To ask for your comebacks to being asked if I'm a full time mum?

[RemainOptimistic]

Got asked this today in the context of small talk. I couldn't think on the spot so just muttered about going back to work.

What can I say in future? How about "oh why do you ask, are you a part time mum too?" or is that too rude?

The implication is that those of us who choose/have to work outside the home are only mothers for part of the time rather than 'full-time'.

And the implication of 'working mum' is that full time mums /sahms / call it what you will, don't work.

So shall we call it quits?

"Are you a full time mum?"
"Yes, aren't we all?"

"Do you work?"
"Yes, don't we all?"

For every WOHP who takes umbrage at being "accused" of not being a parent while at work, there's a SAHP who takes umbrage at the second question implying they sit around and drink coffee all day. At this rate people are going to give up talking altogether for fear of offending.

I just say 'Yes and I love it' and smile .

I agree with Custard. There isn't a satisfactory term. Old fashioned were Housewives (who didn't work outside the home.) and working Mothers who did work outside the home. These terms offended people so we have new terms now that I don't think are very satisfactory either.

I am the primary caregiver to my two children which I achieve without the use of childcare from an external source. I don't see being a mother as a job. It is something I became when I gave birth to DS, it is not something I can ever stop being so don't see how it equates to (for example) being a FT or PT teacher. In actual fact, being in an office/school/lab/supermarket doing a job does not mean that we are not parents during those hours. We also have to do everything in terms of school runs, homework, housework etc that SAHPs do for their children, on top of our other jobs.

Here you go, OP. I've cobbled together the perfect come-back from a few posts on this thread. But it only works if you do it in a Vicky Pollard voice.

Brevity is the soul of wit.

Not just a relationship it's also, tutor, Cook, cleaner, councilor the list could go on.

No, it's not. It's just a relationship. It's just your title in relation to your dc.

The other aspects are valid and important but don't make you more of a mother.

"Yes, aren't all mums?"

I came on to say what custard said: 'aren't we all?'

I also think we are all full time mums...but I do wonder how many fathers worry and turn themselves into knots trying to work out what to call themselves / define themselves / or how to talk about themselves to others.

You dont need comback. Its just a question to make conversation. Sounds like you have an issue with it if you get upset by that.

Was the question asked with the intention to offend or was the person making friendly conversation with you?
If they were trying to be friendly and you want to now think of a sarcastic reply then you are not being very kind.
Take comments how thry are intended not necessarily by the words chosen. People can be clumsy with the words they choose sometimes (myself included) but it is their real intention that is important.

Do dads ever get asked if they’re full time?

I'm not a full time mum!

There must be a lot of part time dads out there .

"No, I job share with OH"

Why would you need a "comeback" to that? It's obviously how people ask if you are at home with the DC in the day. Just say "yes" No more than that. Some people would take issue with thin air and it's ridiculous.

Well I work but I'm still a full time mum! Maybe it's just the way the OP was asked?

I get asked "what do you do"? It seems a person's worthiness is defined by their paid job perhaps? I look after my son with SEN and elderly parents but people just don't see that as an occupation somehow

I'm not a full time mother. I was when they were at home.

Now I am only an on-call mother during school hours.

And my son is at school all day which leads to the "so what do you do all day"? type of questions........

And my son is at school all day which leads to the "so what do you do all day"? type of questions........

Answer : whatever the hell I like.

Fekko that wasn't really my point. Lindy2 put it better.

It's just people who don't know much about your life trying to make polite overtones. Perhaps we should all channel the Queen and say "and what do you do?". Some would probably still take offence and feel they need a comeback like "sit on my arse and drink coffee all day while the baby changes her own nappies"!

To avoid any confusion I just call myself a housewife, as that's what they are really asking.

Why the need for a "comeback"?

I suppose you could be a complete dick and use one of these inane "comebacks", if you want to be rude and aggressive to someone who is only making polite small talk.

Fuck knows why you would do that though. You know well what they mean and there is no need for the nonsense.