To ask for your comebacks to being asked if I'm a full time mum?

[RemainOptimistic]

Got asked this today in the context of small talk. I couldn't think on the spot so just muttered about going back to work.

What can I say in future? How about "oh why do you ask, are you a part time mum too?" or is that too rude?

Do you have any actual evidence to back up that statement, @hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea? Or are you just making up your statistic.

Cursory acquaintance with human nature? A sunny outlook?

If you want to think everyone is out to get you go ahead, your choice. Makes for a sad life though.

Nice to have a sunny outlook on life - not all of us are lucky enough. It doesn’t count as actual evidence, though.

You may have missed my earlier post where I said that I have not suffered from this myself - so your comment about the sadness of my life is somewhat uncalled-for. However, I choose not to disbelieve and utterly discourage t the experience of women who have felt judged by others, wen asked this question.

Unless you believe that there is no prejudice against working mothers, that they are never judged for using childcare or not ‘raising their child themselves’, I don’t see how you can argue that this question is never asked judgementally. You may not have experienced it yourself, but others say they have - are you saying they are lying?

And perhaps if your acquaintance with human nature was more than just ‘cursory’, you’d realise that sometimes people are judgemental and nasty, and sometimes they will attempt to make another person feel judged, via an ‘innocent’ question.

My experience of human nature (as a bullied child, a nurse, a student, a wife and a mother - amongst other things) has taught me that sometimes people are judgemental and do attempt to hurt others. And yes, that is sad.

If people are determined to be offended then shouldn’t the term be offensive too? After all they don’t actually stay at home all day, they’re out doing lots!

There are plenty of people who DO judge a mother who works outside the home - I've seen comments online about women 'abandoning' their children in nursery, and how it is terrible parenting to have a child and then not raise them yourself - so purely on the balance of probabilities, some of the times this question is asked, it is being asked in a judgemental fashion.

Yep. You get judged whatever you do. All mothers (hell, women) are. It's one of the reasons seeing either side attack is so fucking depressing.

I just don't see why we can't recognise each choice has costs and benefits to both child and parent, and that each woman does the best she can with what she has and is and unite against the common enemy of misogyny, frankly.

The term SAHM!

you’d realise that sometimes people are judgemental and nasty, and sometimes they will attempt to make another person feel judged, via an ‘innocent’ question

sometimes yes. But far far more often not, if only, like I said, because they are not thinking enough about you to judge you.

I find people who assume everyone is judging them or being mean to them incredibly self absorbed. You have to be if you think the entire world is so bothered by your life to summon the will to judge your perfectly average, everyday, binary choice. Honestly, no-one cares. Try to be less self centred and you'd realise that.

It really doesn't matter. As you say, they're just making small talk. If it offends you so much, you should probably stop leaving the house because people will continue to ask something along the lines of 'what do you do'.

No one actually cares, they're just being polite.

I find people who assume everyone is judging them or being mean to them incredibly self absorbed. You have to be if you think the entire world is so bothered by your life to summon the will to judge your perfectly average, everyday, binary choice. Honestly, no-one cares. Try to be less self centred and you'd realise that.

The person you're responding to explicitly said she's never encountered the attitude personally, so I don't know why you are choosing to post in such an inappropriate - in more ways than one - manner. And arguably, failing to read the posts you are responding to with any sort of attention before sharing the contents of your own mind is the very definition of self centred.

"Yes I work more than full time actually,last time I added up my hours it came to about seventy.do you work full time as well?"
Don't feel put on the spot,you work harder than many people who have a full time job.there's no cut off point,it's 24/7 and very hard work.be proud of yourself.

"Yes I work more than full time actually,last time I added up my hours it came to about seventy.do you work full time as well?"

Yes, this is an incredibly clever comeback. Do it OP!

When asked this question I simply reply: "yes, I am a full time mother, all my children live with me full time".

Whether or not I have a paid jib seems utterly irrelevant to this question to me (especially as I soend most of my lunchtimes ordering or buying things they need, sort out playdates on the train, call the school on my way to meetings etc etc etc many etcs)

"Yes I work more than full time actually,last time I added up my hours it came to about seventy.do you work full time as well?

Way to make friends and influence people.

These inane comebacks are for what people will judge you for, not whether you have a paid job or not.

Flomper what about the mothers whose children don’t live with them full time?

Flomper what about the mothers whose children don’t live with them full time?

MuseumOfCurry
"Yes I work more than full time actually,last time I added up my hours it came to about seventy.do you work full time as well?"
Yes, this is an incredibly clever comeback. Do it OP!

No, it really isn't clever, incredibly or otherwise.

I can't believe this thread is still going on, which pathetic retorts like this still being suggested. We all know that the phrase "full time mother" refers to a SAHM.

Just answer yes, or no, stop seeing offence everywhere, and do get over yourselves.

No, it really isn't clever, incredibly or otherwise.

Of course it isn't.

I wish we, as women, wouldn't get so caught up in the semantics of this. I have always worked apart from 6 month mat leaves. All my friends have their own scenarios, some gave up careers, some went part time, none of our dh's changed their work situations. When we meet the conversations about stresses with small children are identical, we are all just muddling through hoping we made the right decisions but mainly just trying to get some bloody sleep at night to help us get through the next day, whatever we'll be doing.

Apols MuseumOfCurry, I obv missed the sarcasm!