we did nights like this it was never fun so we tried to avoid it as much as possible. Now he’s almost 4 and he loves being out in the ‘middle of the night’. You know your child and have to do what you know is best. I think offering to take MIL for lunch the next day is a wonderful compromise and will be much more relaxed and enjoyable for everyone.

Every hold is different. Mine is 6 and starts being a pain by 7:30 normally. It doesn’t stop us staying out of we’re on a trip or something but I wouldn’t take him out for a meal at that time of day. It would ruin my night too!

I’d go and have done in the past when children were younger. I really don’t see a problem if it’s at the weekend and a special occasion. tbh it sounds like you’re not too keen on going, especially as you mention that you’re not keen on the ils looking after your little one